Relating to others

[Amee]

Hi Amee, my daughter is like you in that she gets upset by other people's problems. With her friends she can only take so much upset and then she has to withdraw her support, then her friend thinks she's uncaring. A recent example is a friend had started self harming which upset my daughter so much that she couldn't cope, so the friend went to someone else for support

That has happened to me too

 

[bentHnau]

My guess is that whether or not one can relate to people is more of a matter of personality than neurology, although I of course cannot maintain that these are two entirely distinct characteristics.

It would be interesting if someone conducted a poll to determine the personality type (MBTI) of the site users, and how well they felt they related to other people. Hey! Maybe I will do it.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I can relate to people and understand them just fine, I just don't share their interests most of the time.

 

[Maddox]

No, I don't relate to others and am basically indifferent towards them. However, that's not necessarily caused by my autism alone, I'm also and extremely unsocial loner.

 

[The Penguin]

However, that's not necessarily caused by my autism alone

Very true. Socializing is a very hard skill that not everyone is good at. It seems I can do OK if it something like I need to do my job and talk with my co workers, I want to order food, etc. But when it comes to normal chat with people including ones I don't know, that the part that is very hard.

 

[Peace]

In as much as we are all the same, we are all so different.

 

[Babs]

My guess is that whether or not one can relate to people is more of a matter of personality than neurology, although I of course cannot maintain that these are two entirely distinct characteristics.

It would be interesting if someone conducted a poll to determine the personality type (MBTI) of the site users, and how well they felt they related to other people. Hey! Maybe I will do it.

That would be interesting. I have difficulty differentiating between what's personality and what's ASD. I think there are potentially aspie traits in everyone. Then again, I think what does it matter anyway.

 

[Maddox]

Very true. Socializing is a very hard skill that not everyone is good at. It seems I can do OK if it something like I need to do my job and talk with my co workers, I want to order food, etc. But when it comes to normal chat with people including ones I don't know, that the part that is very hard.

Exactly. The functional part of spoken conversations or the mere sharing of information doesn't pose a problem for me. If it get's personally however, I'm on black ice.

 

[Melissa Kay]

It depends on the person. Many Aspies who are female, or have a more feminine mind, tend to also be like this, I've found. Because we're more focused on blending in by activating our "chameleon-like" abilities, perhaps we then also pay more attention to NTs, and therefore are more invested in them. I find that I pay quite a lot of attention to people, and have been known to understand them better than others may at times. Of course men can do this too, but we tend to begin from a very young age.

Hi Vanilla,
Do you think the best book about female Aspergers syndrome is Aspergirls? I am heading to the library today to get an AS audiobook.

Thanks,
Melissa

 

[AdamR]

I was surprised to learn that my partner is an Aspie, because he does so well with social interactions and is a very compassionate sort of chap. From what I've learned since, it appears I'd absorbed some stereotypes and misconceptions. Coming here has shown me what a diverse group is the AS community.

As it happens, John says he did used to have a lot of problems relating socially, but as he's been around longer, he's observed and adapted. He says it had to do with his living so much in his head, spending so much time on his own, his uncommon way of looking at things, his natural impatience, and his preoccupation with his special interests.

You're quite lucky to be a person who can be so in touch with others. Your relative comfort with social life could make you a great help to others on AC who struggle with that.

 

[Vanilla]

Hi Vanilla,
Do you think the best book about female Aspergers syndrome is Aspergirls? I am heading to the library today to get an AS audiobook.

Thanks,
Melissa

Hi Melissa

I definitely found the book to be enlightening, and many other members have as well. It was written by a woman with AS. It's easy to read (doesn't feel like reading a textbook), and offers insight in to particular female traits, that I have not read anywhere else. It also places these traits in to context, and describes common social errors women can make, and has some guides on how to deal with certain social situations. I was surprised how many of them related to me. The book was also recommended to me by the Tony Attwood clinic.

Hope that helps

 

[Melissa Kay]

Hi Melissa

I definitely found the book to be enlightening, and many other members have as well. It was written by a woman with AS. It's easy to read (doesn't feel like reading a textbook), and offers insight in to particular female traits, that I have not read anywhere else. It also places these traits in to context, and describes common social errors women can make, and has some guides on how to deal with certain social situations. I was surprised how many of them related to me. The book was also recommended to me by the Tony Attwood clinic.

Hope that helps

Thanks Vanilla. I just requested it from another library because mine doesn't have it. I am a bit lonely today and I am hopeful that this book will help me to feel less alienated. You gave a great summary. Especially about the Attwood Clinic recommending it. Wow. Thats great too.

 

[Vanilla]

Thanks Vanilla. I just requested it from another library because mine doesn't have it. I am a bit lonely today and I am hopeful that this book will help me to feel less alienated. You gave a great summary. Especially about the Attwood Clinic recommending it. Wow. Thats great too.

That's quite alright. I hope it is helpful.

 

[Kari Suttle]

It seems to be very common for people with AS to have issues relating to others, in fact, it seems like everyone has problems with it. Is this true? Because I don't.

I've heard that we as aspies have issues thinking from another person's point of view, but that at the same time we can be very empathetic. Its certainly true for me - i can't comprehend how another person might feel from their point of view, just project how i would feel or how someone i know might feel onto them and empathize with that. But i empathize very strongly even if i'm really just empathizing with what i would be feeling instead of what i think they would be feeling.

 

[Syfmsl]

i can chat very well with others, make some expressions and understand them, but it required work because in the beginning i didn't even speak. but i still have the same anxiety and other things.

 

[Irkoutsk]

Yeah me too I don't have problem relating to others. Sometime I think that the psy did a mistake with my diagnosis. You know that asperger syndrome and autism is a really large diagnosis I mean it regroups a lot of symptoms and every person with asperger is different. Sorry for my bad English.

 

[Harrison]

So I am newly diagnosed with AS, and there is something I'm wondering about. It seems to be very common for people with AS to have issues relating to others, in fact, it seems like everyone has problems with it. Is this true? Because I don't. I am considered amongst my (NT) friends to be a very kind, understanding person, who always listens, tries to help, and care deeply about them, and I always try to see things from their perspective and often their problems also hurt me deeply.

I have been told the same things, which often confused me as I don't think I relate to people.

My cat gave me the answer. She shares her home with me (I know) and in return I tend to her needs, look after her if she gets sick etc etc, exactly like I look after people. However, I am aware that she is a cat, totally different to me, but, I see humans the same way, as being totally different to me.

So maybe what they see as my compassion and caring is just me looking after another species?

 

[Amee]

I have been told the same things, which often confused me as I don't think I relate to people.

My cat gave me the answer. She shares her home with me (I know) and in return I tend to her needs, look after her if she gets sick etc etc, exactly like I look after people. However, I am aware that she is a cat, totally different to me, but, I see humans the same way, as being totally different to me.

So maybe what they see as my compassion and caring is just me looking after another species?

This makes sense to me!

 

[Suiseiseki]

No one is interesting to me, most everyone I meet seems like a carbon copy of everybody else

 

[Graelwyn]

I would say I am compassionate, but unless I have experienced the same thing, I feel no empathy when someone is suffering, so I will try to help, as it is my nature to like helping others and being of service, but it comes from my head usually. Now, if I see something extreme with extreme signs of emotional distress, like in the news, I get strong feelings of upset and distress. But otherwise, it is difficult.