I am not coping well at all. Im feeling like my family are better off witho me. I have always been very reliant and im just petrified all the time. I havespent 20 years being around but never worked. I feel like the worlds biggest baby and like the world is just a giant thing I avoided by being on computer.
I cant stop it...my mind os just in a cycle of constant attack and I cant get out. I even feel utism is a lie...I dont know how to accept a life ive never fought for
I am sorry to hear that you are not coping well at the moment. I often go through similar thoughts and feel like I’d be better off gone and that I’m a burden. I also used to feel like I was a waste of space because I didn’t work and never had a full meaningful career or achieved anything Worthwhile. Although it turns out that things you think are often lies that you tell yourself. It is something that I have started to realize.
You sound very low and maybe dealing with depression. I very much hope that you have resources that you can approach for help. Maybe, a psychiatrist or approach your doctor.
In the meantime, whilst I don’t know you, I feel like if you’re focusing on the negatives and looping with these thoughts, the best thing to do is snap out of them and do something active that helps you to feel a little bit better. And I mean do something that is completely mindless that doesn’t really require active thought. It works for me. I workout and/or do something craft related so I’m more or less focused on something that doesnt require me to think and loop Because I know how that can go and how depressive that can be and I know that things can get better. You may not believe me but they Can and do. I really believed that life was awful and that I should just die. I also self harmed , although I’ve been doing that since I was 12 So not an easy habit to break. Since the new year, I’ve been really making an effort to use different strategies whenever I feel low or if I feel like I’m starting to get anxious with the fact that I have no job, no friends, no relationship, no children and that I’ll be 33 in two months. I really have to battle with these thoughts but right now, its Being beaten. So I know that you can do it too.
If you have anyone else around who is supportive of you, then it makes it so much easier to manage. And i really hope that you can approach them and say that you are feeling like this and need help. There‘s no shame in this.
Take back your life...act. What's done is done...your mind is now your biggest block. Take it back. 
