ConfusedFriend
Well-Known Member
I have a friend who I have known for many years, and I believe she is on the autism spectrum, high functioning. I have been giving her the benefit of the doubt every time she does something hurtful to others, using the excuse "she simply doesn't understand or know any better." I don't want to see her as a bad person, so I chalk it all up to, "it must be an Aspergers thing." I'd like your opinions about some of her behaviors: are they a result of possible Aspergers, or is there something else going on?
Here are some examples of past behavior:
At a previous job, she got into a horrible argument with a coworker because the coworker took a chocolate break. She also became obsessed with making sure that her fellow camp counselors were not having sex after work hours. She would scour the camp premises on "sex patrol" and overworked herself so much that she neglected to bathe for a week. At another job, she started tracking her coworkers periods and tried to get them fired for not going into the swimming pool as part of a water therapy program. These coworkers are of a different culture that is strict about wearing bathing suits, so they chose to sit at the edge of the pool clothed instead of going in.
At one point, she was in charge of an intern who needed to work there for a college credit. She was so horrible to this poor intern. My friend was allowed to check email during work hours, but she decided her intern was not. When the intern asked for the day off work to visit her boyfriends dying father, my friend refused, claiming "if I'm working that day, you're working that day." She accused the intern of lying about the father's medical condition. She wanted to fail the girl for the class but felt she was being generous by giving her a C.
She's done other things, like dating two cousins behind each others backs...dodging texts from one while on dates with the other. She's had a hit and run with a company vehicle but justified it by saying that she didn't have time to leave a note, and by the time she drove back to the scene of the crime the car was already gone. She'll throw parties and invite 4 ex-boyfriends and one current boyfriend, then wonder why one of her ex-boyfriends got so drunk and upset?
Every week there is some kind of drama, some kind of battle, and she is always in the right. I have been there year after year listening to her complain and being supportive of all of her behaviors even though I don't agree with them. She now tells me that I'm one of the only people she can talk to because every one else gets offended.
Help me get a reality check. Part of me knows that this behavior is not excusable even if she has Aspergers, but there's this other part that keeps saying, "She's just an innocent victim. If she only understood what she was doing was hurtful, then she would stop."
I'd appreciate any feedback on this situation, and thanks for reading if you've gotten this far!
Here are some examples of past behavior:
At a previous job, she got into a horrible argument with a coworker because the coworker took a chocolate break. She also became obsessed with making sure that her fellow camp counselors were not having sex after work hours. She would scour the camp premises on "sex patrol" and overworked herself so much that she neglected to bathe for a week. At another job, she started tracking her coworkers periods and tried to get them fired for not going into the swimming pool as part of a water therapy program. These coworkers are of a different culture that is strict about wearing bathing suits, so they chose to sit at the edge of the pool clothed instead of going in.
At one point, she was in charge of an intern who needed to work there for a college credit. She was so horrible to this poor intern. My friend was allowed to check email during work hours, but she decided her intern was not. When the intern asked for the day off work to visit her boyfriends dying father, my friend refused, claiming "if I'm working that day, you're working that day." She accused the intern of lying about the father's medical condition. She wanted to fail the girl for the class but felt she was being generous by giving her a C.
She's done other things, like dating two cousins behind each others backs...dodging texts from one while on dates with the other. She's had a hit and run with a company vehicle but justified it by saying that she didn't have time to leave a note, and by the time she drove back to the scene of the crime the car was already gone. She'll throw parties and invite 4 ex-boyfriends and one current boyfriend, then wonder why one of her ex-boyfriends got so drunk and upset?
Every week there is some kind of drama, some kind of battle, and she is always in the right. I have been there year after year listening to her complain and being supportive of all of her behaviors even though I don't agree with them. She now tells me that I'm one of the only people she can talk to because every one else gets offended.
Help me get a reality check. Part of me knows that this behavior is not excusable even if she has Aspergers, but there's this other part that keeps saying, "She's just an innocent victim. If she only understood what she was doing was hurtful, then she would stop."
I'd appreciate any feedback on this situation, and thanks for reading if you've gotten this far!