Relationship failure

[Kevin L.]

Hello Everyone:

My live-in girlfriend of almost 6 years is going to leave me because of my autism issues.
1) Has anyone--because of sensory issues--have problems doing housework? She doesn't accept that the vacuum cleaner is painful when it's running. She also doesn't believe me when I tell here that I have trouble seeing when something may be dirty.
2) Has anyone in a relationship had their spouse or significant other constantly angry and frustrated with them?
3) Does anyone accuse you of "milking" your autism to get out of doing things around the house?
4) Does your significant other try to control everything because of your autism, and "lack of competence" that's attached to it?

Any feedback would be appreciated.

Thank you for your time.

 

[Tom]

In mixed relationships, or probably any for that matter I think it important not to focus on the problem but on working together to find solutions or compromises. Once in a while there may be something you can't fix, in which case you (or they) just need acceptance, and once this has been identified and agreed it should not be brought up any more.

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[Kevin L.]

In mixed relationships, or probably any for that matter I think it important not to focus on the problem but on working together to find solutions or compromises. Once in a while there may be something you can't fix, in which case you (or they) just need acceptance, and once this has been identified and agreed it should not be brought up any more.

Miele Complete C3 Alize
If quiet is what you aim for, the Miele Complete C3 Alize is your best bet. It’s the quietest among both full-sized vacuums and stick vacuums—it’s comparable to the quiet buzz of a typical office space. It doesn’t hold up when it comes to carpet—it earns only a Good rating on that front. But it’s fantastic at cleaning bare floors and pet hair, so if you don’t have carpet and want a very quiet vacuum, this could be the model for you.

QUICK TAKE


Miele Complete C3 Alize
Price: $700

NOISE

HANDLING

PET HAIR

Unlock Vacuum Cleaner Ratings
Become a Member or Miele Complete C3 Marin is one of the quietest canisters we tested, earning a rating of Very Good for noise. And it performs well on all the tasks that matter: carpet and floor cleaning, and picking up pet hair. It features manual carpet-height adjustment, which is a good option if you have higher-pile carpets. Find out why Miele vacuums have a very loyal following.

Thank you very much. I see I'm not the only one who has a problem with vacuuming.

 

[Suzanne]

Been married to an nt for nearly 30 year's now ( next year) and 1. Not those particular things, because I am the one who does the housework, since hubby works full time outside. But, I have an aversion to outdoor smells and especially garden smells. So, when it has been raining and he comes home with wet clothes ( gardener), it makes me feel sick and he doesn't understand that and so hangs his clothes in a place, where I can only smell, which is so rancid.

2. Yes, he gets angry a lot with me. Says I am hard to deal with and that is because he won't compromise with me. I do try to compromise with him, which is terribly hard to achieve.

3. Before I was formally diagnosed, he did not want me to go for it, because he reckoned I would use it as an excuse to "get away with things", but ironically, since the diagnosis, he says things like: well, I guess it is because you have aspergers etc, which makes me laugh at the irony of it.

4. Very much so. Even says that because I am not normal, it is obvious I can't think for myself and will say: that I should fit in with normal people and I say: oh yes? I have tried for all these years. Don't you think it is about time you tried with me?

In our early marriage, we talked about divorce a lot, but never went through it and about a couple of year's ago, I guess, he said about getting a divorce to free me. But, I said that surely trying to work together is the better option? So, now that I have that formal diagnosis, he is a little better. But, does tend to tease me by deliberately being literal and is thrown when I take him literally, because it is subtle.

 

[Kevin L.]

Been married to an nt for nearly 30 year's now ( next year) and 1. Not those particular things, because I am the one who does the housework, since hubby works full time outside. But, I have an aversion to outdoor smells and especially garden smells. So, when it has been raining and he comes home with wet clothes ( gardener), it makes me feel sick and he doesn't understand that and so hangs his clothes in a place, where I can only smell, which is so rancid.

2. Yes, he gets angry a lot with me. Says I am hard to deal with and that is because he won't compromise with me. I do try to compromise with him, which is terribly hard to achieve.7

3. Before I was formally diagnosed, he did not want me to go for it, because he reckoned I would use it as an excuse to "get away with things", but ironically, since the diagnosis, he says things like: well, I guess it is because you have aspergers etc, which makes me laugh at the irony of it.

4. Very much so. Even says that because I am not normal, it is obvious I can't think for myself and will say: that I should fit in with normal people and I say: oh yes? I have tried for all these years. Don't you think it is about time you tried with me?

In our early marriage, we talked about divorce a lot, but never went through it and about a couple of year's ago, I guess, he said about getting a divorce to free me. But, I said that surely trying to work together is the better option? So, now that I have that formal diagnosis, he is a little better. But, does tend to tease me by deliberately being literal and is thrown when I take him literally, because it is subtle.

Thank you.

 

[clg114]

Understanding ASD is everything, for both people. I have been married to my NT wife for over 50 years. She went to the trouble of understanding autism and I do to. It works.

 

[Fino]

Vacuums are awful!

 

[Giraffes]

I have had long term relationships with two men both of whom were N/D Autism as we know presents differently in men and women and i have a strong need for 'order' my last relationship failed as neither of us were able consistently able to see the others perspective and 'way of being' i tried but was accused of 'as long as you get everything your own way you're happy' well i wasn't!!!! apology rant other, and understand that both people need to want it to work, both partners had a unconscious (prehaps) urge for me to do all the housework and looking after them with little show of affection or appreciation, now single and think for me ATM that's for the best,acceptance is the key i guess, i hope you find a positive way forward.

 

[Thinx]

Has anything changed recently? I ask because if you have been together 6 years, I'm guessing it wasn't always like this? Do you see more of each other than you used to, or have you recently moved in together? If there's recent changes, that could be what's stirred things up.

If not, what's your sense of why this is happening now? How were things ok for 6 years but are not now? Are the 2 of you thinking of starting a family maybe? That can be a cause for reassessing the relationship. Or is she stressed at work? Can you sit down together for a talk?