Second guessing everything you say

[ZebraAutismo]

Does anyone else have days where they just keep thinking about everything they’ve said and worrying they’ve said the Wrong things and offended people.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Unfortunately, yes.

 

[MildredHubble]

Does anyone else have days where they just keep thinking about everything they’ve said and worrying they’ve said the Wrong things and offended people.

I certainly do. I think it's because people can be so unpredictable. I've found myself often on the receiving end of a diatribe because I've apparently failed to see some "sacred cow" that's apparently obvious to everyone else.

If you've experienced people often misinterpreting your intentions then I think it's perfectly understandable that you would worry about offending people. All I can say is if you genuinely didn't intend to cause offense, try not to worry about it.

Some toxic people like to capitalise on any misplaced remorse you might have. I'm sure you know in your mind and heart what you intend and mean when you talk to people. That's what really matters

 

[Slightly]

I do all the time. I think it's because I so often say a thing and then later learn some other message was received by the person I was talking to. I could go crosseyed trying to figure out all the various ways people can interpret every word I say. =o)

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I do all the time. I think it's because I so often say a thing and then later learn some other message was received by the person I was talking to. I could go crosseyed trying to figure out all the various ways people can interpret every word I say. =o)

Between that and their misreading facial expressions, it's a nightmare. I mean, I probably apply many expressions incorrectly. But, it's annoying if you're just being polite and it's misinterpreted. The alternative is often being called out for having no (visible) reaction.

 

[Darkkin]

I don't tend to talk very much if I don't have to. I will be polite and/or civil about things, but I am also direct. I couch things in terms that are objective to the situation, not the person. By deploying the buffer it gives people's egos a bit of space, but it also gives me space to point out the objectivity in case some decides to be offended by a topic.

When they say: 'You said I...' Deercheck that statement at the door because I do not...Look at the conversation again. Carefully. People twist and weaponize words all the time. That is why I am concise in my phrasing.

I'm very good with words, but I also have a subtle and dented sense of humour. I'm also not slow to apologize if I genuinely bruise someone's feelings, that is never my objective in any interaction.

People tend to be a lot of work without much gained from costly interactions, so I'm picky about when and where I engage. Part of the reason I love forums and hate the daily shallows of IRL interactions.

Forums I can curate my topic choices. IRL, one is dealing people as enlightening as an earthworm. Earthworms have a very important purpose, I won't let them die on the sidewalk after a heavy rain. I just don't want to talk to them.

By being as selective, (some will call it snobbish), in my interactions I'm not constantly second guessing every word I say; it is one battle I don't pursue. Words once said cannot be undone. Forgiven, yes. Forgotten, not entirely.

 

[330]

Yes everyday . I found it’s best just not to talk

 

[Kisa the tea]

This is why I try not to talk verbally very much. With text it is so much easier because I have time to think about my exact words and there is no rush like if you're standing right in front of someone. I worry about the consequences of things I might say and how I may ruin things. I've done so in the past.

So verbally I'll just agree with whoever I'm talking to or do what they say to avoid that.

 

[Au Naturel]

Does anyone else have days where they just keep thinking about everything they’ve said and worrying they’ve said the Wrong things and offended people.

I never worry about such things. I am always completely confident that's the case.

 

[The Pandector]

You mean... there are people who aren't like that every day?

 

[Progster]

Yes. After a conversation, I often play it back in my mind and start to worry about the stuff that I said. I don't know how what I say may come across to people, I just guess. My mum told me recently that I don't hide my feelings, I wear them like an open book. I thought I was ok at masking, but obviously not. The problem is that I might be able to manage my words, but not my body language.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Yes. After a conversation, I often play it back in my mind and start to worry about the stuff that I said. I don't know how what I say may come across to people, I just guess. My mum told me recently that I don't hide my feelings, I wear them like an open book. I thought I was ok at masking, but obviously not. The problem is that I might be able to manage my words, but not my body language.

I wish people saw me that way--though I can understand if you find it frustrating. Instead, I feel like my emotions should be fairly obvious, but they're not. For example, I used to hike a lot before I got Lyme disease. Now I find it a struggle to walk. I was hiking about 7 hours every Saturday, and now I'm lucky to walk one hour on a flat path. My coworkers have seen me use a cane and struggle at work. Yet, each week, some jack*** asks me if I did any hiking. Even a year and a half later. No, I didn't do any hiking. I felt lucky to move around my apartment. I can only wonder what they see and hear, to have such an outrageous sense of reality.

Yesterday I got asked what kind of cake I wanted for my birthday. This coworker knows I hate sweets because I mention it constantly. How about no cake? Why is this confusing? I really just don't get the perspective of people like that.

 

[330]

@Mr. Stevens

I have things like this happen to me all the time with family and people .

I get upset thinking are they trying to irritate me

Or are they really that stupid they don’t remember things about me or things I have told them

Especially if they continue to do it

 

[Mr. Stevens]

@Mr. Stevens

I have things like this happen to me all the time with family and people .

I get upset thinking are they trying to irritate me

Or are they really that stupid that they don’t remember things

Especially if they continue to do it

Yes, exactly! And I think a lot of the time it's not to irritate you at all, they just don't listen. Or I guess few people really mean what they say, so when you talk about real problems they think you're just venting. I don't know. It's just scary that these people have kids and drive cars

They ignore the polite version, but when you're less polite they get so offended. Pick one!

 

[330]

@Mr. Stevens

Interesting, because I notice the patterns of them remembering things about other people perfectly.

It must be the way I talk to them , Me lacking all the proper facial expressions and body language.

They don’t retain the information correctly, because of that maybe they don’t remember.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

^ You make a great point. I have noticed that, regarding their memory.

I've also noticed how sometimes non-Autistic people really have trouble understanding if you don't use affect. It isn't just that they prefer affect or get a lot of meaning from it--they struggle to hear any meaning without it, no matter how clear the words are.

 

[330]

@Mr. Stevens

Interesting, it’s as if it’s like a Broadway play they get it.

But we are presenting it is a Ken Burns Documentary , they don’t get it

 

[autism-and-autotune]

Does anyone else have days where they just keep thinking about everything they’ve said and worrying they’ve said the Wrong things and offended people.

I over-think every conversation which I've had recently with strangers.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Constantly. Every single word or thought is second guessed. But it's good. It means aspies are conscientious.

 

[Progster]

Yesterday I got asked what kind of cake I wanted for my birthday. This coworker knows I hate sweets because I mention it constantly. How about no cake? Why is this confusing? I really just don't get the perspective of people like that.

It's the way people think - they think in tropes. In their mind, birthday means cake, you can't have one without the other. It's a (social) rule and something that's taken for granted. People often find it hard to think outside the box and it unsettles them to do something different.