• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Please I really need your help regarding breakup

Kalinychta said:
“Just friends” never works when it comes to ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. It sounds like you just plan to wait and see if he eventually wants a real relationship. Don’t wait too long. He sounds very emotionally delicate and clearly has a low-tolerance for stress, so quite possibly he just wants to talk to you and flirt with you via computer but won’t ever want and/or be able to handle anything more than that. I’d say just make sure you know how long you’re willing to wait for him to want a relationship with you, and if it doesn’t happen, then make yourself move on instead of wasting more time and energy on someone who doesn’t want what you want.
Click to expand...
Hey！Thank you! So we talked again yesterday. And he said the main reason that drove him to break up was that he didn't want this relationship anymore. It seems he distinguish relationship from me very clearly. He said that I might not be his girlfriend did not mean that he didn't love me or care about me anymore. Even tho I did not quite understand because in my eyes of course I would like to be together with someone I love. But for him relationship and me are different things，he loves me but just does not want to be in romantic relationship with me.
 
Aspychata said:
Get tired of people giving me ultimatums about what my relationship is suppose to be. My friendships are my business and nobody else's. I don't have to push anybody in a corner and say do this or that to conform to society standards. I think outside of the box. I like to be mutually respectful and follow boundaries. I don't need to date stamp my friendships that this or that has to happen by this or that time. I just want concentrate on happiness at my age. Good luck and follow your happiness.
Click to expand...
！！！！！！I guess that he thinks the same! We talked yesterday and he tried to make me understand that what he did not want was the relationship instead of me. It seems he distinguish relationship from me very clearly. He said that I might not be his girlfriend did not mean that he didn't love me or care about me anymore. Even tho I did not quite understand because in my eyes of course I would like to be together with someone I love. But for him relationship and me are different things，he loves me but just does not want to be in romantic relationship with me.
 
Someone has told me there is no love, it's just a concept sold by Hollywood. So l have changed my thinking. This way l protect myself. Maybe it gets easy with older age. I am disconnected in regards to love. After an abusive marriage l guess. Friendship is safer.
 
Last edited:
Aspychata said:
I say wait as long as you want. Sometimes nothing out there is as great as what you have, nothing will make you smile and light up your world. Don't settle for just mediocre and then regret your choice forever.
Click to expand...

Based on what I know about you and your past, I don’t think I’d recommend to any woman that they wait for a man to change, would you?
 
Gurengui said:
Hey！Thank you! So we talked again yesterday. And he said the main reason that drove him to break up was that he didn't want this relationship anymore. It seems he distinguish relationship from me very clearly. He said that I might not be his girlfriend did not mean that he didn't love me or care about me anymore. Even tho I did not quite understand because in my eyes of course I would like to be together with someone I love. But for him relationship and me are different things，he loves me but just does not want to be in romantic relationship with me.
Click to expand...

i’m so glad he had the courage to tell you that. It’s to his credit; many people just don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, so the “just friends” things seems less of a blow.

In the future, don’t ever accept anything that you don’t want or like. Ever. Don’t ever settle or compromise. EVER.
 
Kalinychta said:
Based on what I know about you and your past, I don’t think I’d recommend to any woman that they wait for a man to change, would you?
Click to expand...
No，tho I am looking forward to that but I will not wait for him to change or come back to me. I respect his choice. I am actually really happy that what he hates is the relationship instead of me. As he said he still cared about me even tho I might not be his girlfriend. I appreciate and respect all kinds of love.
 
Kalinychta said:
i’m so glad he had the courage to tell you that. It’s to his credit; many people just don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, so the “just friends” things seems less of a blow.

In the future, don’t ever accept anything that you don’t want or like. Ever. Don’t ever settle or compromise. EVER.
Click to expand...
Thanks！But you know it is hard to not compromise when you madly want to make someone stay with you. But I will try!
 
Aspychata said:
Someone has told me there is no love, it's just a concept sold by Hollywood. So l have changed my thinking. This way l protect myself. Maybe it gets easy with older age. I am disconnected in regards to love. After an abusive marriage l guess. Friendship is safer.
Click to expand...
Yea I understand that. The more hurt I got in relationships，the more intimidate I will be. But I actually wish that I always believe in love and always have the courage to choose love instead of reality.
 
Kalinychta said:
Based on what I know about you and your past, I don’t think I’d recommend to any woman that they wait for a man to change, would you?
Click to expand...

Guess l confused myself. I don't really look to change a guy. I like men who are authentically themselves. That's why l am attracted to them to begin with. I don't want a different version. So l guess l didn't explain myself very well.
 
Aspychata said:
Guess l confused myself. I don't really look to change a guy. I like men who are authentically themselves. That's why l am attracted to them to begin with. I don't want a different version. So l guess l didn't explain myself very well.
Click to expand...
Me neither. I did hope he can get just be himself around me. But when there was conflict between us there had to be someone to change. Right? Because there are rarely two totally compatible people.
 
Gurengui said:
Yea I understand that. The more hurt I got in relationships，the more intimidate I will be. But I actually wish that I always believe in love and always have the courage to choose love instead of reality.
Click to expand...

I'm like that too.
 
Gurengui said:
Me neither. I did hope he can get just be himself around me. But when there was conflict between us there had to be someone to change. Right? Because there are rarely two totally compatible people.
Click to expand...

Relationships change, because people change. Sometimes we are super close, sometimes there maybe issues that need to be talked about. Relationships are work and a lot of men can't be bothered so you can't force a relationship on another person.
 
Aspychata said:
Relationships change, because people change. Sometimes we are super close, sometimes there maybe issues that need to be talked about. Relationships are work and a lot of men can't be bothered so you can't force a relationship on another person.
Click to expand...
Yea it is true. Thank you for all your advices，I do appreciate it~
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom