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I say yes. You would have been a great critic. But you still have a shot at writing. You just need to take care of your ankle.I often wonder if I would have been taken seriously as a film critic if I did not let my mother bully me out of my website long ago. I am pathetic, I should have just told her to piss off and I should have just lived my life.
I feel the same about myself. Mine was bad choices in men because l came from deep insecurity. And l still struggle on my path, and l think for what reason? My mom and l never hit it off. I am a result of her bad choice in a boyfriend. Where do we go from here? How are we suppose to feel in our lifetime?I turned down so many opportunities in my life trying to appease my worthless mother who did not want me to succeed in anything in my life. I am a worthless castrato of a human being for letting her gaslight me into wasting so many years of my life. If I died now nothing of value would be lost. I am stuck in a situation I never wanted because I turned down so many positive opportunities for that worthless woman. I have no balls. I am not a man. I am a eunuch.
I would have pursued higher education. I would have learned how to code. I would have had a job I would be happier at. I would not have been infantilized and forced onto SSDI. I would have sought out solid mental health care earlier instead of having a complete breakdown which my mother still uses as leverage against me today. I would still have my movie website and it might have gained a decent following. I can’t blame my mother - I let her gaslight me. I let her always tell me that I would be a failure at the things I wanted to do with my life.I feel the same about myself. Mine was bad choices in men because l came from deep insecurity. And l still struggle on my path, and l think for what reason? My mom and l never hit it off. I am a result of her bad choice in a boyfriend. Where do we go from here? How are we suppose to feel in our lifetime?
in germany we - in theory - have something called "job protection", which means that the employer can not fire you that simple. even so called "operational dismissal" is restricted.My boss recently told me that she needs me in the office five days a week and if my ankle makes it impossible, I would be unemployed very quickly.
Don't believe this. Don't beat yourself up. Find me one person who is perfect? They don't exist. You moved away from your mom. That took a lot of guts to leave that situation because you are a "battered male". It is a syndrome. Go look it up. I had battered female syndrome when l left my marriage. It took at least 2 years to work thru it. Some of it is establishing boundaries, saying the word no, and not over using anything to cover up your feelings. The final part of my journey is to call people out if l think they are gaslighting me or being disrespectful. You got this.I just took a couple of shots of NyQuil to force myself to sleep. Momentarily I will forget how my lack of spine has always been my downfall.
Maybe the highs and lows is something we all go thru with autism. Just hitting anxiety, depression all at the same time is a mother shut your mouth thing. Feeling in the moment, then accepting you feel down, then understanding it's okay to have these feelings, then if l need to, l cry. It's a process, no doubt as your post describes.@Metalhead,
I hope you woke up from some kind of sleep feeling a bit better. I know how much lack of sleep can really start to complicate any issues that seem to keep turning around in our heads.
But, hopefully a new day also brings you a bit of a new perspective on your situation and how difficult things are right now. It’s hard when our well-being ebbs and flows so extremely… Not long ago you were writing about a mounting anxiety from things feeling so good and stable. We discussed, in a thread, how our minds really start to go wacky when we don’t have immediate anxiety and depression to manage.
It’s almost like a catch-22 where when we are in the throes of intense emotions, we can engage and we can use our skills and tools to handle them, but then, does that just lead us to a new calm that is full of newly manufactured anxiety?
Anyway, I just wanted to highlight that you did feel well not too long ago, according to what you were posting, and I imagine that you can get back to that place soon. My current goal is to close the gaps on the ebbs and flows of depression and anxiety and reduce the intensity of how high and low my emotions get. I am seeking the middle ground, but probably here among many autistics, it would make sense that I am having a difficult time finding the gray.
Anyway, that was a lot about me when this thread is about you. I guess I’m just saying that maybe a mindset of riding this out (with support and therapy and anything else that helps you) and looking toward and imagining when things are better could help you through this difficult time. Knowing that you will not get stuck here in this moment, but with a little work and exercising all the things you’ve learned you can move forward to a more satisfying place in your life.