Seriously Considering Leaving My Job

[Lorelaine]

I suppose this is more of a vent and I apologize for the long read, but here it goes:

I work in veterinary medicine as a registered nurse and have been at five different hospitals in the last year due to "personality issues" (actually just ASD) and have been struggling to keep a job since I decided I want to simultaneously work with farm animals as well as in a hospital setting for cats/dogs. I love my work, I love to stay busy, and I love to be challenged mentally.

I've been at this current clinic since mid-February of this year and things were going great at first. It's the longest actually I've ever held a job. I'm excellent at what I do technically, but greatly struggle trying to figure out how each team member prefers to be interacted with when it comes to our patients, questions, appts, etc.

Over the last several months, I've noticed my team members beginning to treat me differently and coldly, in comparison with how they treated me when I first started. I was originally "the most interesting person [they've] met", yet now I'm left out of their "social circle". They talk "around me" when I'm in the room, as if I were invisible. They barely acknowledge me when coming in for their shifts and have a sharp tone when speaking to me about our work. I can tell at this point that I annoy them, but yesterday was the final straw. I overheard them gossiping about me behind my back about "how stupid" I am and that I'm an idiot. God knows what else they say about me when I'm not around.

I got into serious trouble recently because of accusations made of things I've "said" about others and because I'm not as well liked as the others, they instantly believe the hearsay to be the undeniable truth. What infuriates me is that the team members accusing me of these things took statements that I made and conveniently left out pertinent parts to condemn me. The whole meeting I had with one of the vets and the other tech was criticism of things I never said. Oh, and the other thing they were upset about is the fact that I get my work done too quickly. I was told that when I was presented with procedures that need to be completed, it doesn't have to be completed immediately. How am I supposed to do my job properly if I'm not actually doing my work? I don't even understand why I was in trouble. They had me even sign a stupid document saying if I repeated the offences I was accused of that I could face disciplinary action.

I consistently have insuborination from my inferiors (my assistants) who consistently argue with my medical decisions. I'm not respected whatsoever by any of the staff, except my boss, even through I am paid the highest wages in the clinic. I almost had an aggressive meltdown today, too. One of my subordinates kept rolling her eyes at me when I said I didn't understand what another coworker meant when she was using some playful jargon. I was so close to assaulting her, it took everything to keep my cool. Worst of all, the other veterinarian (the female who seems to have a problem with me) was commenting about how awful people with Asperger's were and how ridiculous they are. I'm not even sure how I kept my cool then, either. The only person who knows about my ASD is my boss, and I'm glad I didn't mention it to anyone else because now I know their true feelings about those with the condition. I felt so disgusted with myself, and with them.

There's so much more that's been happening, but it's already a long post so I'll keep it at this. I'm thinking of leaving this profession and working at the department store where my husband works or pursuing a career in IT. It's making me very depressed that I have to leave a career I'm proficient in, love, and one that I've been working hard for nearly 10 years in. I'm not sure if I should leave, but I am sure I'm not able to tolerate this childish (even high-school girl clique) behaviour any longer. Why are people so awful?

 

[Streetwise]

I suppose this is more of a vent and I apologize for the long read, but here it goes:

I work in veterinary medicine as a registered nurse and have been at five different hospitals in the last year due to "personality issues" (actually just ASD) and have been struggling to keep a job since I decided I want to simultaneously work with farm animals as well as in a hospital setting for cats/dogs. I love my work, I love to stay busy, and I love to be challenged mentally.

I've been at this current clinic since mid-February of this year and things were going great at first. It's the longest actually I've ever held a job. I'm excellent at what I do technically, but greatly struggle trying to figure out how each team member prefers to be interacted with when it comes to our patients, questions, appts, etc.

Over the last several months, I've noticed my team members beginning to treat me differently and coldly, in comparison with how they treated me when I first started. I was originally "the most interesting person [they've] met", yet now I'm left out of their "social circle". They talk "around me" when I'm in the room, as if I were invisible. They barely acknowledge me when coming in for their shifts and have a sharp tone when speaking to me about our work. I can tell at this point that I annoy them, but yesterday was the final straw. I overheard them gossiping about me behind my back about "how stupid" I am and that I'm an idiot. God knows what else they say about me when I'm not around.

