Should I apologize to my aspie ex for being oblivious?

[312Sarah]

I'm re-reading this thread just now and in this case, I don't think you should talk about the past like this unless the context lends itself naturally.

Saying you would have been different, unless he asks or something like that, is not going to help. Instead, focus on your interest in the present if anything. Tell him how you do or might feel different if he would feel the same way. Indicate why you think things could be different now, and maybe or maybe not ask if he is okay trying things again at this level, and how he might feel if things didn't work out a 2nd time.

Thanks. To clarify, I am married and not intending to rekindle a relationship with this person, so after thinking about this more over the past few months I agree that referencing the past is not a good idea. I also agree I should possibly only bring this up if there is a good natural opportunity, which is unlikely to present itself since we don't see each other very often. I would really, really like to talk to him about this, but I think I should just let it go unspoken, and focus on being a supportive friend to him based on what I now know. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[paloftoon]

I think you can simply approach him, tell him you think he is a good person, and that you would like to consider building a friendship with him. maybe even treat him for a coffee at a cafe or something, with your significant other in knowledge of the situation beforehand so as to avoid confusion.

The way you express yourself and your concerns to even consider such actions to this person on here show that you have a good heart for other people

 

[Jane Smith]

I do think it'd be odd to apologize, but I don't think it's odd to ask him about it especially if he is your friend.

If it bothers you, you can always sit down him and ask "Hey, did the way that I react to this situation _____ upset you at all? Did I offend you by the way I reacted?".

He may not be able to respond to you in a clear way. It may even take him a while to think about your question. However, communication is important even if it's just an attempt! His way of talking to you will be different from the way you talk to him. But, I see no reason why you can't learn to adapt with one another.

Autistic people are regular people, so they'll value friendships! Just because you're not dating doesn't mean you're not important. He'll appreciate you reaching out.