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Saying goodbye

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Amanda Nyborg, Jan 15, 2020.

  1. Amanda Nyborg

    Amanda Nyborg Active Member

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    Today I had to let one of my best friends go. It was really hard for me and it was one of the toughest things I had to do. I feel like a monster of a human being. She left me no choice. I couldn’t handle the constant bullying and judging she would constantly put me down and tell me things like I was hard to deal with and judgemental. She would put down all my close friends and tell me who I should and shouldn’t be around. She was extremely possessive and very close minded about my Aspergers. After 5 years of this treatment I got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore and the ppl that care about me worried about my mental health because being around her was killing me. I just feel like such a bad personality for cutting someone out of my life I am loyal to a fault and never would try and hurt anyone, this has left me feeling like I’m not even human. The worst part is I can’t even cry about it because for some reason I just feel really numb
     
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  2. Juliettaa

    Juliettaa Black Sheep. Society of One. V.I.P Member

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    Losing a friend/letting a friend go is like a bereavement so your feelings, to me, sound perfectly natural.

    Making a decision like that is extremely tough but also very brave. You recognised that this friendship wasn't healthy and you took steps to protect yourself. That's a good thing. A really good thing!

    Be kind to yourself and take time out to heal, be around people (if you want to be) who are kind and understanding of you.
     
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  3. Amanda Nyborg

    Amanda Nyborg Active Member

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    Thank you i appreciate that. The hardest part is she thinks she has done nothing wrong and it’s all my fault:( so it doesn’t feel like I’m sticking up for myself but more like I’m just causing a problem
     
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  4. Sarah S

    Sarah S Well-Known Member

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    Based on how you describe this so called x friend you havent done ANYTHING wrong and you were right in letting her go. And you have EVERY right to sticking up for youre self so DONT blame youre self.

    Reel friends accept and respect you as you are (incl ANY diagnosis etc... )
     
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  5. Nervous Rex

    Nervous Rex High-functioning autistic V.I.P Member

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    Based on your description, you didn't lose a friend - you got rid of a bully. Congratulations on sticking up for yourself.
     
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  6. Amanda Nyborg

    Amanda Nyborg Active Member

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    Thank you I appreciate the input
     
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  7. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Friends who are consistently toxic to you are not really friends at all. Five years is plenty to arrive at such a conclusion.

    Better to see it this way. You simply got rid of a problem- not a friend.

    This is about "good riddance". Not "good bye". ;)
     
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  8. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    As you move forward, try not to accept a "friend's" bad attitude toward you. So for instance, if she's being judgmental about who you should be friends with, you would say "Hey, I don't tell you who to associate with, so don't be judgy about who I hang out with."

    This may either keep it from being a five-year abuse scenario, or hopefully even allow her to recognize her own social skills deficits in time to correct them.
     
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  9. Amanda Nyborg

    Amanda Nyborg Active Member

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    Yes in retrospect I realize there are so many times that I should have said something and didn’t but going forward I will definitely do that
     
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  10. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Not as a benchmark to ghost people by, but just learn to spot those who don't understand and don't want to understand. Where they expect- or demand that you "toe the line" of the Neurotypical world.

    Those who autistic people are most apt to have difficulties with, whether they lead to abandoning them for your own mental health, or sticking it out and trying to achieve some kind of understanding.

    Even someone on the spectrum can potentially be "socially vigilant". ;)
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020
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  11. Varzar

    Varzar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    A long time ago I was in a similar situation.. The friendship no longer worked, it wasn't very healthy.. I viewed ending the friendship as the correct course of action for both of us.. But, he did not see it that way, and it was forever my fault after that..
    I agree with "loyal to a fault", and I wouldn't be surprised if that is a common AS trait.. Given how difficult it is for AS people to make friends, it's probably more common that we try to protect/defend those friendships to the bitter end.. Basically, what NTs take for granted is something very precious to us..
    Anyways, hope you feel better soon. You're not a monster for doing what's right for you. With everyone, I believe health should be the #1 priority. Unfortunately, some relationships compromise that priority, and they must go, despite how painful that inevitably is. :(
     
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  12. Alexej

    Alexej Active Member

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    Hard choice but sounds like a good one and the right one for you.
     
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  13. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I do know how you feel, along with the guilt that they may never even know or understand why. I have the same problem and guilt with a brother and a sister, but I had to get away from them. Yes, in my case there was a last straw and I blew up from that and ended the relationships, so as far as they will ever know, I was just being overly dramatic concerning the one thing and they don't even feel they did anything wrong there. I actually wrote that I forgave them but they changed my view on family and it was over. They would never even acknowledge my forgiveness - that they hadn't done anything that needed forgiven. So I just have to tell myself that it doesn't matter, for me it's over and I've parted ways without bitterness.
    My other sister I still have contact with will pass along hello's from them and last time I finally told her to not do that anymore because then it just makes her be the person putting me in a crappy mood the rest of the day. So she said she won't any more.
    Sometimes it's just the best thing to let someone go. If they are destructive to you mentally and/or emotionally - would you go back to someone who was slowly destroying you physically?
     
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  14. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    Advise some quiet time to yourself.
     
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  15. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    To bad you had to do this but sometimes you have to do what's best for you.