Question for NT women here?

[BradT]

Would NT be willing to have children with a guy who has aspergers if she deeply cared about them? because some women are afraid their children will inherit the trait?

 

[Autistamatic]

If someone truly loves you for who you are why would they not want to have children that were like you?

 

[Bolletje]

I'm an Aspie woman and I'm not even sure I want to have children because they might pull the short straw, genetically.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Part of the answer might not be related to how they feel about you or Asperger's but how they feel about their own ability to deal with any special needs their children might have (underline might, no assumptions here). So perhaps more related to self doubt than feelings towards partner.

 

[BradT]

Part of the answer might not be related to how they feel about you or Asperger's but how they feel about their own ability to deal with any special needs their children might have (underline might, no assumptions here). So perhaps more related to self doubt than feelings towards partner.

Well, there is also a possibility the child won't have aspergers right? I might do children inherit most of their mothers or fathers traits?

 

[TheFreeCat]

Why are you only asking about NT women? Is this because you would not want an Aspie partner?

If you would not want an Aspie partner, maybe a lot of NTs shy away from us because they don't want Aspie partners.

Maybe your own question is in some evolutionary way answering your own question.

You want a neurotypical partner to increase your chances of neurotypical kid because even if you'd love a special need kids with all your heart, it is not what people normally and instinctively choose.

 

[BradT]

I take offense with people who has aspergers characterizing them as "special needs" It's a social disorder, that's it.

 

[Autistamatic]

Each to their own. I have no kids but if I did, I'd rather they be like me and share my enhanced view of the world than miss out by being like everyone else.

 

[TheFreeCat]

I take offense with people who has aspergers characterizing them as "special needs" It's a social disorder, that's it.

Special Needs is not referring to the ASD. Special needs is referring to the fact that many with ASD are also at increased risk to be in SN category. But again, why do you only want an NT woman?

 

[TheFreeCat]

Each to their own. I have no kids but if I did, I'd rather they be like me and share my enhanced view of the world than miss out by being like everyone else.

You have related your earlier struggles. If you wanted a kid to be like you (and we think you are awesome ) but I am just asking......if you did have kids like you, how would you prevent them from enduring what you did? Would that be a given? Would knowing have made it better or worse?

I know we like how we are, but considering how difficult it was for many of us to get to the peace, I am confused when you say you would want your kid to be like you. Again, I think you are wonderful, but I know it was after a lot of confusion....

Please expand your answer.........

 

[Autistamatic]

You have related your earlier struggles. If you wanted a kid to be like you (and we think you are awesome ) but I am just asking......if you did have kids like you, how would you prevent them from enduring what you did? Would that be a given? Would knowing have made it better or worse?

I know we like how we are, but considering how difficult it was for many of us to get to the peace, I am confused when you say you would want your kid to be like you. Again, I think you are wonderful, but I know it was after a lot of confusion....

Please expand your answer.........

Well thank you for the compliments That's very kind of you.

I won't go into detail on why I see my autism as much as a gift as a hindrance.
I have spent 35 years coming to terms with who I am and much of that soul searching and adaptation has been because society is not as accepting of us as it should be. Myself and thousands of other creators, advocates, educators and organisations are working to change that although it will take time.
The other big obstacle to me was the lack of acceptance in my family. They refused to believe it right from the start. They saw autism as a defect and would not accept that one of their own was defective. They preferred to think of me as lazy, arrogant, insensitive, contrary and worse, than believe I was autistic.
Were I to have a child on the spectrum they would have the benefit of being believed and have a parent/role model that understood their world. Like many of us, my inner child never died, it just hides from the world by necessity.
I could pave the way to avoid many of the pitfalls I fell into. I could ensure they had an education that fitted in with their needs rather than trying to mould them into something they are not. I could encourage them to follow and develop their natural interests and skills rather than pushing them into things they didn't like, to appear "more normal". I could help them recognise and develop the social skills they were weak in and maximise their strengths.
And whilst doing this, I would continue to make videos, build alliances and work towards making the outside world a less hostile place for when they reached majority and faced it for themselves.

I hope that answers the question

 

[TheFreeCat]

Well thank you for the compliments That's very kind of you.

I won't go into detail on why I see my autism as much as a gift as a hindrance.
I have spent 35 years coming to terms with who I am and much of that soul searching and adaptation has been because society is not as accepting of us as it should be. Myself and thousands of other creators, advocates, educators and organisations are working to change that although it will take time.
The other big obstacle to me was the lack of acceptance in my family. They refused to believe it right from the start. They saw autism as a defect and would not accept that one of their own was defective. They preferred to think of me as lazy, arrogant, insensitive, contrary and worse, than believe I was autistic.
Were I to have a child on the spectrum they would have the benefit of being believed and have a parent/role model that understood their world. Like many of us, my inner child never died, it just hides from the world by necessity.
I could pave the way to avoid many of the pitfalls I fell into. I could ensure they had an education that fitted in with their needs rather than trying to mould them into something they are not. I could encourage them to follow and develop their natural interests and skills rather than pushing them into things they didn't like, to appear "more normal". I could help them recognise and develop the social skills they were weak in and maximise their strengths.
And whilst doing this, I would continue to make videos, build alliances and work towards making the outside world a less hostile place for when they reached majority and faced it for themselves.

