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Self Confidence

Me too and contrary to what is said, regarding getting older and thus, things get easy; may work for many, but certainly is not working in my case!

I have found that when I feel comfortable with another, my words flow easily and I really do not even worry how I am coming across. The problem, however is, that I mostly surrounded by ones I do not feel comfortable around and I cannot do anything to change that.

I find that a certain type of my own sex, I cannot handle and if they are tall, I am completely thrown.
 
Unless I am around the few people I can be reasonably comfortable with... Or allowed to discuss a special interest (cars, energy, adventure seeking) I cant talk my way out of anything. I dont even try much anymore.
 
Chance said:
Unless I am around the few people I can be reasonably comfortable with... Or allowed to discuss a special interest (cars, energy, adventure seeking) I cant talk my way out of anything. I dont even try much anymore.
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So paper bags are a problem?
 
Yes, this is difficult - unless we share an interest. I can't think of anything to say and I rely on the other person to keep the conversation going. I hate forced social interraction, often I just don't want to talk to people. Small talk is especially difficult. I tend to avoid talking to people I have nothing in common with, anyway. Talking is a huge effort and not really my thing.
 
Fridgemagnetman said:
So paper bags are a problem?
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I can use it to put over my head I guess : )
Screen Shot 2018-01-02 at 6.23.34 AM.webp
 
I have a horrible time thinking of what to say or do next. I do online role plays, and sometimes I get messaged with "aren't you going to do anything?" and I have to honestly reply "I have no idea what to say or do." Conversations routinely die. I hate small talk. My conversation needs to have a purpose, but once I've talked out that purpose, that's it. Another one dead.
 
There are times where people in my life have been extremely rude because I have an upbeat personality. I tend to ignore the haters because they will never bother to understand me as myself, what drives my positive attitude or why I am the way that I am. My mantra is "I am awesome".
 
I find that self-confidence comes from assuming you're always right, even if you know you're not.

As for how to keep a conversation going, that's an entire book. "Games People Play" by Eric Berne is the book I'd recommend. Some of my favorite tools are "follow-up questions", "active listening", and "the concurring opinion". Active listening while they're making mouth-words, then by default a follow-up question or if their statement is an opinion give a concurring opinion. That's the general formula I use when I'm not trying too hard, and I can usually keep a NT talking as long as I want them to.
 
Progster said:
Yes, this is difficult - unless we share an interest. I can't think of anything to say and I rely on the other person to keep the conversation going. I hate forced social interraction, often I just don't want to talk to people. Small talk is especially difficult. I tend to avoid talking to people I have nothing in common with, anyway. Talking is a huge effort and not really my thing.
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Why would you need to think of anything to say to keep a conversation going if there is nothing to talk about and if you don't have much in common?
 
Self Confidence is a broad concept. More then one way and factor to it. But one method of generating some is setting goals and working towards them and then completing them. Doesn't have to be huge, and starting small is sometimes the best idea. Getting one success under your belt helps you then go onto the next. It never really stops... you never totally get there, but you develop belief in yourself and that is enough.

A wider experience/knowledge base can help in conversations. Being too focused on limited subjects reduces conversation opportunities and length.
 
Esa said:
Why would you need to think of anything to say to keep a conversation going if there is nothing to talk about and if you don't have much in common?
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I'm thinking situations like relatives coming to visit at Christmas time. If I don't talk to them, they think that there's something wrong with me and want to know why I'm not talking... but I have nothing in common with them and nothing to say, it's awkward. NTs have this issue too with relatives, but they are a lot better at making small talk and polite conversation. I suck at this.
 
Progster said:
I'm thinking situations like relatives coming to visit at Christmas time. If I don't talk to them, they think that there's something wrong with me and want to know why I'm not talking... but I have nothing in common with them and nothing to say, it's awkward. NTs have this issue too with relatives, but they are a lot better at making small talk and polite conversation. I suck at this.
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In my case, when I try to have a conversation with most of my relatives, they think I'm awkward mainly because I often disagree with them. So, I don't like talking in family gatherings because I hate their reactions.
Polite conversation is mostly dishonest. Just because you don't meet the standards set by the society, doesn't mean you suck at something. Maybe the thing itself sucks.
 
Esa said:
In my case, when I try to have a conversation with most of my relatives, they think I'm awkward mainly because I often disagree with them. So, I don't like talking in family gatherings because I hate their reactions.
Polite conversation is mostly dishonest. Just because you don't meet the standards set by the society, doesn't mean you suck at something. Maybe the thing itself sucks.
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For me, a conversation is about finding out.

People ofgen start out with their opinion and stick to it like glue.

For me, its a discussion, there is always a circle ofmargument with different positions. I dont need to be possessed by any of them but it can be fun to discuss things..
Yet i get the same.... they may think if i put forward a controversial idea that i believe it.....
Whereas i love to discuss different ideas... they say very little of me personally...
To others it's all personal. As what they say has a social rank, or something they need to feel approval for within their group.

Its not the ideas themselves.

Is that why we get bored? :)
 
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