I got into serious trouble recently because of accusations made of things I've "said" about others and because I'm not as well liked as the others, they instantly believe the hearsay to be the undeniable truth. What infuriates me is that the team members accusing me of these things took statements that I made and conveniently left out pertinent parts to condemn me. The whole meeting I had with one of the vets and the other tech was criticism of things I never said. Oh, and the other thing they were upset about is the fact that I get my work done too quickly. I was told that when I was presented with procedures that need to be completed, it doesn't have to be completed immediately. How am I supposed to do my job properly if I'm not actually doing my work? I don't even understand why I was in trouble. They had me even sign a stupid document saying if I repeated the offences I was accused of that I could face disciplinary action.

I consistently have insuborination from my inferiors (my assistants) who consistently argue with my medical decisions. I'm not respected whatsoever by any of the staff, except my boss, even through I am paid the highest wages in the clinic. I almost had an aggressive meltdown today, too. One of my subordinates kept rolling her eyes at me when I said I didn't understand what another coworker meant when she was using some playful jargon. I was so close to assaulting her, it took everything to keep my cool. Worst of all, the other veterinarian (the female who seems to have a problem with me) was commenting about how awful people with Asperger's were and how ridiculous they are. I'm not even sure how I kept my cool then, either. The only person who knows about my ASD is my boss, and I'm glad I didn't mention it to anyone else because now I know their true feelings about those with the condition. I felt so disgusted with myself, and with them.

There's so much more that's been happening, but it's already a long post so I'll keep it at this. I'm thinking of leaving this profession and working at the department store where my husband works or pursuing a career in IT. It's making me very depressed that I have to leave a career I'm proficient in, love, and one that I've been working hard for nearly 10 years in. I'm not sure if I should leave, but I am sure I'm not able to tolerate this childish (even high-school girl clique) behaviour any longer. Why are people so awful?

To me it's discrimination, if they are talking about something that can't be changed and specifically mentioning a conditions name,that is disability discrimination,they need to be stopped,they will continue to discriminate against disabled people.
If you were a Muslim or homosexual they would be very careful about what they said,if you are the highest paid apart from the owner and then you have leverage ,if not it won't be good

 

[spaceman]

Maybe it's the fact your on higher wages that really pisses them off?(vicious empty bullies) I hope you manage this and do right thing for you.

If you put your mind to it, you will outmaneuver them all.

Good luck

 

[Lorelaine]

To me it's discrimination, if they are talking about something that can't be changed and specifically mentioning a conditions name,that is disability discrimination,they need to be stopped,they will continue to discriminate against disabled people.
If you were a Muslim or homosexual they would be very careful about what they said,if you are the highest paid apart from the owner and then you have leverage ,if not it won't be good

The thing is, they don't know I'm an Aspie because I didn't tell them yet. I've only told my boss. I planned to tell them, but the other veterinarian was saying nasty things about those with the condition, so I never told her (nor did I really want to).

 

[Lorelaine]

Maybe it's the fact your on higher wages that really pisses them off?(vicious empty bullies) I hope you manage this and do right thing for you.

If you put your mind to it, you will outmaneuver them all.

Good luck

They don't actually know I get higher wages, it was a secret I kept with my boss. I have more experience and have a higher education than any other employee (minus the vets). I'm strongly considering just leaving, because nothing will change if I "tattle" on them. They'll just resent me more. You can't make people like you.

 

[Streetwise]

The thing is, they don't know I'm an Aspie because I didn't tell them yet. I've only told my boss. I planned to tell them, but the other veterinarian was saying nasty things about those with the condition, so I never told her (nor did I really want to).

You don't need to tell any of them,somebody else should stop them, you shouldn't have to pollute yourself in this matter.

 

[spaceman]

They don't actually know I get higher wages, it was a secret I kept with my boss. I have more experience and have a higher education than any other employee (minus the vets). I'm strongly considering just leaving, because nothing will change if I "tattle" on them. They'll just resent me more. You can't make people like you.

Such a shame. I've had to leave plenty of jobs before, But not after training so long and getting pretty far up.

