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RAISED by a FATHER with SUSPECTED ASPERGERS.

R

Rebecca Lloyd

Member
Hello everyone,
I was interested in joining this group so that I could gain some insights into Aspergers and related conditions because I think it's highly likely that my father, a brilliant mathematician, and a very frightening man to be raised by, had some form of autism or Aspergers as so many of the behaviours I read about fit my experience of him, and the effect it had on me fits with what I've read about damage done to the children of someone like that. Wish I could say I ever loved him, but from a very early age indeed, my instinct was to keep as far away from him as I could, and so I was an isolated child, [with four sisters], and a singularly independent, living alone adult... but perfectly happy with my life and my own children and so on.
 
Rebecca Lloyd said:
Wish I could say I ever loved him, but from a very early age indeed, my instinct was to keep as far away from him as I could, and so I was an isolated child, [with four sisters], and a singularly independent, living alone adu
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Welcome to the club, hope you find some insights here.
 
Rebecca Lloyd said:
a very frightening man to be raised by, had some form of autism or Aspergers as so many of the behaviours I read about fit my experience of him, and the effect it had on me fits with what I've read about damage done to the children of someone like that
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You're making people with ASD out to be some sort of monsters... :confused: I don't know the exact circumstances of your upbringing, but maybe your attitude towards him has to do as much with the way you are as with the way your father was.
 
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BK201 said:
You're making people with ASD out to be some sort of monsters... :confused: I don't know the exact circumstances of your upbringing, but maybe your attitude towards him has to do as much with the way you are as with the way your father was.
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Hey, it's fine, she just at the start of her journey. A little further along shell be fine.

All our parental figures change to new people as we get older.
 
Fridgemagnetman said:
Hey, it's fine, she just at the start of her journey. A little further along shell be fine.

All our parental figures change to new people as we get older.
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Lol, considering that she's 70, I conclude that her opinion about her father is well established by now. Anyway, I didn't mean to attack her, merely to point out that the way we tend to see people is often colored by our own personality, preferences, general life experience, etc. We don't necessarily know how someone is deep inside.
 
I was one of 5 children so am still trying to figure out how you could be an isolated child with 4 sisters... ;) But did your sisters also avoid your father?

When you say "the effect it had on me fits with what I've read about damage done to the children of someone like that." I'd like to know where you found that. I have not come accross anything like that in the literature I've seen so far. It has all been about autistic people as children, not as parents.
 
BK201 said:
You're making people with ASD out to be some sort of monsters... :confused: I don't know the exact circumstances of your upbringing, but maybe your attitude towards him has to do as much with the way you are as with the way your father was.
Click to expand...


Wait. I understand your POV, but the poster is entitled to their opinion. I think my father had a form too, and it was absolute hell living with him. He is dead now, and I just cannot forgive him- even though he could not help it, was unaware (he was born in 1923), uncommunicative, unempathetic, unsympathetic, and showed no love to all of us kids in our family. Both parents should never have had children. Anyone with those qualities should not have children.

Saying that a very young child has any sort of “attitude” towards their parents is unjustified as little children just don’t have the capacity for that. I recall my father being this way since I was three years old. I remember.
 
BK201 said:
Lol, considering that she's 70, I conclude that her opinion about her father is well established by now. Anyway, I didn't mean to attack her, merely to point out that the way we tend to see people is often colored by our own personality, preferences, general life experience, etc. We don't necessarily know how someone is deep inside.
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Yes indeed. Perhaps at the start of a journey aged 70,

Let's wait till Rebecca responds :)

A hard thing to re-interpret one's life.

You don't always come out the winner. :)

More things might be your fault than you originally thought.

I'm very happy to think myself an idiot.

1. I'm happy to be proven wrong.
2. I don't approach others with an attitude of I'm better

Re 2. Apart from my days off.
 
BK201 said:
You're making people with ASD out to be some sort of monsters... :confused: I don't know the exact circumstances of your upbringing, but maybe your attitude towards him has to do as much with the way you are as with the way your father was.
Click to expand...
My attitude as a child to him, you mean?
 
Tom said:
I was one of 5 children so am still trying to figure out how you could be an isolated child with 4 sisters... ;) But did your sisters also avoid your father?

When you say "the effect it had on me fits with what I've read about damage done to the children of someone like that." I'd like to know where you found that. I have not come accross anything like that in the literature I've seen so far. It has all been about autistic people as children, not as parents.
Click to expand...
I was an isolated child because that was how I could survive. I think my sisters connected with each other more, although two ran away when they were teenagers. But I handed myself in to social services. I have been researching parents with aspergers/autism, and found a good deal of information.
 
BK201 said:
You're making people with ASD out to be some sort of monsters... :confused: I don't know the exact circumstances of your upbringing, but maybe your attitude towards him has to do as much with the way you are as with the way your father was.
Click to expand...
I didn't expect hostility, but can I just say that I'm talking about my father, not people with ASD that I don't know. I am not saying those people are monsters, nor am I saying my father was a monster. I am saying my father was a very frightening man. I'm saying again exactly what I said above. Is that wrong on this site?
 
BK201 said:
Lol, considering that she's 70, I conclude that her opinion about her father is well established by now. Anyway, I didn't mean to attack her, merely to point out that the way we tend to see people is often colored by our own personality, preferences, general life experience, etc. We don't necessarily know how someone is deep inside.
Click to expand...
thank you for saying that, and you are right, I am 70 although quite how you know that, I don't know. My father is dead. My experience of him and my attitude to him has been the same since I was 3 or 4 years old. I could've said I was very frightened by my father, rather than he was very frightening. I don't mind which way round it goes. :)
 
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