Pathological Demand Avoidance

[Ylva]

Anyone else think they have this?

• obsessively resisting ordinary demands
• appearing sociable on the surface but lacking depth in their understanding (often recognised by parents early on)
• excessive mood swings, often switching suddenly
• comfortable (sometimes to an extreme extent) in role play and pretending
• language delay, seemingly as a result of passivity, but often with a good degree of 'catch-up'
• obsessive behaviour, often focused on people rather than things.

PDA (Pathological demand avoidance syndrome) - | autism | Asperger syndrome |

 

[On the Inside]

Interesting, I haven't heard of this. I can relate to 1,2 and 6, but not the others.

 

[Suzanne]

Ouch, most add me up pretty well. 1 and 6, however, are shades of grey. Yes, mentally I do tend to WANT to resist ordinary demands, but realise I can't and so push myself. 6, only when I REALLY like the person ie their name is constantly in my vocabulary ie she said this or that and wow, she really is etc etc. Also obsessed when I have an issue and do the opposite, refuse to say their name.

 

[Larisa]

1. I don't get the meaning of 'ordinary demands'.
Who said them to be right?
I resist everything I don't really understand what it for? - even though with years I got used to 'break' myself to do what's required of me.
My first two years in school I could not undestand why I had to get up early and go to school. My mother poored cold water on me to wake me up. and I resisted and threw tantrums.
It's now when I've grown up I can say to myself: 'OK let's not go to work and stay home, but I need money to buy food and pay my rent'
So I get up now in the mornings without much complain - but as a child I was baffled why do I have to do it if I don't like going to school.

2. If I don't have to communicate with people much - just some brief meeting - I can make myself appear quite sociable. Troubles start if I meet the same people to communicate on the long run...

3. Mood swings - yes
I try to keep pace with the group of people and if I got tired or did not receive understanding I had hoped for my efforts - but new errands and requirements. Then I become frustrated and really upset - and for people around me it seems that my mood suddently 'changed' because they don't undestand my mental strain to cope with them till my very meltdown.
I put efforts to be allowed to withdraw and take the rest of my time for myself and my interests - and the most of normal people do their best to get noticed and be accepted in the certain team or get approval from some important persons.
That's one of the most frustrating things I noticed about working - I get what I don't want from superiors and there are those who'd be happy to be in my place (but they can not understand what it's like 'to be in my shoes').

4 sounds like 2 for me. Am I wrong?

5. Don't remember, really

6. I notice and try to relate to people and I use and get comfort from things. Normal people do the contrary. Why?

 

[Ylva]

Two and four look the same to me, too, but I think four is intended to refer to things like child's play.

 

[Larisa]

Two and four look the same to me, too, but I think four is intended to refer to things like child's play.

Maybe it supposed to mean 'sticking' to the roles like 'nerd', 'professor' and like?
Or - copying someone's manner of speech and behaviour?
I noticed in myself that sometimes I passionately copy someone's (one of my friends) behaviour in order to quicken informational exchange with other people. It may seem like I'm playing but I do not consider it as a 'play' - it's rather a necessity to me...

 

[On the Inside]

In terms of being comfortable in role playing, and pretending. I don't remember doing this a s a kid much, but I am most comfortable in social situations where I have some defined role, like mixing drinks, spinning records, carving the roast.

And does pretending include imaginative fantasy? or does it have to be acted out?

 

[AsheSkyler]

- obsessively resisting ordinary demands
I shall never wear shoes. Nevah!!

- appearing sociable on the surface but lacking depth in their understanding (often recognised by parents early on)
I do appear social on the surface. I have the understanding, but I lack the interest in what they are saying.

- excessive mood swings, often switching suddenly
I grew up around a woman with suspected PMDD. I was considered the passive one. So I have no clue.

- comfortable (sometimes to an extreme extent) in role play and pretending
Quite! Break out the dice and pizza, boys. This hobgoblin is itchin' for some questin'.

- language delay, seemingly as a result of passivity, but often with a good degree of 'catch-up'
I was chattin' at a year and a half. What delay?