Any idea what you are going to do if you leave? Are you in the UK?

 

[Lorelaine]

You don't need to tell any of them,somebody else should stop them, you shouldn't have to pollute yourself in this matter.

That's the sad part. Everyone was going with it either with small agreements or with silence. I don't think I've tried as hard to hold back myself as I did then, either from crying or screaming.

 

[Streetwise]

That's the sad part. Everyone was going with it either with small agreements or with silence. I don't think I've tried as hard to hold back myself as I did then, either from crying or screaming.

You're different,different always pays

 

[spaceman]

It's real crap that, that groups does that low level, meek, silent Cliquey nonsense.
All too bothered about being the same and not reaching out. I hate it when people act like that.

 

[Lorelaine]

Such a shame. I've had to leave plenty of jobs before, But not after training so long and getting pretty far up.

Any idea what you are going to do if you leave? Are you in the UK?

I live in Canada. I'm preparing for interviews at other places, but probably not in my field. It's a female-dominated field and this kind of immature behaviour is extremely common. I don't think I can continue in this field due to the people in it. It's too much and it stresses me out.

 

[OkRad]

I suppose this is more of a vent and I apologize for the long read, but here it goes:

I work in veterinary medicine as a registered nurse and have been at five different hospitals in the last year due to "personality issues" (actually just ASD) and have been struggling to keep a job since I decided I want to simultaneously work with farm animals as well as in a hospital setting for cats/dogs. I love my work, I love to stay busy, and I love to be challenged mentally.

I've been at this current clinic since mid-February of this year and things were going great at first. It's the longest actually I've ever held a job. I'm excellent at what I do technically, but greatly struggle trying to figure out how each team member prefers to be interacted with when it comes to our patients, questions, appts, etc.

Over the last several months, I've noticed my team members beginning to treat me differently and coldly, in comparison with how they treated me when I first started. I was originally "the most interesting person [they've] met", yet now I'm left out of their "social circle". They talk "around me" when I'm in the room, as if I were invisible. They barely acknowledge me when coming in for their shifts and have a sharp tone when speaking to me about our work. I can tell at this point that I annoy them, but yesterday was the final straw. I overheard them gossiping about me behind my back about "how stupid" I am and that I'm an idiot. God knows what else they say about me when I'm not around.

I got into serious trouble recently because of accusations made of things I've "said" about others and because I'm not as well liked as the others, they instantly believe the hearsay to be the undeniable truth. What infuriates me is that the team members accusing me of these things took statements that I made and conveniently left out pertinent parts to condemn me. The whole meeting I had with one of the vets and the other tech was criticism of things I never said. Oh, and the other thing they were upset about is the fact that I get my work done too quickly. I was told that when I was presented with procedures that need to be completed, it doesn't have to be completed immediately. How am I supposed to do my job properly if I'm not actually doing my work? I don't even understand why I was in trouble. They had me even sign a stupid document saying if I repeated the offences I was accused of that I could face disciplinary action.

I consistently have insuborination from my inferiors (my assistants) who consistently argue with my medical decisions. I'm not respected whatsoever by any of the staff, except my boss, even through I am paid the highest wages in the clinic. I almost had an aggressive meltdown today, too. One of my subordinates kept rolling her eyes at me when I said I didn't understand what another coworker meant when she was using some playful jargon. I was so close to assaulting her, it took everything to keep my cool. Worst of all, the other veterinarian (the female who seems to have a problem with me) was commenting about how awful people with Asperger's were and how ridiculous they are. I'm not even sure how I kept my cool then, either. The only person who knows about my ASD is my boss, and I'm glad I didn't mention it to anyone else because now I know their true feelings about those with the condition. I felt so disgusted with myself, and with them.

There's so much more that's been happening, but it's already a long post so I'll keep it at this. I'm thinking of leaving this profession and working at the department store where my husband works or pursuing a career in IT. It's making me very depressed that I have to leave a career I'm proficient in, love, and one that I've been working hard for nearly 10 years in. I'm not sure if I should leave, but I am sure I'm not able to tolerate this childish (even high-school girl clique) behaviour any longer. Why are people so awful?

