Should I try to get my Aspie back?

[Plumeria]

But then if you tell him you feel like crap (like you said) you can't be looking like a sex goddess when he shows up.

The funny thing is, I am sick today and I DO look like crap… so I kinda dont want him to come over today.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

The funny thing is, I am sick today and I DO look like crap… so I kinda dont want him to come over today.

YOU MAY NEVER GET THIS CHANCE AGAIN.

Now go clean up and come out wearing only your bathrobe.
(If he's someone who could take a joke, I'd say to really do that.)
Oh, and put on his favorite perfume. You want to look sick, but not smell sick.
Then when he's using that stick thingie move in real close and ask him if he needs any help and show him a cute smile.

 

[Plumeria]

YOU MAY NEVER GET THIS CHANCE AGAIN.

Now go clean up and come out wearing only your bathrobe.
(If he's someone who could take a joke, I'd say to really do that.)
Oh, and put on his favorite perfume. You want to look sick, but not smell sick.
Then when he's using that stick thingie move in real close and ask him if he needs any help and show him a cute smile.

You're so funny. I don't have guts to do that, I'm surprised I've even gotten this far! Too late anyway, I already told him that I will buy it and try to do it by myself. I really don't want to push him and make things uncomfortable… at least the lines of communication are open again AND he still has my stuff, remember. I'm happy that he's been replying and being helpful in his responses, I'll take that as a good sign

 

[Grumpy Cat]

As long as you don't have any regrets.....

(I'd be thinking "I could have had him in my bathroom tonight instead of sitting here all alone. It could have been him, me and his wand thingie!")

 

[Plumeria]

As long as you don't have any regrets.....

(I'd be thinking "I could have had him in my bathroom tonight instead of sitting here all alone. It could have been him, me and his wand thingie!")

LMAO! I definitely want his wand thingy (but not the one I buy at Walgreens!)

 

[Plumeria]

As long as you don't have any regrets.....

(I'd be thinking "I could have had him in my bathroom tonight instead of sitting here all alone. It could have been him, me and his wand thingie!")

No regrets. He replied again, "Let me know if it doesn't unclog, but try that first."

 

[Grumpy Cat]

No regrets. He replied again, "Let me know if it doesn't unclog, but try that first."

There you go!
I'd make sure that sink doesn't unclog. This would be the time for you to clean out your hairbrush. You have long hair? Pull all the hair off of your hairbrush, mix it with some toothpaste and stuff that down the sink. Then that wand thingie you buy, cut off a little less than half so you can tell him "this is what I got in the set and it doesn't seem to be long enough to reach the clog."

 

[May Black]

I'm so curious what's going to happen now!

I'd totally go with the sink not getting unclogged. I wouldn't act too feeble and incapable, as it might turn him off as well. You tried, but seem to be doing something wrong. Figure out a way how it might look like you're really doing something wrong in case he wants to see what you're doing.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

 

[Balkan1996]

You're so funny. I don't have guts to do that, I'm surprised I've even gotten this far! Too late anyway, I already told him that I will buy it and try to do it by myself. I really don't want to push him and make things uncomfortable… at least the lines of communication are open again AND he still has my stuff, remember. I'm happy that he's been replying and being helpful in his responses, I'll take that as a good sign

Yeah, that's a good sign, meaning he either cares for you A LOT or still has feelings for you. Either way, you're a winner!

I don't know about other Aspies, but I usually play stupid when someone asks me to come over and repair this, assemble that. I just don't have time for your little problems. Besides, 20 minutes with you will exhaust me more than 2 hours of hard labor.
Fact is that Aspies in GENERAL consider their interests and time much more valuable.
Again, you have a win.

Tell us what happened next!

 

[Plumeria]

Thanks everyone! I woke up this morning thinking like my old typical NT self -- analyzing the situation and his lack of interest in ME. Just for some insight into an NT mind (for Aspies who are curious) this is what I am thinking … Why didn't he address how he is doing or ask me how I'm doing? If he missed me or wants to see me, why didn't he just say he was coming over instead of giving me the option to do it myself? An NT man would take that opportunity to see me, especially if he missed me. He again, gave me logical solutions to my problems with no interest in ME or how I am doing.

I know the answers to these questions now that I've done my research and talked to many of you on this site but these are the typical questions I USE TO wonder… my new insight into AS has really helped me not to take things personally. If I didn't have this AS knowledge, I would think that he is not interested in me, doesn't care and that I have no chance at a reconciliation. Anyway, I have decided to just leave things alone for now and see what happens… I'll keep you updated!

 

[Plumeria]

Yeah, that's a good sign, meaning he either cares for you A LOT or still has feelings for you. Either way, you're a winner!

I don't know about other Aspies, but I usually play stupid when someone asks me to come over and repair this, assemble that. I just don't have time for your little problems. Besides, 20 minutes with you will exhaust me more than 2 hours of hard labor.
Fact is that Aspies in GENERAL consider their interests and time much more valuable.
Again, you have a win.

Tell us what happened next!

Thanks Balkan1996! Well, I know that he LOVES to look up things online and also enjoys fixing things. I'm not sure if it is one of his special interests but I wouldn't doubt it. When he started becoming a "handyman" he researched every tool imaginable. I bought him his tool belt, tool box and drill… he was so happy. I felt great yesterday but I woke up this morning with my typical NT doubts (see post above) and still wondering if he does care or if he was just being helpful because thats what he enjoys doing. I guess we will see, I'm going to be patient… thank you so much for the kind words

 

[Judge]

I felt great yesterday but I woke up this morning with my typical NT doubts (see post above) and still wondering if he does care or if he was just being helpful because thats what he enjoys doing. I guess we will see… but thank you so much for the kind words

Socialization seldom comes easy for us. If he's volunteering to make contact with you given the past, it sounds like he's willing to deal with all the potential stress it could bring.

Meaning there's probably something more to his coming over beyond just wanting to fix something. Of course this is only reflecting my real mindset- not his.

 

[Balkan1996]

Socialization seldom comes easy for us. If he's volunteering to make contact with you given the past, it sounds like he's willing to deal with all the potential stress it could bring.

Meaning there's probably something more to his coming over beyond just wanting to fix something. Of course this is only reflecting my real mindset- not his.

Exactly.

You already noted that you know this, but I'll repeat it just in case.
Aspies don't know how to respond according to social 'rules'. Phrases like "thank you, hey, bye, how are you" don't feel natural to us.

You seem like a great person filled with understanding. I wish you best luck!

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I don't know about other Aspies, but I usually play stupid when someone asks me to come over and repair this, assemble that. I just don't have time for your little problems. Besides, 20 minutes with you will exhaust me more than 2 hours of hard labor.
Fact is that Aspies in GENERAL consider their interests and time much more valuable.

My question is if the someone that asked you to come over and "repair or assemble" something was a person you were interested in, would the 20 minutes still be as exhausting?
And would it be as exhausting if someone asked you to come over and spend time with them while doing something you both liked to spend time on?

 

[Plumeria]

Exactly.

You already noted that you know this, but I'll repeat it just in case.
Aspies don't know how to respond according to social 'rules'. Phrases like "thank you, hey, bye, how are you" don't feel natural to us.

You seem like a great person filled with understanding. I wish you best luck!

Thanks Judge and Balkan1996, yes, reminding me helps A LOT!

 

[Ste11aeres]

My question is if the someone that asked you to come over and "repair or assemble" something was a person you were interested in, would the 20 minutes still be as exhausting?
And would it be as exhausting if someone asked you to come over and spend time with them while doing something you both liked to spend time on?

For me, twenty minutes with most people is exhausting, but twenty minutes with one of those few individuals I really like being around-which would definitely include someone I was interested in, can be pleasant.

 

[Ste11aeres]

For me, twenty minutes with most people is exhausting, but twenty minutes with one of those few individuals I really like being around-which would definitely include someone I was interested in, can be pleasant.

Although I should add that, even in the case of someone I did like spending time with, I would probably be okay with longer periods of time away from that person than would many NTs.

 

[Balkan1996]

My question is if the someone that asked you to come over and "repair or assemble" something was a person you were interested in, would the 20 minutes still be as exhausting?
And would it be as exhausting if someone asked you to come over and spend time with them while doing something you both liked to spend time on?

Interesting question.

Let's say I meet my soul mate one day and we start dating. We went out 3 times. All 3 times, I spent hours and hours of preparations, during every date I had to be superfocused on her every facial and body expression. Why? Because if I relax, things will go wrong. All 3 dates turned out to be better than expected. Even tho I had a relatively good time, I'm exhausted and a part of me is thinking how my time could have been spent better. BUT, the thing is, every relationship is like investing - at first there will be a lot of hard work but in the end it all pays off. You earn a best friend and a lover.
After a while, I'll be comfortable around her and won't feel like she's draining my energy.
The feeling I'll maybe one day find a person who shares the same interests and activities is unbelievable. Dream come true.

So, 20 minutes with someone I care about isn't even close as with someone 'irrelevant'. It's all about motivation.

 

[Plumeria]

I might be a girl but i can affirm that this is true. I'm clueless when it comes to keeping in contact with people. More often than not I leave it up to others because if i contact someone first i always wonder if i'm bothering them or saying it wrong or such.

Going off of what i said to Angie, although its entirely possible he really does just want you to get your stuff...if that was the case I would think he would have gotten that taken care of right after the break up. Especially since he's the one that broke up with you. Perhaps he's just doing what I do...i manipulate and run around my real point of talking all the time just cause i don't know how to ask what i want to ask and do it right. So i'll ask other questions on purpose hoping to get to the question, answer, or result i'm looking for. In otherwords...he could just as easily be asking you that hoping he'll see you again and get the same result as last time he did that.

Kari-- I just realized I didnt thank you for this post. It was comforting to hear your insight, thanks for sharing. He never replied to the question of whether he wants to drop off my things or if I should pick them up. We'll see… I don't plan on texting him again though.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Kari-- I just realized I didnt thank you for this post. It was comforting to hear your insight, thanks for sharing. He never replied to the question of whether he wants to drop off my things or if I should pick them up. We'll see… I don't plan on texting him again though.

Darn. You didn't get the sink unclogged, did you? He told you to let him know if you didn't. (which means if he doesn't hear from you all is A-ok.)