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Should I try to get my Aspie back?

Plumeria said:
I am really regretting asking him to help me with the sink now… I want to just fix it myself and tell him, never mind!
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I'm just going to say this cause it happened to me and my Aspie friend. Take a deep breath and relax. We NT's tend to jump to conclusions when the situation is totally different. You're thinking he probably doesn't want to do it or whatever when really he could be trying to find his sink unplugger (my word) thingie or trying to get your things together and thinking "oh boy! I'll get to see her again! I really did miss her." Until he actually says "I don't want to see or talk to you" then I would take it for what it is. My Aspie friend said if I was doing something that he didn't like he would just tell me. Just see what happens, but try to get him to fix the sink for you (men always like to feel needed) then thank him by cooking something for him. What's that other saying? "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach." :)
 
nurseangela said:
I'm just going to say this cause it happened to me and my Aspie friend. Take a deep breath and relax. We NT's tend to jump to conclusions when the situation is totally different. You're thinking he probably doesn't want to do it or whatever when really he could be trying to find his sink unplugger (my word) thingie or trying to get your things together and thinking "oh boy! I'll get to see her again! I really did miss her." Until he actually says "I don't want to see or talk to you" then I would take it for what it is. My Aspie friend said if I was doing something that he didn't like he would just tell me. Just see what happens, but try to get him to fix the sink for you (men always like to feel needed) then thank him by cooking something for him. What's that other saying? "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach." :)
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I already meditated to relax myself, haha! I am jumping to conclusions and I am thinking he probably doesnt want to do it and is thinking of an excuse to say no. But you're right, I won't know until he replies. It's funny because the OLD me would have thought that telling him my sink was clogged was an obvious reason for HIM to initiate fixing it and if he didn't offer to fix it, it meant he didn't want to. Now I know that I have to ask for things straight out, which is SCARY for me!! I can see where I made a lot of assumptions in the past! We'll see what happens. I am so thankful to have everyone's support …

BTW, its been over an hour!
 
Plumeria said:
I already meditated to relax myself, haha! I am jumping to conclusions and I am thinking he probably doesnt want to do it and is thinking of an excuse to say no. But you're right, I won't know until he replies. It's funny because the OLD me would have thought that telling him my sink was clogged was an obvious reason for HIM to initiate fixing it and if he didn't offer to fix it, it meant he didn't want to. Now I know that I have to ask for things straight out, which is SCARY for me!! I can see where I made a lot of assumptions in the past! We'll see what happens. I am so thankful to have everyone's support …

BTW, its been over an hour!
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If he's anything like my Aspie male best friend :rolleyes:, a time lapse of an hour, or a day, (longer sometimes in the case of my friend, but hopefully not in the case of your guy) doesn't mean anything.

Sometimes I take a while to reply to someone. Sometimes its just a need to take a bit of time to process things.
 
Ste11aeres said:
If he's anything like my Aspie male best friend :rolleyes:, a time lapse of an hour, or a day, (longer sometimes in the case of my friend, but hopefully not in the case of your guy) doesn't mean anything.

Sometimes I take a while to reply to someone. Sometimes its just a need to take a bit of time to process things.
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Knowing him, he is probably processing things …

OMG … he just replied "Ok, I will help u" … what now??? Go ahead and slap me… Of course I am thinking he is going to help me because he feels obligated since I've done so much for him.
 
image.jpg


(Grumpy Cat looks weird with a happy face.)
 
Plumeria said:
Knowing him, he is probably processing things …

OMG … he just replied "Ok, I will help u" … what now??? Go ahead and slap me… Of course I am thinking he is going to help me because he feels obligated since I've done so much for him.
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Ask him can he come over now and fix it?
 
And don't forget to cook him something that he likes (even if its not tonight you can ask him over to dinner at a later time or take it to his place - at a time good for him, of course.) Men love a nice home cooked meal. :)
 
nurseangela said:
And don't forget to cook him something that he likes (even if its not tonight you can ask him over to dinner at a later time or take it to his place - at a time good for him, of course.) Men love a nice home cooked meal. :)
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I dont know … remember, I'm thinking he's only doing this because he feels obligated to help me since I've helped him so many times. I'll go with the flow and see what happens… UGH. This is too stressful for me and I wasn't expecting it all!
 
nurseangela said:
have read that some Aspies might not know when or how to start a conversation or how often they should keep in contact.
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I might be a girl but i can affirm that this is true. I'm clueless when it comes to keeping in contact with people. More often than not I leave it up to others because if i contact someone first i always wonder if i'm bothering them or saying it wrong or such.

Plumeria said:
Yes, that is exactly how happened last time. He told me he had my things and I asked him to drop them off. When he came by I asked if he wanted to come in and he said he was going to the gym. I asked if I could go with him and then that was the beginning again…
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Going off of what i said to Angie, although its entirely possible he really does just want you to get your stuff...if that was the case I would think he would have gotten that taken care of right after the break up. Especially since he's the one that broke up with you. Perhaps he's just doing what I do...i manipulate and run around my real point of talking all the time just cause i don't know how to ask what i want to ask and do it right. So i'll ask other questions on purpose hoping to get to the question, answer, or result i'm looking for. In otherwords...he could just as easily be asking you that hoping he'll see you again and get the same result as last time he did that.
 
Plumeria said:
I dont know … remember, I'm thinking he's only doing this because he feels obligated to help me since I've helped him so many times. I'll go with the flow and see what happens… UGH. This is too stressful for me and I wasn't expecting it all!
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Who cares why you think he's doing it. Just go with the flow and have some fun! (But make sure you say whatever you are really thinking and wanting from him cause he's going to take you literally.) Example - I really want to thank you for coming over and helping me with this sink. How about if I cook one of your favorite dishes as a way for me to show you my thanks?
 
Ok… he replied again, "Well I was thinking of stopping by after work on the way home to do it. I think Walgreens has it. But then again if you buy it, you can probably do it yourself, its very easy. You just stick the snake deep and keep twisting it…"

What do I reply to that? :(
 
Plumeria said:
Ok… he replied again, "Well I was thinking of stopping by after work on the way home to do it. I think Walgreens has it. But then again if you buy it, you can probably do it yourself, its very easy. You just stick the snake deep and keep twisting it…"

What do I reply to that? :(
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He's right - that's how it's done because I've done it before and boy is it disgustingly messy! It's not a girlie activity.

Just say "I've never done it before. It would really help me if you would show me the first time how its done then if it happens again I'll know what to do."
 
Plumeria said:
Ok… he replied again, "Well I was thinking of stopping by after work on the way home to do it. I think Walgreens has it. But then again if you buy it, you can probably do it yourself, its very easy. You just stick the snake deep and keep twisting it…"

What do I reply to that? :(
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Find something to say that indicates you're not able to stop by Walgreens and buy it.
Or just ignore the Walgreens part and say "That would be really amazing if you can stop by on the way after work."

Actually, Angie's answer is the best.
 
nurseangela said:
He's right - that's how it's done because I've done it before and boy is it disgustingly messy! It's not a girlie activity.

Just say "I've never done it before. It would really help me if you would show me the first time how its done then if it happens again I'll know what to do."
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But he's showed me in the past, thats why I asked him this morning what the device was … :(
 
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