OMG WHY WHY WHY does this happen to us???? I try so hard to understand this shift, how it hapens and wtf they are so bloody angry about??

This happens to me if i stay at any thing more than three months. WHY??? It is almost supernatural.

I see they support people who are mental or out of prison or homeless. No matter who.

But once it hits it is forever. I forgive but my offense to thrm is forever even at church. Never closure. No explanation. Nothing.

People suck

 

[dragoncat16]

I live in Canada. I'm preparing for interviews at other places, but probably not in my field. It's a female-dominated field and this kind of immature behaviour is extremely common. I don't think I can continue in this field due to the people in it. It's too much and it stresses me out.

I've been going through a very similar situation (for the second time), and I have just recently been forced out of my job. The laws here in the UK are supposedly meant to protect people like us but then you have to prove not only that you are being treated badly, but also what the abusers' motivations are. Not only that, but the employer is more likely to just push the troublemaker (the disabled person) out so they can sweep the whole situation under the carpet than to actually do anything about the behaviour. I keep thinking it will be so much better in Canada (I have dual nationality and I'm actually from Canada), but maybe it isn't so great there either.

The thing is, people treat people they like better than people they don't like, which, by definition, puts us all at a disadvantage because it's more difficult for us to make friends.

People suck. (edit: lol OkRad I put that and I didn't even notice you had already said that. It must make it true)

 

[Maiki]

I live in Canada. I'm preparing for interviews at other places, but probably not in my field. It's a female-dominated field and this kind of immature behaviour is extremely common. I don't think I can continue in this field due to the people in it. It's too much and it stresses me out.

I'm so frustrated for you! How awful. It sounds like your workplace has become toxic. I would probably try to go elsewhere...although I know that sometimes a particular position can be ideal-- except for several key people there. Then it becomes a decision about whether or not to take them on in some way (i.e. via union or other official channels), wait it out, or walk away.

 

[Ambi]

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. I've been through similar toxic situations - there was no way I could win in those situations. I have just started a new job, I'm trying my hardest to avoid social pitfalls, armed with new info having learned more about ASD and most of all, NTs. I don't know how things will work out for you there - NTs will not be rational about it, they can really sabotage you or bully you out. Perhaps it can change. My advice - read and watch as much as you can about ASDs on the job, NT social expectations, etc. But for me I think a LOT of crashing and burning was required, trial and error, to try to figure things out better. Again, very sorry you are going through this very unfair situation. Been there :-( I don't even like driving by those old workplaces anymore.

Editing to say: The reason all of this happens is just social. We just rub them the wrong way, plus there may be bullies, but even without bullies - we rub them the wrong way and things get toxic. It happens so often.

 

[pjcnet]

I used to put up with exactly the same at work where I worked in PC technical support and I also got complaints from colleges who kept trying to get me into trouble for apparently "offending" them when I had absolutely no idea what I had done wrong, but there seemed to be a particular ring leader who was actually a team leader in the office, I didn't see it at first, but he finally left and moved onto a new job and when he had his leaving party he thought it would be really funny to invite me to attend and purposely tell me the wrong venue so I turned up alone. My boss found out about it from another college and was furious saying that he was absolutely disgusted by his childish behavior and I think at that stage he realised that I was being prejudiced against with all the complaints. My boss actually apoligised to me and stated that he would now never receive a good work reference if he ever needed one in future and he left on bad terms entirely because of this. After he left things actually slowly improved and the complaints against me stopped, I seemed to get accepted as eccentric and started getting on much better over time.

Sadly quite a few years later I lost my job due to health reasons despite fighting it against Occupational Health in the UK who said I wasn't fit for work and was unlikely to be in the foreseeable future. After losing my job I was diagnosed as having an underactive thyroid and also sleep apnea and when untreated each one on their own causes severe fatigue (I didn't stand a chance with both untreated at the same time), yet all the doctors wanted to do before that was pump me with addictive anti-depressants stating that my severe fatigue and constant tiredness was just depression, they also gave me serious adverse effects and the antidepressant I was on is now banned with various successful compensation cases in the USA (I've been off antidepressants for years now and don't agree with them). I remember literally sleeping at 6pm in the evening on many nights after getting home from work, then getting up for work at 7am (after literally around 13 hours of sleep) and still I was so tired that if I sat for more than a few minutes I struggled to keep my head up as I was so fatigued, I couldn't concentrate and my job was obviously severely impaired because of it. I managed to hide it for a surprisingly long time before it became an obvious issue and I kept pleading for doctors to help to no avail when I kept getting sent home from work.

