Second guessing everything you say

[Neonatal RRT]

I've had some 50+ years to deal with this in my life. I believe a lot of the difficulties with this, especially within the context of an autistic with above average intelligence, is the combination of a "quick wit" and a tendency to fire off a quick response, with the autistic deficits of not picking up on all the non-verbal language and understanding another's perspective and context. The social world becomes a field of landmines just waiting for something to blow up in your face, and then putting you on your heals trying to defend or apologize after the damage was done.

1. Force yourself to take a pause before opening up your mouth.
2. Force yourself to understand perspective and context by asking clarifying questions.

Most people are not accurate in their language. This leads to rather broad, nebulous, inappropriate, and inaccurate statements in response. Take the time to narrow down the context and perspective. Gather your information. Then respond. This is a skill. It does not occur naturally.

The byproduct of this is improved social and communication skills. People are more willing to engage with you if you are perceived as "thoughtful".

 

[Mr. Stevens]

It's the way people think - they think in tropes. In their mind, birthday means cake, you can't have one without the other. It's a (social) rule and something that's taken for granted. People often find it hard to think outside the box and it unsettles them to do something different.

Good point. If I were going to summarize it, I might say this looks like :

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).
2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).
3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests)

 

[Luca]

Like others here, I don't speak as much irl as I do in writing.
I have a tendency to say things that sound really rude when they're not meant to be, and then I get mad at people when they're rude back to me. So why bother?

 

[Judge]

Always. And it never ends...

Yeah. What @Luca just said above.

 

[Vindiesel]

No, if I offended them then they can set a boundary or talk to me about it. I try to remain neutral but some of my pessimistic inner monologue does escape into my behavior and or words. If you dont compromise my autonomy or my short term goals I set for myself I can be very agreeable and passive. If you do then I can be the opposite.

I think worry/remorse stems from anxiety...I have never had high level of anxiety issues so maybe my input is moot at best and my emotional empathy is at zero. I speak very little so I do analyze my conversations with others but it is more of information gathering then worry analyzing. I follow my rigid flow chart internally with a scooch of deviation factored in and everything works out.

 

[Au Naturel]

It's the way people think - they think in tropes. In their mind, birthday means cake, you can't have one without the other. It's a (social) rule and something that's taken for granted. People often find it hard to think outside the box and it unsettles them to do something different.

Yup. These are things not worth the effort of getting upset over. It is how most people's minds work.

 

[Running Girl]

Second guessing puts me in a terrible head. I'd rather avoid contact altogether than have conversations only to get stuck in second guessing hell afterwards. Well that explains why I'm so avoidant!

 

[OddlyGodly]

I am still picking apart conversations I had in kindergarten lol I question every word I say nearly. This is my current problem I'm working on within myself. I get too anxious.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Nope. I review things. I often go to the toilet during a meeting and take notes. After the thing is over im just grateful. I make notes for the next meeting.