Question about disclosing Aspergers to friends/family

[Mary Terry]

It was probably far more your statement that such disclosure would have derailed the marriage and not led to what you stated as the horrible outcome of a child with Autism

 

[Mary Terry]

Sorry, but I don't understand your reply. What I said was that disclosure of my sister-in-law's autistic condition to my brother might have preserved the marriage because my brother would then have some understanding of why my SIL acted as she did toward my brother. Disclosure - and honesty - in a marital situation is essential to survival of the marriage. When one spouse engages in aberrant behavior and the other spouse does not understand why, it creates stress and turmoil in the marriage.

As far as the decision whether or not to have a child, every potential parent is morally entitled to know of hereditary/genetic conditions of the other parent that might affect the child. I did not say anything about a "horrible outcome of a child with Autism". Please don't project that negativity onto me. If you have an autistic child, then you do the best you can to help that child have a good life. However, if you know in advance that there is a high risk of having an autistic child, then you may well NOT want to have a child. It's a fundamental right of a prospective parent and applies whether it is autism, schizophrenia, sickle cell disease, or anything else that can be inherited by the next generation.

 

[WereBear]

I'm also confident that he would never have had a child with her if he had known of the risk of having autistic child with her.

I went back and checked: and indeed, I got this quote correct.

I understand that your SIL probably is a very difficult person who seems to have deep character problems. I agree that disclosure of known conditions is the right thing to do, and that she was wrong to deliberately conceal such.

But what made me indignant was your own words. I'm autistic, you see.

I helped raise two step-children, I'm on my second successful marriage (widowed,) am a good friend and a good community member, continuously employed since 16 and an excellent student. All this; and I'm a risk?

My parents shouldn't have had me?

 

[OkRad]

I went back and checked: and indeed, I got this quote correct.

I understand that your SIL probably is a very difficult person who seems to have deep character problems. I agree that disclosure of known conditions is the right thing to do, and that she was wrong to deliberately conceal such.

But what made me indignant was your own words. I'm autistic, you see.

I helped raise two step-children, I'm on my second successful marriage (widowed,) am a good friend and a good community member, continuously employed since 16 and an excellent student. All this; and I'm a risk?

My parents shouldn't have had me?

And it does not mean the child would have it. I know autistic people who have NT kids. And I know NT people with two auties! So it is a crap shoot. There is an enviromental factor, I am sure, that triggers it.

Still, I would tell. If a parent knows a child may have it, it can be a gift. Autism can be a good thing if people know early on. My generation was screwed because we were told we were horrible and demented and mentally ill (those are the nice things I was told). Kids today, I hope, will have it much better when they have autism.

 

[WereBear]

If a parent knows a child may have it, it can be a gift. Autism can be a good thing if people know early on. My generation was screwed because we were told we were horrible and demented and mentally ill (those are the nice things I was told). Kids today, I hope, will have it much better when they have autism.

Precisely.

I see it as similar to genetic conditions like sickle cell anemia. Two copies, and someone has a serious illness. One copy, and they have protection against malaria.

A serious case of autism is heartbreaking for everyone, because it is that much more difficult for the person inside to connect with their family and friends. But it has only been the last few decades that we have even attempted to help them; who knows where we can go with proper support?

But having Asperger's is like having one copy of the gene; I have come to see us as a vital part of civilization progressing on many fronts. Because when you have a bunch of NTs together; will they do something different? No, because the smothering instincts of "going along" will override new ideas.

We have no such problems. We are the yeast that makes the dough rise.