Should I tell my parents that I STRONGLY suspect I have asperger's and get diagnosis?

[GJCG]

Should I tell my parents that I STRONGLY suspect I have asperger's and get diagnosis?

I am having a lot of social problems with my family and at university and I just want to get away from it all. I rate very highly on every asperger test i take on the internet. It's almost like the theory of plate tectonics in geology to me - the one theory that encompasses geology. Why continents look like "puzzle pieces", why volcanoes form in some places and not others, why mountains form, why there are earthquakes. etc.

I have spent 9 months researching on asperger's after I found out about it by accident and I really felt I was reading the story of my life. For the first time I really felt someone had been watching my life on camera and for the first time I really felt I realized why my family, school, college saw something wrong with me and why I was seen as problematic and a source of stress for people without intending to no matter how hard I tried. But I don't want to tell my family at all that I even have suspicions about having asperger's even if I'm 100% sure I have it.

But I don't trust my family and if I tell them I know I'm just going to get more labels and stereotypes and I'm going to get the following responses whenever something goes wrong:

No wonder you're like that, you have asperger's.
Why don't you try to be normal person for a change.
No wonder you have so much pride. (Especially when i make a comment and don't understand at all what I did that offended someone. For me I try my best not to insult but what I say is more or less a logical conclusion based on my observations)
Asshole.

I really want to just get a diagnosis on my own without my family knowing. But I heard it takes many months and I don't have money and it might require parents for other info (Who I'm not interested in bringing along, sorry). Is it expensive? What other tests are given? I could really use therapy to fix myself. I can't imagine how lonely I'll be if I live alone. I spend so much time as a 'watcher' in a corner.

Unfortunately there is no aspie support areas at all where I live (And they're really RARE worldwide).

 

[epath13]

Re: Should I tell my parents that I STRONGLY suspect I have asperger's and get diagno

Where are you from? I'm not sure how expensive it is in other countries but in US it can cost you from $300 and up if you don't have insurance. if I didn't have insurance I would have to pay almost $400. Plus sometimes it might take a few specialists to come to a reliable conclusion. Some doctors believe that the Autistic Spectrum is really wide and there can be lots of different people on it, some are more strict. And if you're on a higher functioning side they might not even want to diagnose you. What also matters if you're in a so called risk group, if you have anyone else in the family who's diagnosed or suspected being on the spectrum. If you don't trust your family I would suggest you leave them out of the prosess, deal with the if only you really can not do it by yourself. My husband was 100% sure that I was on the spectrum after my younger son was diagnosed but my parents were not sure...
Do you have an insurance?
If you're in US, what state?
One more thing I'd like to add. Why do you need a diagnosis and do you think you'll benefit from getting it? If you're confident that you need it, proceed but be prepared for possible complications. Do you experience other let's say processing issues besides social? As for the therapy... No matter how good a therapist is, he/ she won't be able to "fix" you. But he/she might help you to adapt and function better.
Hope this all is helpful.

 

[Droopy]

Re: Should I tell my parents that I STRONGLY suspect I have asperger's and get diagno

I wouldn't tell your family until you are 100% confident or have obtained a diagnosis. Parents are protective over their children and will mostly reject anything that suggests that their child "isn't perfect". The worst thing you can do is have them think that Aspergers is a disease that needs to be cured - completely false. So if you are going to tell them then you need to be confident, be able to prove that you have it and be able to explain to them what Aspergers is in terms that they will understand.

 

[GJCG]

Re: Should I tell my parents that I STRONGLY suspect I have asperger's and get diagno

Thanks epath13 and Droopy for your replies.

