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Past determining my future

None of my grandparents ever saw me in a relationship nor get married. They even eventually stopped asking me if I had a girlfriend or if I was ever going to start my own family.

I just still can’t let go of never having that special bond in my life. I don’t want all the time I’ve spent thinking on it and the attempts I’ve done to be for naught. I keep feeling like I am being told I need to let go and just accept being single for the rest of my life. It’s too much for me.
 
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When l think back, l didn't see myself in a relationship either. Because just meeting someone turned out to be the biggest issue. So l think keep putting yourself out there. Alot of men say they go thru a 1000 "no's" until they finally get a yes for a date. So first separate yourself from this and realize lots of women and men have this issue. Just keep going out, keep talking to others, and stay open to the possibilities that you may meet someone. I didn't meet a serious boyfriend until my late 40's because l worked, then came straight home. l did absolutely nothing else because work took all my energy l had. I thought l would never meet anyone, and would be single forever.
 
Markness, don't see this as a reflection of yourself. See this as so many women work and we are tired when we finally get home. You have to bring out the best in a woman, because we spent our day trying to just get thru work. So step outside of yourself. Ask the cashier, the bank teller, the waitress, how are you doing today? Have you gone to any movies lately? Have you gone out for a cup of latte? Did you see the museum exhibit in town? Ask them questions, get them to open up. You maybe surprised.
 
I can definitely interact with women on casual and platonic levels. It’s getting to the romantic stages that I find difficult.
 
I got suggested to use Facebook Dating once again. I’d rather not go down that route again. I tried it for a whole summer and didn’t get a single date using it.
 
Markness said:
I got suggested to use Facebook Dating once again. I’d rather not go down that route again. I tried it for a whole summer and didn’t get a single date using it.
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I get that. Having been in relationships before the Internet, I can't imagine using it as a premise to meet potential romantic partners. It's too detached without the element of physical presence. Reminding me as well of my brother who met someone online and got along famously with her. Right up until they met in person and then it was over in a hurry.

Whether you meet someone at work (risky business) or at leisure under far nicer circumstances, I think there's that element of meeting in person that makes or breaks the possibilities whether it involves friendship or romance.

And you're not alone in knowing how frustrating it can be in guessing when someone is interested in you beyond jut being friends. When the both of you still have your defenses up, reticent to expose how you really feel. And yes, in a culture that tends to assume it's always up to a male to advance things, if the possibility exists.

Personally I came to the conclusion that to be successful in most cases required me to stick my neck out and be willing to deal with whatever happens, for better or worse. That otherwise in most cases nothing would happen. Though sometimes I got lucky given meeting some more socially/sexually aggressive women. Something that I couldn't "read" of them in interacting with them.
 
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Do people who want relationships and don’t struggle with socialization just go out for the exclusive purpose to initiate them?
 
Markness said:
Do people who want relationships and don’t struggle with socialization just go out for the exclusive purpose to initiate them?
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People who don't struggle with social interaction and the mating game have many options.
Most of their options aren't available to you at the moment, and some of them will probably never be available to you.

Some XY's can be at places with a lot of people (XX and XY) "on the prowl" and get approached by XX's with no or very little effort.
Or the same people can "turn off" their approachability by modifying their body language, and walk around in the same place without being accosted.

Amusingly, while "hot" XX's can't completely turn of those interactions, they can cut them way back if they want to.
It's much easier to simulate being less attractive than it is to simulate being more attractive.
Oddly there are few, if any, products for supporting that preference, while the hotness-buffing industry is huge /lol.

If you're not in denial about this, you're probably thinking that it's unfair. Which is reasonable: it is unfair.

But the whole mating game is, and has always been unfair. We're evolved to compete for mates, and competition is axiomatically not about fairness for individuals.
Another reliable human-domain heuristic: you can't change everyone else, but you can change yourself, and you can learn to improve your skill at the game.

You have right to choose how you play, if at all. And you have every right to have feelings about it.
But the game itself continues regardless of your feelings.
 
I've said it before to other folks in other posts here but I've often found relationships happen when you aren't trying to force one. I have looked for relationships in the past with virtually no success. But I've been in relationships, and every single one of them was random. I wasn't looking at the time, but I was always open if an interesting person came along that I clicked with.

What I've also found is that sometimes you also just have to take the plunge and be direct. Recently I wasn't sure if a woman I know was being just friendly, or if there was more to it. So I asked straight up, "Am I picking up on something here". The answer was a yes. I wasn't looking to date anyone or start anything, but I was open. I'm not going to say they and I are an item yet, but we're exploring the idea and I had a lovely weekend with them on my vacation just spending time together.

This may ultimately go nowhere, but it happened because I stayed open, wasn't trying to force anything, but still took a risk when opportunity came. Now previous to this, I hadn't been on so much as a date or talked to anyone like that in 3 years.

I think the best thing you can do if you are looking to meet someone is just work on yourself. Your own well being and self confidence. Put yourself out there trying new activities you think you'll enjoy. Because it's putting yourself out there more into the world which is how you'll run into someone you eventually click with, that enjoys some of the things you do as well. And until then, you'll may even have some fun trying out a few new things.
 
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