Your worrying about the past is wasting time today. Please try to get on with your life and stop dwelling on the past. You can't change the past but you can control or significantly influence your future.
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Past determining my future
- Thread starter Markness
- Start date
Your worrying about the past is wasting time today. Please try to get on with your life and stop dwelling on the past. You can't change the past but you can control or significantly influence your future.
Only if you aren't learning from the mistakes. What is working? What is not working? What problems have you noticed in yourself in self-inventories? What problems have you fixed? What problems are you working on fixing? What things can you learn that will help? What are your short and long-term goals?
I am short on time currently but I can say this.
What seems to work but only temporarily: Attending Meet Up events or other social events through social apps like Discord.
Being an outsider in what’s supposed to be my culture (Central Texas Christian) has also been extremely difficult. However, even when I used to buy into Christianity, I just couldn’t get excited about church services, American football games, drinking beer, giant trucks, guns, and country music.
That's fair. I don't like any of that, either. (And I drive a big truck.)
@Markness
What's stopping you is a strategic issue.
Tactical suggestions aren't necessarily wrong, but they're not going to directly address the real issue(s).
But that statement implies something that probably isn't the case: that there are no other "outsiders", or none of the other outsiders have achieved the goals that elude you.
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Denial and avoidance are easy and comfortable in the sort term. But they're not good for solving problems.
What's stopping you is a strategic issue.
Tactical suggestions aren't necessarily wrong, but they're not going to directly address the real issue(s).
It's true that being an outsider is often difficult.
But that statement implies something that probably isn't the case: that there are no other "outsiders", or none of the other outsiders have achieved the goals that elude you.
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Denial and avoidance are easy and comfortable in the sort term. But they're not good for solving problems.
Usually when I’ve asked women if they wanted to go out with me, the responses have been “I am too busy.” and “I don’t think my boyfriend would like that.”
Women in the culture I live in also tend to regularly have boyfriends as well as marry early.
This has really stacked the deck against me.
Women in the culture I live in also tend to regularly have boyfriends as well as marry early.
This has really stacked the deck against me.
Both of those sound like unproductive excuses
It's very common for such refusals to include a plausible excuse as a defensive measure against the small minority of men who react badly to a refusal.
If you didn't know that already (or have ignored it when it comes up here), you urgently need to put some time into learning the basics.
Note that imbalances are fairly common (NYC supposedly has more unattached XX than XY, while places that pay well for physical labor are often XY-biased).
But if there's a significant bias in your community, it will be well known locally.
If you want to avoid your past looking like your future, you need to establish better objectives than "I want a GF", identify constraints and requirements, make a plan, and get to work on it.
BTW "past determining future" is more of an excuse than a useful perspective.
The past is a foundation. It influences your future, but doesn't control it.
And in your case you frequently say you want something you don't have, which implies you're hoping that your past doesn't predict your future.
Those are normal "no" answers. They didn't want to date you.
It's very common for such refusals to include a plausible excuse as a defensive measure against the small minority of men who react badly to a refusal.
If you didn't know that already (or have ignored it when it comes up here), you urgently need to put some time into learning the basics.
The M/F split among unattached people in your local environment should be approximately even.
Note that imbalances are fairly common (NYC supposedly has more unattached XX than XY, while places that pay well for physical labor are often XY-biased).
But if there's a significant bias in your community, it will be well known locally.
If you want to avoid your past looking like your future, you need to establish better objectives than "I want a GF", identify constraints and requirements, make a plan, and get to work on it.
BTW "past determining future" is more of an excuse than a useful perspective.
The past is a foundation. It influences your future, but doesn't control it.
And in your case you frequently say you want something you don't have, which implies you're hoping that your past doesn't predict your future.
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“The best revenge is living well.”
“You need to love yourself first.”
“It’ll happen when you least expect it/aren’t looking.”
“As long as your alive, anything is possible.”
“Women settle down in their 30’s.”
Things I’ve been told historically and still get told today. Sadly, my life is still the same.
“You need to love yourself first.”
“It’ll happen when you least expect it/aren’t looking.”
“As long as your alive, anything is possible.”
“Women settle down in their 30’s.”
Things I’ve been told historically and still get told today. Sadly, my life is still the same.
Xinyta
☆Being my weird self~♡
Personal responsibility makes changes, Markness. Words alone do nothing. Just because this advice comes to you. Doesn't mean it'll magically make things instantly better. But seeing the context of this advice, is also important.
These three are advice that come from life experience. The most important thing is loving yourself. If you dislike something about yourself, you'll never gain anything.
You are stuck in this idea that you are endlessly single. Putting energy in this self-deprecating thought is what sabotages you. You are waiting for rejection, before the interactions even begin. And then look at it a unfair circumstance of life kicking you down. When in reality, it's you stopping yourself. I'll not look that way, but that is the reality.
Those other two pieces of advice will not do anything for you, if you are not ready to face reality. That rejection is like mistakes. They happen. They are not the end, and happen often.
Putting a timeline on yourself and considering yourself a failure for not achieving it. That everything is now worse for not achieving it. THAT is what you must over come.
These three are advice that come from life experience. The most important thing is loving yourself. If you dislike something about yourself, you'll never gain anything.
You are stuck in this idea that you are endlessly single. Putting energy in this self-deprecating thought is what sabotages you. You are waiting for rejection, before the interactions even begin. And then look at it a unfair circumstance of life kicking you down. When in reality, it's you stopping yourself. I'll not look that way, but that is the reality.
Those other two pieces of advice will not do anything for you, if you are not ready to face reality. That rejection is like mistakes. They happen. They are not the end, and happen often.
Putting a timeline on yourself and considering yourself a failure for not achieving it. That everything is now worse for not achieving it. THAT is what you must over come.
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