Shyness

[142857]

It kind of irks me when people have tried to explain my "nature" away as shyness. My wife always tells people that I am shy.

Even before I really knew what AS/HFA was and long before I suspected that I was affected by it, I used to say "I'm not shy, I'm just not very good with people". I'm happy to run a meeting with a bunch of high powered consultants and basically control the points of discussion and do most of the talking. I can stand up in front of a bunch of people I don't know and do a presentation or conduct a course. When I go bowling and score a strike I do a stupid dance, and I don't care what people think.

But in social situations I am completely out of my depth, can't really make small talk, never know where to look or what to say or what to talk about. At least now I know that it was never shyness to begin with.

 

[Chris]

I always thought I was shy before I researched AS. I am still shy, obviously, its just down to the inconfidences I have from not knowing what to say or misunderstanding situations.

 

[Willow]

I used to be really shy, but now I just don't give a **** what people think so I do what I want and they can either deal with it or go away.

No. That's not entirely true. I still get really shy in a lot of situations. But if Chris is stood next to me, I'm invincible.

 

[benjimanbreeg]

Why do you need Chris to stand by you?

 

[Belle]

I have always had people tell me I am shy.

I am scared in social situations. Anxiety kicks in when having to talk (in a social context) with more than two people. I just don't know what to say. I haven't a clue. There is an expectation that I should talk....

 

[benjimanbreeg]

I have always had people tell me I am shy.

I am scared in social situations. Anxiety kicks in when having to talk (in a social context) with more than two people. I just don't know what to say. I haven't a clue. There is an expectation that I should talk....

Yeah, and if you're going over in your head, thinking about what to say. You are less likely to think of something If the group are talking about something that interests me, i'm fine.

 

[Emor]

If it's someone I don't know I'm not only shy but extremely awkward.
I won't look at their eyes at all, and sometimes I don't even look at their face(which turned out to be a big problem with work exp. 'cause I didn't know who the manager[along with several other employees] was 'cause I didn't look at his face >_<[had to listen for his voice and then approach him]), I'll give really closed answers or speak extremely fast and too much.
I thought it'd be different with people on the spectrum but I went to a group a couple of years ago outside of school for people on the spectrum and I was the shyest of them all, while everyone else was getting along(even the only other girl to along with the other guys).
Over Skype I'm pretty confident, imo, and almost obnoxious and bitchy, 'cause there's no facial ********, and if I want to exit the conversation for some reason I can just click a button and it's over with.
I have a weird voice but that's only been a problem with some people who decided to constantly comment on it >_>(which resulted in me not using Skype or making YT videos with audio in for around a year, rofl).
On webcam it's also easier for some reason. I'm more shy but I still find it easier.
At school with people I know I'm probably pretty opinionated and annoying to be around tbh.
With people who I've talked to quite a lot but don't fully know I give closed answers and won't look them in the face but I'm not nervous or w.e.
I think teachers have gotten a bit offended by me never looking at them.
EMZ=]

 

[Dani Evar]

Yes, it sufficiently mirrors my case. Mine was perceived by people as mere shyness and even retardation. It is purely just AS/HFA, like you said. Sadly, as a kid, people (especially adults) can force their ideals (linear cultural thinking) on you to some extent, creating a lot of suffering and mystification/identity crisis, for you are inauthentically forced to see yourself in their mirror, not your own, not Nature's. No matter how shattered, my own mirror is where I begin with in the first place. It has its own reflection of the sky, of exalted translucence.

That kind of social abuse continues until you have truly 'matured' (become preservingly, consciously authentic, beyond the idea/reality of 'culture', more colossal and singular than others taken as a social aggregate) in the classical Aspergerian (autistically high-functioning) sense.

I would never ever want to do away with my awkwardness, even if I could. Encompassingly, all about me is simply in my solitude.

 

[Chris]

Why do you need Chris to stand by you?

She doesn't, it just helps. It's the same for me. If she's beside me I'll feel invincible.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ee3iuhJaA6A

Oh, btw, I don't particularly like the song, its just titled fairly accurately to describe our situation.

 

[benjimanbreeg]

lean on me?

 

[Chris]

eh?

 

[TV-STAR]

I have been shy pretty much all my life, although i may talk a little bit i will not speak in groups or find it hard to answer questions using speech i make the shy noises as im nervous to speak up. the most way of communicating with me is through writing things down

 

[Ruby_Aspergic]

I am not shy at all. It's just the HFA for me.

 

[Dani Evar]

Often, this shyness is like a wide nakedness that people easily rape. Shyness is ok in itself, like the redness accompanying the piercing rays at dawn, or the horizon-pervading dim luster at sunset. How other ignorant people make use of it is the thing that immediately hurts, especially when you're a child.

 

[ergop]

I used to be shy but after meeting my boyfriend (who is like me), I don't feel as vulnerable and now. Instead of fearing my difficulties coming up with things to talk about with people I just prefer not to talk.

I went to therapy just once and told the therapist that nothing came to my mind when talking to people and I didn't have any normal interests... (She didn't help much -.-). Now that I have figured out for myself why I am different I feel more confident.

People will still think I'm shy or sad (mostly sad) if I don't talk... but eh... what can you do

 

[ReallyGoodName]

Yes, I'm very shy. I used to get in trouble in school because the teacher would ask a question and I just didn't want to speak. They thought I was misbehaved or ignoring them. Now, it seems to be more that I just don't know WHAT to say most the time. I'm a bit more comfortable around people than I used to be but I scan my brain for something interesting thing and nothing really comes up.

 

[142857]

Here is something I worked out when I was about 30 years old. Call me Mr Fast Learner. B)

Despite the old saying about it being "better to remain quiet and appear to be an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt", remaining quiet when you are expected to speak actually is about the worst thing you can do.

I used to think that I needed to come up with something funny, clever or interesting to say to people. And then you get this "performance anxiety" issue, because you know that you will never come up with the response you would like until the opportunity to speak has well and truly passed. So your brain simple freezes up and refuses to give your mouth any words to use.

Now I'd rather say something stupid and irrelevant and have people think I'm strange than stand there with my mouth shut and appear to be rude and aloof. People don't hate you for saying stupid/irrelevant stuff, but for some reason they don't like you much if you appear to ignore them or refuse to speak to them.

 

[Chris]

Hmm. What kind of situation do you mean, 142857? Are we talking in front of groups or in situations with a friends or..?

I don't think I have many opportunities to put that into practise.

My shyness is something I hope to overcome in the future when my confidence and self-esteem improves - both of which have been improving since having Willow.

 

[142857]

Hmm. What kind of situation do you mean, 142857? Are we talking in front of groups or in situations with a friends or..?

Not friends. Friends should know me well enough to know what to expect.

Talking in front of groups is easy for me, although I understand that others on the spectrum struggle with it. If you saw me talking in front of a group you would probably never guess that I might be "on the spectrum". Although my speaking voice is pretty flat, and would likely put people to sleep if I went on for too long.

I guess the situations that I struggle with are with people I work with - maybe on the same project but who I don't know personally very well. People I interact with around my apartment building, bumping into my son's teacher in the supermarket, that sort of thing. Casual acquaintances. Making small talk before a meeting, or in the tea/coffee room, or around the water cooler, or with the neighbour that you bump into in the hallway. That is the kind of thing I struggle with.

 

[superboyian]

I'm shy :whistle:

Well I kinda wished I didn't say that... and yet being who i'am now... and YET I do push myself to put more confidence into myself as before, I wouldn't be able to set foot on the stage.. :lol:

Wow I sure did good. :thumbsup: