Should I try to get my Aspie back?

[Kari Suttle]

I'm sorry to voice a new opinion so late in the discussion, and that it won't be what you want to hear but...

Ten weeks is a long time. I read that it takes about three months to form and cement a new habit. And add to that is the whole "out of sight, out of mind" scenario which I've found to be common among aspies I've known. I don't contact my family for weeks on end, because they're just not there to remind me to call them.

I suggest texting him on thanksgiving is a great idea, just be prepared for him to be surprised to hear from you as he very well may have moved on emotionally.

I can vouch for the 'out of sight out of mind' thing. It describes how I deal with all relationships, really. I agree...although thanksgiving gives you a good reason to contact him idk if waiting even longer is a good idea. It can be very easy for aspies to move on emotionally.

 

[Plumeria]

I DID IT! I finally texted him this morning. My sink in the bathroom is clogged and when we were together he was really good at unclogging it with some type of device. I texted him "Good morning, I've been thinking of you, hope you are well. My sink is clogged, whats the name of the thing you use to unclog it?" He replied that he will look it up, then he texted me a picture of the device. He said that I could probably make the thing myself and explained how. I replied "Ok, thank you " And that was that… but I did it! I will let things be for now…

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I DID IT! I finally texted him this morning. My sink in the bathroom is clogged and when we were together he was really good at unclogging it with some type of device. I texted him "Good morning, I've been thinking of you, hope you are well. My sink is clogged, whats the name of the thing you use to unclog it?" He replied that he will look it up, then he texted me a picture of the device. He said that I could probably make the thing myself and explained how. I replied "Ok, thank you " And that was that… but I did it! I will let things be for now…

That's great! Now I'm starting to learn how to think Aspie and I'm thinking that he took it literally that you just needed your sink unclogged. How about if you said "I'm not good with my hands, could you make me one?"

 

[Plumeria]

That's great! Now I'm starting to learn how to think Aspie and I'm thinking that he took it literally that you just needed your sink unclogged. How about if you said "I'm not good with my hands, could you make me one?"

Thank you! I wish I had the guts to do that! You know from my previous posts that I'm chicken **** and afraid of rejection. I don't think I could handle a negative response to that question… although it did run through my mind! The last time I reached out to him first after a month of no contact, it took him almost a week to initiate a text. I'm hoping this opens the communication again and he takes initiative. We'll see, I don't want to push it. If I don't hear from him, maybe I'll text again on Thanksgiving. This was a big step for me!

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Thank you! I wish I had the guts to do that! You know from my previous posts that I'm chicken **** and afraid of rejection. I don't think I could handle a negative response to that question… although it did run through my mind! The last time I reached out to him first after a month of no contact, it took him almost a week to initiate a text. I'm hoping this opens the communication again and he takes initiative. We'll see, I don't want to push it. If I don't hear from him, maybe I'll text again on Thanksgiving. This was a big step for me!

You know, I just read something in one of my Aspie books and I'm hoping that Aspies can tell me if this is true or not, but its that Aspies time is different than NT time. Aspies can be doing something and know they will need to do something else (like texting you back) but it could be hours or even days before they get to that task and they are totally unaware of how much time has passed. Is this true?

 

[Plumeria]

You know, I just read something in one of my Aspie books and I'm hoping that Aspies can tell me if this is true or not, but its that Aspies time is different than NT time. Aspies can be doing something and know they will need to do something else (like texting you back) but it could be hours or even days before they get to that task and they are totally unaware of how much time has passed. Is this true?

I read that too and someone mentioned that in my other thread.

 

[Plumeria]

So he texted again (an hour later) and said he has some of my things. I knew he would text that, he said the same thing the last time we didnt talk for a month. I asked him if he wants to drop it off or if I should come pick it up. UGH. Now I feel sad and anxious :/

 

[Kari Suttle]

You know, I just read something in one of my Aspie books and I'm hoping that Aspies can tell me if this is true or not, but its that Aspies time is different than NT time. Aspies can be doing something and know they will need to do something else (like texting you back) but it could be hours or even days before they get to that task and they are totally unaware of how much time has passed. Is this true?

I'm not sure. It probably differs from person to person. But at least for me, its not true purely because i'm a very nervous, anxious person. I might be procrastinating on getting to something but its because thinking about it makes me anxious, simple as that. I'll constantly be checking the clock if its something with a deadline or a set time. But about the time question, for me time passes the same unless i'm really into whatever i'm doing, and its only at that point do i completely lose track of time.

 

[Plumeria]

That's great! Now I'm starting to learn how to think Aspie and I'm thinking that he took it literally that you just needed your sink unclogged. How about if you said "I'm not good with my hands, could you make me one?"

Ok, my friend talked me though it and I texted "I could really use your help to unclog my sink" … he hasn't replied to my last text yet … now I'm really anxious

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Ok, my friend talked me though it and I texted "I could really use your help to unclog my sink" … he hasn't replied to my last text yet … now I'm really anxious

You mean it's only been 5 min?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Ok, my friend talked me though it and I texted "I could really use your help to unclog my sink" … he hasn't replied to my last text yet … now I'm really anxious

I don't think Aspies get us when it comes to communication such as this. I was the same way as you with my Aspie friend - when I texted I was expecting a reply in a certain amount of time. I've now stopped doing that. If he texts me, that's great and if he doesn't he probably has something else going on. I still try to keep in contact with him because I have read that some Aspies might not know when or how to start a conversation or how often they should keep in contact. He has so much going on right now with work and school that other things are having to be put aside for later (including me). I'm getting used to not talking to him as much, but its hard at times and I wish things were like they used to be. I have to take what I can get I suppose.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

So he texted again (an our later) and said he has some of my things. I knew he would text that, he said the same thing the last time we didnt talk for a month. I asked him if he wants to drop it off or if I should come pick it up. UGH. Now I feel sad and anxious :/

Maybe he said that because he wants to see you??????

 

[Plumeria]

Maybe he said that because he wants to see you??????

I dont know … I think he texted that cause he has my things, nothing more. UGH. I'm trying not to think the worse but Im starting to regret asking him for help with the sink. Thanks Angela, I need all the encouragement I can get!

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I dont know … I think he texted that cause he has my things, nothing more. UGH.

Plumeria, you've been on this site too long - you're thinking like an Aspie. Maybe it's the opposite and he's trying to think NT and figure out a way to see you in person. Think positive!

 

[Ste11aeres]

Plumeria, you've been on this site too long - you're thinking like an Aspie. Maybe it's the opposite and he's trying to think NT and figure out a way to see you in person. Think positive!

No way to know for sure. However, presumably he's had your things all this time, so if he really was just concerned about returning them to their owner, he probably would have done so right after the break up.

 

[Plumeria]

No way to know for sure. However, presumably he's had your things all this time, so if he really was just concerned about returning them to their owner, he probably would have done so right after the break up.

So is this a good thing or a bad thing?

 

[Ste11aeres]

So is this a good thing or a bad thing?

POssibly a good thing...hard to say with certainty...

 

[Plumeria]

I am really regretting asking him to help me with the sink now… I want to just fix it myself and tell him, never mind!

 

[Grumpy Cat]

No way to know for sure. However, presumably he's had your things all this time, so if he really was just concerned about returning them to their owner, he probably would have done so right after the break up.

Good point! And if that's what he did last time that you and he stopped talking maybe he's doing the same thing to yield the same reaction. You two ended up back together after he did that last time, right?

 

[Plumeria]

POssibly a good thing...hard to say with certainty...

Thanks Ste11aeres, you've always been there for me. I know we won't know until he replies but the what ifs are making me anxious. I have to remember that he's never straight out said "no" to anything. If he doesnt want to do it, he'll make an excuse.

Good point! And if that's what he did last time that you and he stopped talking maybe he's doing the same thing to yield the same reaction. You two ended up back together after he did that last time, right?

Yes, that is exactly how happened last time. He told me he had my things and I asked him to drop them off. When he came by I asked if he wanted to come in and he said he was going to the gym. I asked if I could go with him and then that was the beginning again…