Past determining my future

[Markness]

What??? That doesn't make any sense.

I don’t understand it either. I also don’t want anyone to decide for me if I can ever start a family or not. I didn’t tell anyone that they shouldn’t have children so what gives them the audacity to tell me I shouldn’t?

All four of my siblings have their own families and they are always posting photos having fun going on trips and enjoying events together. It really makes me die inside that I can’t achieve what they have, even though we all came from the same place.

 

[Jeff T]

I don’t understand it either. I also don’t want anyone to decide for me if I can ever start a family or not. I didn’t tell anyone that they shouldn’t have children so what gives them the audacity to tell me I shouldn’t?

All four of my siblings have their own families and they are always posting photos having fun going on trips and enjoying events together. It really makes me die inside that I can’t achieve what they have, even though we all came from the same place.

That's part of the neurotypical 'masking'- showing all the wonderful things happening to their wonderful family and life, and covering up all the inevitable sordid nasty bits that accompany it all.

 

[Markness]

That's part of the neurotypical 'masking'- showing all the wonderful things happening to their wonderful family and life, and covering up all the inevitable sordid nasty bits that accompany it all.

Admittedly, I have seen my siblings and their spouses get into arguments. But it seems to get resolved quickly for them. Whenever an argument or conflict happens to me, the other person generally doesn’t like me anymore.

 

[Xinyta]

Admittedly, I have seen my siblings and their spouses get into arguments. But it seems to get resolved quickly for them. Whenever an argument or conflict happens to me, the other person generally doesn’t like me anymore.

If it looks resolved, it likely is not. Just tempered down. Arguments usually are a sign of miscommunication between spouses. Especially if it's a frequent phenomenon. These are not always shown in public. But one has no idea what happens behind closed doors. Bitterness isn't something that goes away easily, when both are at a disconnect with eachother.

Trust me. If arguements happens, it's a misunderstanding and/or miscommunication. People, in the general socail sense need time to themselves sometimes. Depended on who initiated the conflict. But trying to resolve the disconnect with understanding is the only way help, at least, mend things to some degree.

 

[Outsider]

Right, because that's what married women do, flirt with random men, and then tell them, that they are married.

Married men do the same. Been there done that. However, I didn't pretend to be single when I was married. I let everything lay on the table and let the chips fall where they may. I'm single now...

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Kind of deceptive behaviour I would never consider, through I have never worn a wedding ring. I just do not like stuff on my fingers. WIfe wears rings on every finger.

 

[Markness]

I still don’t understand how taking on antinatalism is going to help me. If anything, it would guarantee that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.

 

[Mary Terry]

I still don’t understand how taking on antinatalism is going to help me. If anything, it would guarantee that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.

If you had a child, would you be able to take care of him/her? Even if you had a child, there is no guarantee that child would stay with you for the rest of your life.

 

[honeytoast]

I feel like someone threw that concept of you and failed to explain what it was. I also feel like you just talk to people who do not help you very much.

 

[Markness]

If you had a child, would you be able to take care of him/her? Even if you had a child, there is no guarantee that child would stay with you for the rest of your life.

That wasn’t what I meant to say. I also made that post when I was feeling very distraught.

What I meant was that having that sort of outlook wouldn’t change my situation and it would probably be a deal breaker for potential partners.

 

[Judge]

Kind of deceptive behaviour I would never consider, through I have never worn a wedding ring. I just do not like stuff on my fingers. WIfe wears rings on every finger.

I once knew a woman who wore so many rings. I once asked her if it had any significance to her.

She just smiled and replied, "Yes- as brass knuckles".

 

[Markness]

I feel like someone threw that concept of you and failed to explain what it was. I also feel like you just talk to people who do not help you very much.

This person may have thought I was sad about not living up to what my parents presumably wanted from me. This surprises some people but my parents actually did not want any grandchildren and even discouraged both my siblings and I from ever becoming parents ourselves. Well, except for me, all four of my siblings had children.

 

[Judge]

This person may have thought I was sad about not living up to what my parents presumably wanted from me. This surprises some people but my parents actually did not want any grandchildren and even discouraged both my siblings and I from ever becoming parents ourselves. Well, except for me, all four of my siblings had children.

Do you realize how toxic that scenario is between a parent and their children? An ultimate form of gaslighting based on such a poor perception of their own children. Whatever drives their prejudices, they are oppressing you and your siblings with them. That's seriously effed up, IMO.

You desperately need to permanently remove yourself from their orbit to socially advance yourself. That's a start on how to break that cycle of behavior. Take every toxic person out of your life. Strive to be independent both financially and socially.

"Run, Forrest, run!"

 

[Xinyta]

This surprises some people but my parents actually did not want any grandchildren and even discouraged both my siblings and I from ever becoming parents ourselves. Well, except for me, all four of my siblings had children.

The surprise, is not a surprise. Family oriented parents desire not just children, but also grandchildren. Even godchildren. To seek not having grandchildren is a personal hang-up.

Children will do what they will once they outside from under thier parent's roof. The only way to control such a thing is to gaslight and browbeat children into what the parents want. Which is a HUGE nono and doesn't garentee success. Honestly. Parents are asking their children to hate them, doing that.

 

[Tedzilla]

I am often worried that my past is determining my future. I didn’t date in high school and was often at home in my room alone when classes were over. I still don’t date as an adult; not because I don’t want to but because I’ve just been unable to establish a romantic bond. After work, I usually just go home because I have no social groups. I worry it is always going to be like this.

This, regretfully, is common for us on the spectrum. I learned that I had to adapt with the assumption that a partner is very unlikely, though much later than I should have. I seek activities with groups, so that I can bond with people.

 

[Tedzilla]

https://rebtdoctor.com/your-past-does-not-have-to-determine-your-future/

I like this. I didn't watch the video, but I read the text, and the advice is very basic, yet they are something that I should follow myself.