- obsessive behaviour, often focused on people rather than things.
I stare because I care. <3


I may have a lot in common with PDA. But I always go back to the sensory issues. It's the only thing really anchoring me to autism that provides any level of clarity because all the others can be hid away or argued against in other labels. Unless PDA has sensory issues, then I'm screwed.

 

[On the Inside]

After reading the article, this relates to me quite well, except the role playing/pretending and language delays. I'll own up to some moderate mood swings. I also see this behavior in our son, especially with his mom.

The article talks a lot about the social behaviors, and I fit the description, I'm also experiencing some degree of demand avoidance as I type. My partner wants me to do something that I really don't want to do, and am extremely anxious about. She expects me to call her once I get the task done, and I can't find an easy way around it.

 

[royinpink]

Oh yes. Not so much the list, but the article--I have trouble with ANY expectations placed on me. They cause a stress reaction. The other symptoms seem mostly aimed at distinguishing it from autism/Asperger's--like, 'they're more imaginative and empathetic'! So I'm not sure if that is necessarily related to the demand avoidance or just a lack of awareness previously that PDA could be an autism spectrum condition and giving a label to people who seemed to cope socially better--which some (especially girls) with Asperger's also do.

 

[Larisa]

I've read the article and I don't think a have much in common with PDA.
While I feel stressed by other people's expectations of me I can keep in mind that it's their problem to have them. I take responsibility for what I said I'd do.
I often speak of the most common expectations of me in similar situations and I warn about what I may do and what I can't. Beforehand. It doesn't guarantee that there are no more expectations of me left but it makes the communication between me and someone much clearer and calmer.
Of course that is after I went through several years of counseling by a psychologist and psychological group trainings.
I was interested in the topics like 'awareness of myself', 'childhood traumas', 'roots of confident behaviour' and such.

 

[Datura]

• obsessively resisting ordinary demands

I'm not quite sure what they mean by "ordinary demands" but I suppose so, especially in adolecence. I recall once being asked to hang my coat up on a hook rather than leaving it on an unused table. I went on a long winded rant about the evils of arbitrary social conventions that serve no purpose in the current context. Eventually my opponents conceded, but only out of exhaustion.

• appearing sociable on the surface but lacking depth in their understanding (often recognised by parents early on)

Umm, I often appear sociable, but can alternately be aloof and socially avoidant. Do I lack a depth of understanding? I don't know. And are they referring to understanding in regards to the subject of conversation, the nuances of the social situation, or just concept of socializing in general?

• excessive mood swings, often switching suddenly

I do have mood swings, but would not characterize them as "excessive."

• comfortable (sometimes to an extreme extent) in role play and pretending

I'm with AsheSkyler on this one, I love role play. In school I was always very quiet and introverted, but really came to life in drama class. As an adult I adore table top RPGs and am not afraid to get totally into character, even if this elicits some odd looks at certain tables.

• language delay, seemingly as a result of passivity, but often with a good degree of 'catch-up'

I did have some delay early on, but this was attributed to an inner ear infection. By the age of four I was quite hyperlexic for my age, but always had difficulty with writing and spelling.

• obsessive behaviour, often focused on people rather than things.

Not me. I tend to obsess much more over ideas, social movements, that sort of thing. I have been obsessed with musicians and other creative types in the past, but the focus was always on their creative output and process, not the private individual.

 

[Ylva]

• obsessively resisting ordinary demands

For me, it's the tone. If there is command in the voice, I feel compelled to ignore it. I seem to have this obsessive need to not be controlled; and when a reasonable inner voice comments that following just one order (that probably wasn't intended as a command anyway, it adds in order to appease me) won't necessarily trap me in a never-ending cycle of obeying the wills of others, I find myself telling that voice that that's how they turn spies, or it's how people get addicted to nicotine or cocaine. They start with just one.

That's what I call obsessive.

 

[Ylva]

Oh, and

• obsessive behaviour, often focused on people rather than things.

Not me. I tend to obsess much more over ideas, social movements, that sort of thing. I have been obsessed with musicians and other creative types in the past, but the focus was always on their creative output and process, not the private individual.

I agree. It is far easier to focus my interest on feminism than on Ellen Page (who is a feminist), not least because reading Beauvoir doesn't feel intrusive. Also because of the wealth of detail, which is less present in public personas, because all there is is a wikipage and a few interviews before the interviews get repeating.

