Preparing for visitors

[Tom]

I have switched it over to saying we should arrange a day and time.....then never bring it up. I still have a goal in my head of learning to be some kind of a hostess to guests....but I have been too exhausted. Having someone over, no matter how casual, would mean I'd have to take off the next day at work, or the day after that, from exhaustion. And honestly, I think my conversational skills, and my weird looking home, wouldn't be very inviting to others....and then that would feel like yet another fail. So I feel very conflicted - but people wanting to just drop by suddenly??? Not happening, I would have way too much anxiety. Some relatives tried to do that and I couldn't handle it - we had to tell them I was too ill, and really, it was true. Another relative tried to plan a trip up here to spend a few days at least.....and then she dropped it. I was so glad. Massive anxiety, but felt obliged - I grew up in a family and culture where hospitality is king and so very normal. In my imaginary ideal, though, the home is clean, people think it looks interesting, not off-putting and weird - or don't notice it at all, and I have that knack of presenting really good sweets with coffee or tea....I haven't stretched it so far, even in my mind, to imagine that I also sever a really tasty meal. I would love to have that as a goal, to be a talented cook....but I have always struggled with clumsiness and distraction and lack of practice in the kitchen. I haven't even manage to consistently prepare the simplest of foods for myself while maintainng full-time work. Trying to decide whether I should keep that goal of cooking - wondering if it comes form within, or it's bowing to expectations from without...and how realistic it would be for me. I actually feel really embarrassed and ashamed of my lack of cooking talent. Not sure if that's because of a real inborn desire, or failure to live up to social standards.

Anyway, I hope no one has any surprise visits any time soon!

Cooking and food preparation is one of the things I like least in life. I have absolutely zero interest in it. Like many on the spectrum I have 'special interests'. Cooking I guess is a special uninterest.

Cruel fate therefore when circumstances dictated I shift into the Homemaker position. I don't mind the Homemaker role itself, actually I kind of like it, it's just the cooking I dislike. But there is a working wife and 4 ever-hungry Chihuahuas to feed. (Human kids have grown up and out).

But even after several years I still basically suck at it. I just make the same repetitive simple meals with no seasonings. To my wife they are barely etable and she has resorted to stocking premade meals. But to my chihuahuas they are like dining in the finest restaurants of Paris.

So although as a human chef I am a pathetic and utter failure, in the chihuahua universe I am fabulous, a true artist, a giant in the field. When they finish their plates they are cleaner then if they just came out of the dishwasher. So clean I just put them back in the cupboard. Just kidding. I may even write a recipe book one day: 1 meal for Chihuahuas.

 

[watersprite]

update

Meeting went just fine, my anxiety was not bad. Because of having set up the boundaries ahead of time, there was a pleasant awareness of the meeting’s brevity.
So I have a new rule that an hour is a do-able interaction. Unless hiking or other workouts, and then I can tolerate others for hours as long they don’t chatter the whole time.

@Tom do Chihuahuas even enjoy eating their daily vegetables?

 

[Tom]

update

Meeting went just fine, my anxiety was not bad. Because of having set up the boundaries ahead of time, there was a pleasant awareness of the meeting’s brevity.
So I have a new rule that an hour is a do-able interaction. Unless hiking or other workouts, and then I can tolerate others for hours as long they don’t chatter the whole time.

@Tom do Chihuahuas even enjoy eating their daily vegetables?

Glad it went well. You can pat yourself on the back. It takes extra effort to interact with other humanoid entities.

Yes, they like veggies quite a bit, even as snacks/treats (things like stringbeans, carrots, peas). You can tell by the order in which they eat their dinner, although you might have to video it and then slow it down to slo-mo to see what is actually happening. They always will eat the meat first, then veggie then rice. But if starch is sweet potato they will eat veggie last. But I have found they aren't very keen on fruits in general. The only ones they usually like are watermelon and dried mango. Very spoiled they are.

 

[watersprite]

@Tom That’s cool you observe their patterns closely. So much to learn when one does that, whether with our loved ones or others.

This house is very small but it’s time to bring at least one new furry family member into it.

lol I agree that sweet potatoes are kinda yucky. Pumpkin’s better.

 

[Tom]

@Tom That’s cool you observe their patterns closely. So much to learn when one does that, whether with our loved ones or others.

This house is very small but it’s time to bring at least one new furry family member into it.

lol I agree that sweet potatoes are kinda yucky. Pumpkin’s better.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention pumpkin. They love that (and squashes in general) and its good for them. The 'science' of dog diets is much debated, but there is more concensus that just kibble is not the best. I just do one 'people food' meal for them, dinner.

Cats are great in small spaces as are Chihuahuas (and probably other small breeds, I just don't know them). Chihuahuas are companion bred dogs and don't have the exercise needs of many other dogs. Funny how the most high strung little yappers are also the longest living - a lesson in there somewhere.

 

[watersprite]

So maybe the preparing for visitors thread naturally morphed into preparing for furry companions.

That is new to me, the concept of companion bred dogs.
I’ll ask at the local vet if they have suggestions or know of any available around here.

 

[Fino]

I typically only hang out with friends on special occasions, and once at the end of one of those, the person asked me if I'd like to hang again just two weeks later. I shouted "NO!" so loud and almost fell over. I swear it was involuntary.

 

[Judge]

Part of me is always apprehensive about a six day visit from my brother. I just deal with it. But as we get so much older, I suppose it's unspoken that we contemplate the possibility that this might be the last time we meet.

Incentive to deal with it. It will go well, it always does. But it still wears me out. Even my own kin.

 

[Fino]

Part of me is always apprehensive about a six day visit from my brother. I just deal with it. But as we get so much older, I suppose it's unspoken that we contemplate the possibility that this might be the last time we meet.

Incentive to deal with it. It will go well, it always does. But it still wears me out. Even my own kin.

Even? Or especially?

 

[Judge]

Even? Or especially?

Definitely "even"...depending on circumstances- and individual. But when it comes to socializing with people I don't know very well it's considerably worse. And above all, anyone who has leverage over me usually in terms of employment.

Though at the moment my relationship with my cousin has gone from bad to worse. Wondering whether she eventually calls me or not, and whether I choose to answer and deal with her, or simply never answer and essentially "ghost" her once and for all.

 

[watersprite]

I’d forgotten that the person who visited me was a great chess player & very good at math. They’d changed careers since I last saw them, which is positive.

Since my relative is uncomforable with this person, I’ll not discuss the pleasantries that took place.

I feel proud of myself for getting out of my comfort zone a bit.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

I used to play chess

 

[watersprite]

I used to play chess

One of my daydreams is being good enough to play my son at chess, and win.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

I think it mostly just takes practice to be good at chess