DogListener
Member
Of all the things that I’ve done accidentally… discovering Asperger’s is monumentally my favorite. (and is it really supposed to be possessive like that, or is “Aspergers” just as acceptable?)
Last week I was mid-“all nighter” to compose the final paper for my Anthropology class that I inevitably left to the last minute. Compliments of my persistent disregard for time (especially its “management”) as a concrete concept in this world that will NOT just “go away” just because I dislike and ignore it… Anyways, I was pressing hard to meet this deadline (just like every single other one I’ve come across) and desperate to level the playing field for myself, I released my tight reins on my poorly tamed “hyperfocus”…which predictably went into “hyperdrive” and couldn’t give a damn about redundantly explaining the theories surrounding all intricacies of human evolution as they had been presented to us by the course’s curriculum.
Sooooo I got sidetracked absorbing article, after article, after related article on ScienceDaily (is this relatable to anyone else?
) until I went outright to new sources in new tabs paying no heed to the unfinished final whose deadline that had already passed over an hour ago by now... The shortened version: I started on a ScienceDaily article titled, “Neanderthals were not inferior to modern humans, study finds” and somehow found myself staring at a repost of Table 1 and Table 2 of Rudy Simone’s “List of Female Asperger Syndrome Traits”. From there I surfed deeper and deeper into the internet’s treasure trove of information. My favorite “open door” I’ve come across so far was Simone’s actual book, AsperGirls. Which I read over coffee one morning in about a 2 hour span (I also stuck color coded tags near passages of interest with the hopes that I could convince my mother to, at the very least, skim read those).
Until now, the closest anyone has come to determining how I am so blatantly “different” from my peers was slapping on the label of ADD/ADHD, throwin’ me on Adderall and calling it diagnosed. It didn’t seem right to me but it certainly seemed less wrong that just believing I’m downright weird.
The biggest thing I’m beginning to understand is how I am actually perceived by other people despite my purest of intentions…and why it has consistently been the case for my entire life that all my new “friends” always seemed to like me a lot until they really got to know me despite my growing adeptness at delaying that point. I'm not used to things making so much sense in regards to my understanding of myself... I suppose I've always felt like everything about "me" contradicts itself while ever so gingerly avoiding "hypocrite territory" but now I can see it all in a new (much more flattering) light.
So… here I am.
Last week I was mid-“all nighter” to compose the final paper for my Anthropology class that I inevitably left to the last minute. Compliments of my persistent disregard for time (especially its “management”) as a concrete concept in this world that will NOT just “go away” just because I dislike and ignore it… Anyways, I was pressing hard to meet this deadline (just like every single other one I’ve come across) and desperate to level the playing field for myself, I released my tight reins on my poorly tamed “hyperfocus”…which predictably went into “hyperdrive” and couldn’t give a damn about redundantly explaining the theories surrounding all intricacies of human evolution as they had been presented to us by the course’s curriculum.
Sooooo I got sidetracked absorbing article, after article, after related article on ScienceDaily (is this relatable to anyone else?
) until I went outright to new sources in new tabs paying no heed to the unfinished final whose deadline that had already passed over an hour ago by now... The shortened version: I started on a ScienceDaily article titled, “Neanderthals were not inferior to modern humans, study finds” and somehow found myself staring at a repost of Table 1 and Table 2 of Rudy Simone’s “List of Female Asperger Syndrome Traits”. From there I surfed deeper and deeper into the internet’s treasure trove of information. My favorite “open door” I’ve come across so far was Simone’s actual book, AsperGirls. Which I read over coffee one morning in about a 2 hour span (I also stuck color coded tags near passages of interest with the hopes that I could convince my mother to, at the very least, skim read those).Until now, the closest anyone has come to determining how I am so blatantly “different” from my peers was slapping on the label of ADD/ADHD, throwin’ me on Adderall and calling it diagnosed. It didn’t seem right to me but it certainly seemed less wrong that just believing I’m downright weird.
The biggest thing I’m beginning to understand is how I am actually perceived by other people despite my purest of intentions…and why it has consistently been the case for my entire life that all my new “friends” always seemed to like me a lot until they really got to know me despite my growing adeptness at delaying that point. I'm not used to things making so much sense in regards to my understanding of myself... I suppose I've always felt like everything about "me" contradicts itself while ever so gingerly avoiding "hypocrite territory" but now I can see it all in a new (much more flattering) light.
So… here I am.
It's good you found some of Rudy Simone's writing, she's one of my 'fav A.S. authors. Despite being assessed / diagnosed AS myself, I was never told or given any reading advice about aspects of this condition, for example I never saw "meltdowns" being documented or labelled before I read Simone, or the "Burning Bridges" syndrome or indeed, any of the multiple myriad things which combine in daily existence & which need managing if we are working to get through life with any degree of sanity. I knew them from living with them for decades but like you, put it down to unfavorable aspects of my personality & I rarely appreciated the extent of the effect these aspects of myself might have on others. That said, I never took precautions to insulate myself & to accommodate my AS either, until I started doing relevant reading & research like you. So, enjoy the site, there are many people here who can & will empathize, offer advice & allow a place to vent 