Additional thought: Knowledge is abstract. Therefore, "abstract things" is not the right category for "things I have trouble processing".

 

[Datura]

Ylva

If anything, I have trouble understanding the mainstream's obsession with celebrities. That kind of voyeurism just seems so predatory and disrespectful to me. I suppose it feeds into people's need to gossip, and it is easier to gossip about somebody that everyone knows, but I still think it's gross.

 

[Larisa]

Ylva
If anything, I have trouble understanding the mainstream's obsession with celebrities. That kind of voyeurism just seems so predatory and disrespectful to me. I suppose it feeds into people's need to gossip, and it is easier to gossip about somebody that everyone knows, but I still think it's gross.

I sometimes take interest in famous persons if I like their roles in movies and find their personalities and their life experience to be interesting. It's like I consider if I would like to be friends with them. I never approach and I don't want to pursue anyone - it's just a vague feeling of companionship that I get from my research of them.
And I'm not interested in their inner problems or gossips about them - it's only overall impression about their personality and attitude that I look for.
I'm interested in observing how ideas they accept reflects in person's choices and attitude. I compare it with how my own behaviour reflects ideas I choose to consider and accept.
Anyway I don't think I'm really intrusive. I wouldn't mind if someone analyzed my life that way to help themselves.

 

[Harrison]

• obsessively resisting ordinary demands
  More so in my youth, I was a rebel just for the sake of it. Now, I use delay tactics, seems to work.
  
  
• appearing sociable on the surface but lacking depth in their understanding (often recognised by parents early on)
  I can come over as sociable, especially if someone engages an interest of mine. Most of the time it's just scripted.
  
  
• excessive mood swings, often switching suddenly
  Again, in my youth this was a real problem. Now I tend to monitor it as I know it can get me in trouble.
  
  
• comfortable (sometimes to an extreme extent) in role play and pretending
  This 100%! I love role play and pretending, they are my favourite sports.
  
  
• language delay, seemingly as a result of passivity, but often with a good degree of 'catch-up'
  As far as I know I had no language delay.
  
  
• obsessive behaviour, often focused on people rather than things.
  Nope, not me, and fame doesn't interest me.

 

[On the Inside]

I don't think that having obsessive behavior focused on people necessarily means celebrities.

When I meet someone new, or become more acquainted with someone, they often become a social special interest if we seem to hit it off. I've always liked to have one or two close friends, and they come and go, so I gravitate towards those people with whom I share some interest or rapport with. But I've come to see it as obsessive, since I tend to get dependent on them in social situations.

I don't give a rats patootie about celebrities.

 

[Limited_Moon]

All this seems to me like a description of the outside of a house in which the author has never been in, and has no idea what is inside. Everything is something I do, either occasionally or often (except the last one. People don't generally interest me as a species) for good logical reason from my point of view.

• obsessively resisting ordinary demands

From my understanding, it is generally considered wrong to make people do things they feel uncomfortable doing. Why does this suddenly change when the demand is termed 'ordinary'? I am not an 'ordinary' person and am incapable of many 'ordinary' things. Is it so bad that I resist doing the things I'm hopeless at, that make me look utterly stupid and focus on what I am good at and can do? Isn't that what other people do?

• appearing sociable on the surface but lacking depth in their understanding (often recognised by parents early on)

Well, yes these days. But it is an acquired thing. As a kid it was very different story.

• excessive mood swings, often switching suddenly

They may seem so to others, but usually the angry feels have been bubbling away beneath a poker face for quite some time.

• comfortable (sometimes to an extreme extent) in role play and pretending

Oh yes. I never really grew out of pretend games. I write fantasy. I play video games. I play inside my head. I play silly voice games with my actor husband. This world sucks sometimes, why not take a holiday?

• language delay, seemingly as a result of passivity, but often with a good degree of 'catch-up'

This is another one that doesn't really apply to me.

 

[Tom]

That is new to me. The only PDA I have heard of was in the military and it stood for a breech of discipline called 'Public Display of Affection'. .

Anyway as some others have mentioned, some aspects pertain to me and some do not. If a demand even remotely makes sense I am not resistant to it.