I have actually researched alternative disorders in those 9 months... ADHD, ASD, OCD, etc. I am aware that everybody on earth as Tony Attwood once said has said in this interview:

The 100 Piece Autism Spectrum Jigsaw Puzzle

Tony talked about the diagnosis process as being a jigsaw puzzle, here?s what he said about making a diagnosis:

?It?s almost like having a mental check-list that you?re identifying. Now, all the characteristics of Asperger?s exist in the ordinary population. A typical person who is not perfect at reading body language, doesn?t have hundreds of friends, who may not like the noise when you note down on the blackboard, etcetera. So, what makes the condition significant is not a unique characteristic but the strength and dominance and effect of certain characteristics. So we?re doing a check-list of them. Now I say that it?s like completing a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle and there are certain essential social relatedness bits and pieces. But 80 or more pieces of the 100-piece jigsaw puzzle makes the diagnosis.

I?ve never met anyone with all 100, but I?ve never met a typical person with less than 10. So basically, I?m counting them up through the assessment, but the issue then incurs if it?s 80 or more to be diagnosed, what do you do with someone who got say, 70 to 80 pieces? So more than the ordinary population, but not quite enough to confirm the diagnosis. They?re in a grey area, what we call sub-clinical, but may still benefit from some of the strategies for the fragments that they have. So that sort of person I would say they have fragments of Asperger?s syndrome and need help for the fragments they have.?

What Behavior is due to Aspergers?

I asked Dr. Tony Attwood how to tell if a child?s particular behaviour is due to Aspergers or something else. He said:

?It is a very important question because what you often try to disentangle is what is Asperger?s and what?s typical adolescence or typical seven-year-old?s conflict resolution (of ?an eye for an eye.?) It really requires expertise to disentangle the two. Certainly having Asperger?s is not an excuse to get away with things and there needs to be appropriate consequences. But the difference with Asperger?s is you?re going to have to spend more time explaining why. And logic is what they?re going to need in what to do or a script of what?s required. But it means if the child has double issues, one of the typical issues that you?d expect of that age, but the other is due to the social confusion, different learning styles, all those sorts of things, that makes life even more of a challenge for them.

 

[GJCG]

Re: Should I tell my parents that I STRONGLY suspect I have asperger's and get diagno

Oh another one. I also think I have Tourette's syndrome (Not the serious form, the minor "lite" form). Suffer from occasional muscle/verbal tics. Is that a seperate diagnosis? I am much more interested in getting the Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis but I heard that some people with Asperger's can also have some form of Tourette's. Mine is lite and not serious but if it's true then that's even more evidence I have Asperger's (for better or worse).

I don't have to pay an extra $ 300 for that? Or can i tell the doctor making the diagnosis for Asperger's and he/she will just note it w/o an extra diagnosis and no extra payment?

 

[Occasional_Demon]

Re: Should I tell my parents that I STRONGLY suspect I have asperger's and get diagno

Firstly, stop self-diagnosing. It's fine to read up on information, but don't start saying that you HAVE something without getting a formal nod. Professionals have an objective view of your issues, you don't.

I don't know where you are, but in Australia [where I live], usually a psychiatrist makes the final determination as to whether someone has ASD. Clinical psychologists can administer ASD tests that can help with the determination of the decision - I paid for one, out of my own pocket and that was $300 - but I was also seeing a clinical psychologist at that point too, who had been pushing for doctors to recognise that I had ASD since 2009.

If you are student, I think the first port of call would be your student medical centre, and the doctor might be able to help with you getting low-cost resources. At the least, I think you should be speaking with a clinical psychologist about whether you might be on the spectrum.

Tourette's is a different neurological condition; while it's not uncommon for some people with ASD to also have Tourette's, they're separate issues.

 

[GJCG]

Re: Should I tell my parents that I STRONGLY suspect I have asperger's and get diagno

Firstly, stop self-diagnosing. It's fine to read up on information, but don't start saying that you HAVE something without getting a formal nod. Professionals have an objective view of your issues, you don't.

That's why I started the thread in the first place. I said I STRONGLY suspect and have VERY STRONG evidence and basis for saying so... which is why I am asking here in this forum and I just want to assess all my options before doing anything.

I don't know where you are, but in Australia [where I live], usually a psychiatrist makes the final determination as to whether someone has ASD. Clinical psychologists can administer ASD tests that can help with the determination of the decision - I paid for one, out of my own pocket and that was $300 - but I was also seeing a clinical psychologist at that point too, who had been pushing for doctors to recognise that I had ASD since 2009.

