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Question for Aspies

  • Thread starter Thread starter Chris
  • Start date Start date
My mom understands me pretty well most of the time, until I have a meltdown. Then she just keeps telling me: "You need to get it together" over and over, and that just makes it worse. I've tried telling her that I can't be "all together" all the time, but she expects me to be because she can "keep it together."
 
It annoys the hell out of me when someone tells me to 'get it together' or 'pull yourself together'. Makes me feel like they think I'm doing it on purpose, when I genuinely can't stop it.
 
Yeah, and I don't know about you, but sometimes I just need to cry for a little while before I can go back to my usual self. So when someone's ordering me to "get it together", it's just making it take longer for me to get back to my "normal".

Another thing that my friends ask that confuses me more than annoys is, "what do you need?"--If I knew what I needed, outside of taking a moment to let myself break down, then I'd take care of it or tell you I needed it. I wouldn't be here having a meltdown if I felt I could identify what I needed at that moment.

Come to think of it, it also confuses me when people ask "are you okay," when I'm clearly not. I appreciate not being ignored, but at the same time, what does asking that accomplish if you already know the answer? My friends have had a lot more success asking things like, "what's going on?" or "what are you thinking about?" rather than "are you okay?"
 
next time someone tells you to "get it together", tell them to make suggestions on how to calm down instead of saying something useless lol
 
I'd like to think that most of my friends understand me. My family understands just fine just my friends, what few I have, might not quite fully understand me. Sometimes I can't even understand me, you know those days where you just don't get it lol
 
krisi said:
Come to think of it, it also confuses me when people ask "are you okay," when I'm clearly not. I appreciate not being ignored, but at the same time, what does asking that accomplish if you already know the answer? My friends have had a lot more success asking things like, "what's going on?" or "what are you thinking about?" rather than "are you okay?"
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When people ask if you are OK, they are really asking you what exactly is wrong and how can they help you. They know that somethings wrong but they need to know what & why. So next time if someone asks if you are OK, you need to reply that you aren't, why you aren't and how they can help you.
 
Calvert said:
When people ask if you are OK, they are really asking you what exactly is wrong and how can they help you. They know that somethings wrong but they need to know what & why. So next time if someone asks if you are OK, you need to reply that you aren't, why you aren't and how they can help you.
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I think it's more they feel an obligation to say something, but don't know what to say. That's how it is for me.
It's perfectly obvious the person isn't okay. But you just seem like a jerk when you stand there and don't do anything. :/.
Maybe it's just me though. It doesn't feel like it though.
But I agree with your response.
EMZ=]
 
My dad does his best but really doesn't understand me well anyway. Same with my mom but she kinda understands me alot better. My younger sister is probably the most understanding one as she has many friends with aspergers (that I dont know at all). And my uncle and his wife understands me quite well too, probably cuz we see eachother quite often, a few times per year or so, and he got aspie traits aswell.

Cept for those, most of the people I know outside my family doesn't understand me at all, either cause they dont want to or they really can't. Which is one of the reasons why I don't see them that often or even talk about it with them.

But I really couldn't care less cause in the end I understand myself and that's good enough for me :)
 
Close friends? Almost none, due to being friendless in the first place.

Close accidental relatives? Like, all of them, save my very young brother.

It is often 'enough' that I am left alone, not being 'bullied', while they can no longer do anything about this aloneness.

Most simply can't come across the strange otherness of the Universe, in the form of an autistic individual who is not interested in the way they construct the world for themselves, based on the shallow mimicry of their pleasing each other. ^_^
 
Emor said:
I think it's more they feel an obligation to say something, but don't know what to say. 
It's perfectly obvious the person isn't okay. But you just seem like a jerk when you stand there and don't do anything. :/.
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Yeah, that's pretty much it.
 
Most of my family do understand me except when i start discussing the next item of intrest in between an other conversation like i have 10 things on my mind and want to get it out of my system... :wtf2:
 
I get on with most people pretty well, none of my family know that I'm an aspie,they just think I'm

real quirky,they don't know what AS is.

Most everybody else knows,people problems still just come out of nowhere sometimes, probably

because of my inability to pick up on social cues.

Sometimes I am at fault,other times I am not.Its like I just blink and suddenly everybody's mad at me

and I have no idea why.
 
I think my parents understands me well. Especially my mother. But my two younger sisters might not always. But we get along.

Actually, many people don`t know that I have Aspergers. For example in school, no student knows about it. They don`t think I`m somehow weird or different (Or so I think). All of my teachers knows it tho, but they treat me like any other student and it seems to me that they don`t even remember the fact that I´m an aspie because I`m pretty much like everyone else. Or so I think anyway.
 
When I was thinking about this a bit more, a question came to my head; Can anyone truly understand someone 100%? Seems like an impossibility to me. You know, people changes during time so you might understand someone but later you don`t. What ya think? This is quite a philosophical question.
 
some of my family don't get me at all, especially my dad, which is probably mostly why he gets violent towards me. the rest of my close family sort of halfway understand me.
 
I honestly don't have a clue if anyone understands me since I never ask. I argue a lot with my parents, but does that mean they don't understand me? I don't know. I don't have friends these days, but years ago when I had girlfriends I kind of got the impression they didn't really get me at all; but then that was before my diagnosis so I didn't get myself either lol.
 
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