People Answering Messages 9 or 10 Days Later?

[Lichi]

If people have been scared off, they’re not going to respond at all. So that’s not the issue. Sometimes people are genuinely busy.

I’m messaging a few people on this site. When I get a message from them, I really want to take the time to respond, because they deserve a well thought-out answer. However, I often have trouble finding the time and the right headspace to just sit down and write. Sometimes it can take weeks for me to respond, and I’ll feel really bad about it.

I agree with the part that I want to give a well thought reply and take my time and focus on that person at that’s moment. Sometimes just that gets overwhelming.

Also sometimes it’s been like 2-3 days and you’re not sure if the window to respond still is open rom if the person took offense already. So then you end up responding when the person sends a reminder.

Communication is hard.

 

[Butterfly88]

@Hdphn33 Thank you. Members also enter their location and there is the possibility of meeting in real life though it doesn't seem like that is going to happen. Some of these people do live near me.

@Mia It's for all women, not just aspies so most likely the people I'm talking to aren't on the spectrum.

 

[Mr Allen]

You're lucky they respond at all.

Some messages on social media in general get ignored.

Some people even report you if you spam their inbox.

 

[pjcnet]

Some people probably don't take it too seriously, to them it's not a big deal and I've known a few people online like that.

 

[Appleslime]

I keep writing to people through this friend finding site for women and we exchange a few messages and then I don't hear from them for 9 or 10 days. This has happened multiple times with multiple people. Occasionally they will apologize for a delayed response but that doesn't happen too often. I get sometimes people are busy and could occasionally go 9 or 10 days without answering a message but from my experiences with the site it seems to be the norm. Does this seem odd to anyone? If someone doesn't answer for that long does it mean they aren't interested in chatting? Though if they weren't interested wouldn't they just not answer at all?

Hey, I absolutely love your avatar 'trying to fly' mine is a rainbow 4 leaf clover, rainbow for autism and 4 leaf clover to symbolise being unique and special <3 I'm an aspie female and I struggle to make friends with females. It's not that I don't try, I just don't think people like me because I come across as odd :-/ anyway, I'm also 'trying to fly' xx

 

[Butterfly88]

Thank you @Appleslime and everyone.

 

[Bolletje]

Some people even report you if you spam their inbox.

Rightly so. Why would you spam someone?

 

[Butterfly88]

I would just write once or twice max if they don't answer, I wouldn't keep pestering them.

 

[Judge]

I would just write once or twice max if they don't answer, I wouldn't keep pestering them.

Sounds logical. Hard to pin down what may motivate one to respond that much later though to me it would seem somewhat ominous. I suppose once you follow up if they don't respond at that point then you probably know where you stand and can just move on.

 

[Lithi]

I think pretty much anyone on a website looking for friends probably aren't great at socializing in real life, and may have a lot of anxiety, so I wouldn't judge them by the same standards as everyday NTs. From my experience with messaging people on the internet, it's really awkward at first in the get-to-know-you stage, and especially if I get messages from a lot of people at once, it's really overwhelming, since I want to respond to everyone well. I agree with what other people have said about how if they didn't want to talk to you they just wouldn't respond; it's not like in real life where people have to keep up appearances, and seem polite by talking to people they don't like. Maybe if you try to keep up messaging some of these people (responding to them about as frequently as they message you), they'll become more comfortable and talk to you more, especially if they're filtering out others whom they didn't click with so much. I wouldn't take it personally, though, even if some of them stop talking to you, since there are a lot of reasons why that happens, often due to the other person's social problems or life.

 

[onlything]

I'm one of those people that can answer more than a week later. It happens mostly when I'm tired or overhelmed, or busy with some new thought or project. It just happens. I'm trying not to do it to people but sometimes I just don't want to talk to anyone and that's it.

Though in my experience if NTs don't answer, it means that they're not interested in keeping the contact.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Another possibility is that the site is outside their scope of normal life. I've seen this a lot and I do it a lot myself. Everyone has a list of sites/programs they regularly use. When a site falls outside this scope you get the occasional "Oops I received this message 2 weeks ago...". Perhaps their rate of checking the site is once every few weeks, or perhaps they only notice when checking their e-mail if notifications are sent there.

Once you've made an impact they should begin to change their rate of checking the site. If someone starts responding every day or even twice a week despite the first few messages taking 1-2 weeks in between you can be sure they are happy to talk to you. If they keep up their rate of weekly messages or so then they are either very busy or you are not a priority.

Also, NT's do some very very weird stuff. They "Go out" and stuff. I am not talking about groceries or a walk about town or the park. No they do this stuff at night! And they don't go out to look at the stars either! Crazy I know, but you gotta believe me. I even got dragged along a few times by a bunch of them, so trust me on this since I've done the research first hand. To detail the insanity of it all would take too long, but trust me when I say that a reply like once a month is the best you could hope for from me since I'd be absolutely knackered the whole week if I did that every weekend.

Also, women do this more frequently then men. Women have like a zillion thirsty guys messaging them on 5 different social media apps at a time so it can be quite overwhelming keeping track. You shouldn't take it too personally if "nice girl she met on the site she rarely uses" gets left behind.

 

[RiverSong]

I get sometimes people are busy and could occasionally go 9 or 10 days without answering a message but from my experiences with the site it seems to be the norm. Does this seem odd to anyone? If someone doesn't answer for that long does it mean they aren't interested in chatting? Though if they weren't interested wouldn't they just not answer at all?

I am terrible at keeping up with emails/messages. I either respond too late or forget to reply at all. Like others here have said, I usually get distracted or overwhelmed with everything else in life. Or I don't have the mental energy to write a response. There can be a number of factors at play as to why I'm not responding.

But I've also experienced this from others on past sites. Sometimes people would takes weeks or even a month to reply to a message that I sent. They would just apologize and continue on with the discussion. It didn't bother me until I no longer received a response. Then I figured that was the end of that and moved on.

I don't know if this behavior is odd since communicating online is pretty unique in itself. Most people are pretty busy and use many different sites and apps. So it's hard to tell if someone is not interested in chatting, just busy, or uses another site more often than the one you're on.

Sure, you can ask why they take so long to reply. But that might come off as a bit weird, especially if you've just started chatting with the person. Gotta dole out the weirdness in small portions. Not all at once. Or you'll scare 'em away.

I figure if the person keeps talking to you and you like talking to them then weigh that against their delay time. Is the conversation worth continuing at that pace? If not, it might be better to move on.

 

[Progster]

I think it's best not to expect too much from people. See it as a bonus when they do respond and send a message rather than a disappointment that they don't. Then you will avoid the feelings of disappointment.

 

[Butterfly88]

Thank you everyone! One of the people finally answered and said she wasn't on too much so we exchanged e-mails since she uses that more often. So at least I may have one person from that site now. I guess I just keep trying, eventually it ought to work.