If you are student, I think the first port of call would be your student medical centre, and the doctor might be able to help with you getting low-cost resources. At the least, I think you should be speaking with a clinical psychologist about whether you might be on the spectrum.

Yes. I'm still in university. I'm might do it when I graduate years from now but I'm not sure if that's a good idea to wait that long.

Tourette's is a different neurological condition; while it's not uncommon for some people with ASD to also have Tourette's, they're separate issues.

I know that it's not uncommon for people who have Asperger's to also get diagnosed with Tourette's but I asked if I can get a 2 in 1 diagnosis to save time and money.

 

[Effy]

Re: Should I tell my parents that I STRONGLY suspect I have asperger's and get diagno

Oh another one. I also think I have Tourette's syndrome (Not the serious form, the minor "lite" form). Suffer from occasional muscle/verbal tics. Is that a seperate diagnosis? I am much more interested in getting the Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis but I heard that some people with Asperger's can also have some form of Tourette's. Mine is lite and not serious but if it's true then that's even more evidence I have Asperger's (for better or worse).

I don't have to pay an extra $ 300 for that? Or can i tell the doctor making the diagnosis for Asperger's and he/she will just note it w/o an extra diagnosis and no extra payment?

As someone who DOES have Tourette Syndrome, what even is "lite"? How do you know you have it? Do you notice the tics? Are you unable to control them, no matter what you do? What logic process did you go through to think you have it?

You would have had Tourette Syndrome for a while, with either simple tics or complex tics. There's a lot more to it, and I suggest doing more research on it before you self-diagnose.

I 'thought' I had schizophrenia, but I later learned it's more inline with schizoaffective disorder, and I was getting therapy for that and undergoing a diagnosis before I could actually be diagnosed with it... Diagnoses can't happen right off the bat, either, and in the words of House, "Choose the type of doctor you see, and you choose your diagnosis. You go to three different doctors, and you walk out with three different diagnoses." Every psych doctor has a different view, opinion, etc. My therapist works with other therapists, etc., and consults with other professionals about my case (anonymously) before she's certain. Just a tip. I'm basically saying you could get diagnosed now and go to someone later for treatment, who will just diagnose you with something else and say you've been misdiagnosed, etc. It happens.

I really like what Occasional_Demon said.

 

[Nacho]

I highly suggest you think about it very deeply. Things didn't turn out well for me.

https://www.aspiescentral.com/threa...i-dont-have-my-parents-support-in-this.13345/

 

[donn]

Two big questions are, why do you want the diagnosis and how do you think your parents will react? You have talked about how you feel your family might react, but what is it that you would hope to get from them with or without a diagnosis? What do you want from them, and are you likely at all to receive it?

For instance, I refused to look into a recommendation to get tested for years, and have only just begun my research. Given my level of functioning, I'm not too concerned about obtaining an official diagnosis, so much as simply becoming more self-aware. Simply learning about how I may differ from NT's and adding new coping strategies would be enough for me on a personal level. I have been particularly interested in sharing this with my family in response to a lot of longstanding pressures regarding my social life, or lack thereof - there's a whole middle child complex mixed in with that.

One of my parents has always been very concerned about some of my social habits and also has a great respect for official authority. While I anticipate that this parent would likely begin to over-explain my behavior with AS, I also believe that it would greatly lessen some of the strain in our relationship if it was accepted that some of my tendencies are innate, and I was no longer compared to "normal people" (as the parent puts it) on a regular basis. This would prove to be a better overall situation for me, since I would have less pent-up frustrations in regards to some AS-related patronizing. Therefore, if this parent refuses to believe I am on the spectrum without an official diagnosis, I am likely to pursue one.

If you are uncertain about how to proceed, try and think about what it is that you want. If all you really want is to speak up, just to say that you are different, then that can certainly be reason enough - but go in knowing that is all you truly want or need. If you want a certain reaction from them, really consider what that is.