PS: I never received a penny in compensation for being on what are now banned antidepressants that caused me various adverse effects including feeling psychotic like I was invincible and wanting to fight (I hate any violence normally and did manage to control it, but the urges were there). I even repeatedly woke from sleep punching out dreaming I was fighting (a man got acquitted in the USA after killing his family while on these antidepressants as he was normally non violent man and the drug was ruled to be the cause - and from experience I believe it). At the time I had a partner who I actually physically hurt in bed by waking up punching her. In the UK a law firm was interested in taking on cases, but it never actually happened, at least not in my case anyway.

 

[Mattymatt]

I suppose this is more of a vent and I apologize for the long read, but here it goes:

I work in veterinary medicine as a registered nurse and have been at five different hospitals in the last year due to "personality issues" (actually just ASD) and have been struggling to keep a job since I decided I want to simultaneously work with farm animals as well as in a hospital setting for cats/dogs. I love my work, I love to stay busy, and I love to be challenged mentally.

I've been at this current clinic since mid-February of this year and things were going great at first. It's the longest actually I've ever held a job. I'm excellent at what I do technically, but greatly struggle trying to figure out how each team member prefers to be interacted with when it comes to our patients, questions, appts, etc.

Over the last several months, I've noticed my team members beginning to treat me differently and coldly, in comparison with how they treated me when I first started. I was originally "the most interesting person [they've] met", yet now I'm left out of their "social circle". They talk "around me" when I'm in the room, as if I were invisible. They barely acknowledge me when coming in for their shifts and have a sharp tone when speaking to me about our work. I can tell at this point that I annoy them, but yesterday was the final straw. I overheard them gossiping about me behind my back about "how stupid" I am and that I'm an idiot. God knows what else they say about me when I'm not around.

I got into serious trouble recently because of accusations made of things I've "said" about others and because I'm not as well liked as the others, they instantly believe the hearsay to be the undeniable truth. What infuriates me is that the team members accusing me of these things took statements that I made and conveniently left out pertinent parts to condemn me. The whole meeting I had with one of the vets and the other tech was criticism of things I never said. Oh, and the other thing they were upset about is the fact that I get my work done too quickly. I was told that when I was presented with procedures that need to be completed, it doesn't have to be completed immediately. How am I supposed to do my job properly if I'm not actually doing my work? I don't even understand why I was in trouble. They had me even sign a stupid document saying if I repeated the offences I was accused of that I could face disciplinary action.

I consistently have insuborination from my inferiors (my assistants) who consistently argue with my medical decisions. I'm not respected whatsoever by any of the staff, except my boss, even through I am paid the highest wages in the clinic. I almost had an aggressive meltdown today, too. One of my subordinates kept rolling her eyes at me when I said I didn't understand what another coworker meant when she was using some playful jargon. I was so close to assaulting her, it took everything to keep my cool. Worst of all, the other veterinarian (the female who seems to have a problem with me) was commenting about how awful people with Asperger's were and how ridiculous they are. I'm not even sure how I kept my cool then, either. The only person who knows about my ASD is my boss, and I'm glad I didn't mention it to anyone else because now I know their true feelings about those with the condition. I felt so disgusted with myself, and with them.

There's so much more that's been happening, but it's already a long post so I'll keep it at this. I'm thinking of leaving this profession and working at the department store where my husband works or pursuing a career in IT. It's making me very depressed that I have to leave a career I'm proficient in, love, and one that I've been working hard for nearly 10 years in. I'm not sure if I should leave, but I am sure I'm not able to tolerate this childish (even high-school girl clique) behaviour any longer. Why are people so awful?

This may be quite a legal issue. Perhaps you might consult an attorney about a workplace harassment claim.