I hope that answers the question

Could you do a video specifically for people who may want kids or who have kids or who are helping to raise kids? As a guide to maybe help guide and to avoid much of the confusion we all endured growing up?

There are many aspies who love kids but think back to their own experiences and get scared. But it is a new world with much more acceptance and a HOST of us who survived........I think it would help a lot of people who may want to guide kids into a good place and not fall for the idea that ASD means STRUGGLE.

Maybe it does not even have to mean struggle for the next generation if we all give our voice out there......

 

[Bolletje]

I take offense with people who has aspergers characterizing them as "special needs" It's a social disorder, that's it.

Thing is, if you have Aspergers, it's not said that if you pass the genes on, your children will be on the high functioning end of the spectrum. It's entirely possible for people with Aspergers to have children with a more severe level of autism, which could be specified as 'special needs'.

 

[Autistamatic]

Could you do a video specifically for people who may want kids or who have kids or who are helping to raise kids? As a guide to maybe help guide and to avoid much of the confusion we all endured growing up?

There are many aspies who love kids but think back to their own experiences and get scared. But it is a new world with much more acceptance and a HOST of us who survived........I think it would help a lot of people who may want to guide kids into a good place and not fall for the idea that ASD means STRUGGLE.

Maybe it does not even have to mean struggle for the next generation if we all give our voice out there......

Because I am not a parent myself it wouldn't be appropriate for me to do such a video on my own, but I am reaching out to other creators and looking to collaborate on such topics. It's one I'd like to do, but to be credible I need to work with a parent or parents
Thanks for the suggestion though, it's a good one.

 

[Judge]

I don't think such a question can be universally answered in one way or another. That it depends exclusively on the perception of an individual.

 

[Mr Allen]

I'm a male Aspie from the UK, I want kids, I've just come to the painful conclusion at 42 that if I was ever destined for the marriage and kids thing I'd have done it years ago

 

[megacomic]

I'm an Aspie male but personally I think I would find raising an NT child to be a more daunting task for me than raising an Aspie. With an Apsie I at least have some idea what to expect and how to go about things. But an Aspie raising an NT is a whole different can of worms. An extroverted NT child is pretty much my worse nightmare.

However the woman I am currently pursuing is an Aspie. We are both the only Aspies in our immediate family which means the chances of an NT child may be more than likely. The reason that's a bit of a nightmare scenario is because we might not be able to provide an NT child with the right guidance to navigate the world because we may not understand their world in the same way our NT parents didn't understand ours. So the child might have some Aspie personality traits despite being an NT because that may be all they know.

 

[megacomic]

You have related your earlier struggles. If you wanted a kid to be like you (and we think you are awesome ) but I am just asking......if you did have kids like you, how would you prevent them from enduring what you did? Would that be a given? Would knowing have made it better or worse?

I know we like how we are, but considering how difficult it was for many of us to get to the peace, I am confused when you say you would want your kid to be like you. Again, I think you are wonderful, but I know it was after a lot of confusion....

Please expand your answer.........

I can't speak for him personally but the world is a lot different and more accepting of ASD than it was 20 or 30 years ago. Especially with the knowledge of it constantly expanding. Not to mention with over dependence on technology is making NT;s more socially awkward than ever we tend to stick out a lot less than we used to. I think would also help to be raised by a parent whose been through the same things so you have a frame of reference and someone with the knowledge get you through certain situations. Honestly if either of my parents understood me, my childhood would have been 10 times easier.

 

[Joel's Hear]

I am ND and my wife is NT. 4 kids. 2 are NT, 1 is high functioning and 1 is low. Low functioning children are extremely difficult but well worth it.

 

[TheFreeCat]

Because I am not a parent myself it wouldn't be appropriate for me to do such a video on my own, but I am reaching out to other creators and looking to collaborate on such topics. It's one I'd like to do, but to be credible I need to work with a parent or parents
Thanks for the suggestion though, it's a good one.

Good point. And all the variations! Two NTs raising an ND. An NT and an ND raising and ND. Two NDs raising and NT, an NT and an NT raising an NT. Two NTs raising an ND.............. OH MY, I have lost count!!!!

I guess the goal would be how to raise the ND. However, two ND raising an NT would also be interesting!!

Anyone who could make a video on all the variations would be talented indeed. I hope you do collaborate because it would be stupendous.