Showing love...

[DogwoodTree]

If there's someone in your life you care about...not necessarily romantically...parent, sibling, friend, neighbor, whatever...how do you show them you love them? Are there specific things you do or say to make sure you've communicated your feelings? Or do you just assume they know?

I'm not talking about, necessarily, birthday and Christmas gifts or the requisite "Love you, too" response to their statement of "I love you." We're all about honesty and authenticity and truth on this board (which I love!). In what ways do you express the real, deep, genuine substance of your heart for that person?

 

[DogwoodTree]

I ask this because it appears that the expectations of people around me for what expressions of love should look like are very different from the ways I actually express my love.

Do you think it's more important to focus energy on expressing my true self toward someone I love? Or more important to communicate my love for them in whatever way they desire/demand/prefer/require? Is it more important to be truly me with someone? Or more important to be for them what they want from me?

(I realize there has to be a balance...it is NOT black-and-white, either-or. This has just been a really hard needle for me to thread...to find that balance and get this right.)

 

[Ereth]

Well, my family's never been the physically affectionate sort . . . so most of the time it's through speaking or other actions that I express my feelings. But I am fully capable of hugs and kisses and so on. (My friends and boyfriend are the ones who reap the most benefits.)

 

[King_Oni]

Heh... here's a funny thing in regards to this, the more I think about it.

I'm not much for physical affection in general, but I guess I show some appreciation of a few people in my life by actively talking to them and showing some kind of interest. The fact that I show some interest for me would mean that I appreciate them being in my life. The fact that I'm willing to sit down with my parents and express some concern about their health (and might even advise them what they could look into) for me means that they're not total strangers with whom I have no connection; and honestly the same goes for friends.

Perhaps love is a strong word though; I've always considered it a show of strong appreciation.

On the other hand, the people in my life probably know that I care about them enough. Maybe that's what makes friends, good friends as well.

Love in terms of a romantic partner, a significant other... I would say it's somewhat similar. Yes, I share some more physical affection with these people; kisses, the occasional hug, sex, they're all part of it, but even without these (and I'm saying this coming from a long distance relationship), I would suspect that even without these things being the daily grind, they should/could/would understand the relevance of them in my life.

 

[May Black]

Do you think it's more important to focus energy on expressing my true self toward someone I love? Or more important to communicate my love for them in whatever way they desire/demand/prefer/require? Is it more important to be truly me with someone? Or more important to be for them what they want from me?

(I realize there has to be a balance...it is NOT black-and-white, either-or. This has just been a really hard needle for me to thread...to find that balance and get this right.)

This is a really difficult question. Personally, I'd appreciate a person that is being true to themselves more than someone that is trying to please me, but then I really value honesty very high.

I don't know if love is a word I'd use to describe my relationship to my parents, they matter a lot to me, to the point where I'll go way out of my way in order to please them, or make them happy, despite our complicated past. I'm my mother's pretty daughter, I put on make up and let her drag me around to show me off to all her acquaintances, I take her out to eat, shopping and get her hair done, I buy her plane tickets to come to see me, I'm planning on taking her to Paris for her 60th birthday next year. I'm my father's little girl still, I'll let him buy me pretty things and take me out to do stuff I enjoy, I let him critique my life and my choices of partners. Then I fly back home and live my life the way I enjoy. I'm myself with my brother and my friends. I don't often tell anyone besides my partner that I love them, I can say that I'm glad I have them in my life which feels more honest to me. I hug, but I'm not really fond of kissing anyone besides my partner.

 

[Etzelaire]

I can say it to a girl but I always say the aspect of them I love, not all of their characteristics. 4 months ago I asked a girl to go out cause I liked some aspects of her I described. But most times I say something like: you're interesting I'd like to know you better and see if I like tou.