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Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Tony Ramirez, Sep 23, 2019.

  1. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    Do you go through this. Someone says hello to you or your in a group. You say hi back then they talk you say a few words back, silence then they stop talking, if they are polite say got to go or bye walk away or in a group they then talk amongst themselves.

    I find this very annoying since socializing more to the point where I don't even want to bother but my faith keeps me from giving up but it is still irritating.

    I just don't get how people with ASD Asperger can't hold a conversation to save there life but NT can talk about anything and keep an conversation going.
     
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  2. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Yes. This is my experience with socialising with my partner's friends - they ask me a few generic, superficial small talk questions, and then go back to talking to him. I don't like the questions and feel an inner resistance or annoyance that I then have to fight to be polite. I used to go out with my partner and his friends when I was younger, but now tend not to bother - it seems pointless, my presence is pointless.

    I think that people find with me is that there's always something missing, something not there and they don't get from me what they get from other people. The basic problem is that I don't exchange ememes with people. When people are talking, they aren't just talking and the words might not even be the most important part of the conversation, they are exchanging ememes, emotions which are conveyed by means of a verbal meme, a set phrase with an emotional charge if you like. These are the 'food' of conversations, which people feed off - people expect them, and expect them at certain parts of the conversation and on cue. For example, when they meet someone "oohhh so nice to seeee you" in a sing-song voice. I'm flat and don't always deliver these ememes, and if I do, not in the sing-song voice or right tone, flat - so I appear to be lacking in enthusiasm.
     
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  3. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    QUOTE I just don't get how people with ASD Asperger can't hold a conversation to save there life but NT can talk about anything and keep an conversation going. END QUOTE

    For me, not understanding non-verbal communication is why I can't converse with most people. Things like eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice, body posture and so on. It all goes over my head. This is also why I take thing that are said to me, literally.

    NTs have a very strong desire to be like other people or belong to a group. Good social skills are very beneficial in satisfying this desire.

    Very poor social skills is the price that I pay for all the good benefits of Asperger's Syndrome.
     
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  4. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    I find small talk and much of NT conversation to be of little interest to me but there are some I can talk with for hours. Autistic people find it easier to communicate with each other as do NTs, according to recent research.
    I don't socialise much but when I do it's with people who can hold a decent conversation about weighty topics or other people on the spectrum. No point in having a conversation otherwise.
     
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  5. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

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    I appreciate small talk sometimes. It is superficial and brief and allows me some human contact without a lot of emotion. I'm getting good at it this year, practicing at it since I moved into an apartment with neighbors so close.
    I usually am the first to speak, this is helpful for some reason, with a very friendly "hi". Then the other person can say whatever back, stop and talk about whatever...usually how cute my dog is or how hot the weather is.
    Then I like to be the first to end the encounter, this helps too because there isn't that lag that precedes the awkward ending of the impromptu visit.
     
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  6. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member

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    I think for me the biggest issue is knowing the possibility that I might say something that offends or is just weird as a response, so I keep my comments short (which doesn’t allow for connections and for friendships to go further). I’ve done this many times before.

    I also just talk about what I care about or nod excessively to what others are talking about without much care... I just assume people think is this person ok in the head??? :confused::eek:
     
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  7. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    I have watched in fascination at nt's in a conversation and think: why can't I do that?

    I actually love talkative people, because it makes me feel like I can breath and not panic so much about what to say.

    Sometimes, I have only managed to say: hello; how are things? And if the response is short and no so sweet, my mind is completely blank!
     
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  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    My mind is usually blank if anyone is looking at me so I don't say much in conversations, typically, but my good friends are very talkative and keep it going, which must be part of how they became good friends. :D
     
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  9. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    I always worry about saying something stupid or the wrong thing so I usually go blank not knowing what to say next.
     
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  10. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

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    I used to worry about that too. But now that I'm older I don't care as much if I sound stupid or even inappropriate. As long as I keep my intentions kind, then how bad can what I say be? Might be misunderstood, but I can't control that.
     
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  11. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    What makes it worse in a group setting when you got a person who dominates the conversation. I then just remain quiet unless someone talks to me which is rare and if they do it never lasts back to talking to there peers.

    Example talking about how annoying robocalls is I say something like "I hate them they are annoying" I maybe get a few words back then the group dominates with there stupid "small talk" so because of "small talk" I can't even remain in an conversion for topics interest me.

    The only person I was able to talk to easy was my second cousin Alec who also has Asperger's and we related so much it was like talking to a younger version of myself. I can also talk to people here with ease to it is the Neurotypical's I can't remain in an conversation that does not last longer then a minute.
     
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