On being direct.

[camerartus]

From what I've read, people with aspergers are often direct. I'm NT, myself, but I had a question. If an NT is direct with you, can it be just as hard to hear it as it often is for a NT? Or, does that vary greatly?

 

[Beverly]

No one likes hearing negative things about themselves but, I'd much rather hear honest, blunt criticism than have someone try to spare my feelings and, thus not be clear about what they were trying to say. If the person telling me either makes it clear that they are about to give me objective criticism or is someone I know to be objective and honest, I have no problem hearing it. I may not like it, but I know it's valid and, there is something I need to work on.

What I don't need is the same criticism repeated while I am working on correcting the issue or fault.

That applies in reverse too - I will tell you once what I need you to do and, I expect it done. I won't remind you in a day, or a week or a month or, ever again. if you do not do not show an effort at all. i assume you choose not to do it and, will do what I must. That may be doing it myself, dismissing you, ending a relationship with you, etc... I will not bring the issue up a second time. I would not need you to tell me twice so, I do not expect to have to tell you twice.

 

[camerartus]

Yeah, that's kinda my approach, too. But, I find most people have to be asked at least twice, in spite of their honest intentions to do it the first time. Thanks again for your input.

 

[Ylva]

It is more the tone. When you finally convince an NT to be direct, or when they decide to do it on their own, it is usually out of hostility. Stating true things in a neutral or cheery tone is better as I see it, but to many NTs, including ones who have known me for years, that sounds passive-aggressive. So for the most part I keep my truths to myself. (Except on the internet, where verbal assaults lack the ear-splitting volume of in-person aggression.)

But yes, I'd love to hear the truth from NTs and allistics in a non-hostile way.

 

[Progster]

I agree with Beverly. I prefer people to be direct and honest with me, rather than try to spare my feelings. I feel more secure with people who are open and honest, because I know where I stand with them.

 

[camerartus]

Thanks

 

[AsheSkyler]

Because I have dealt with so many passive-aggressive drama queens, there's no seeming blunt message I'll accept. It it's somebody I know well and we've already worked out a system that allows frankness without suspicion, yes, then blunt is good. Everybody else, no.

Now for non-negative stuff, yes, blunt is good. If somebody says "the bathroom is out of toilet paper" and it is their way of asking me to go get some more, I'm just going to assume it was a notice to use the other bathroom. If they say "will you please go put some more in the bathroom" or "can you go to the store and get us some more", then I know what they want and can accommodate them.

 

[Aspieistj]

From what I've read, people with aspergers are often direct. I'm NT, myself, but I had a question. If an NT is direct with you, can it be just as hard to hear it as it often is for a NT? Or, does that vary greatly?

No, as long as the tone and inflection aren't rude. I greatly appreciate anyone who can communicate very precisely. Some very nice folks are laconic, so their words are all important. That's why I like well written prose more than flowery and indirect poetry. Poetry that rhymes is usually OK just for the pun of it.

 

[Tom]

I think 'Directness' is a tendency of autistics, but far from universal.

It also occurs very frequently with NTs in the variety of personalities. One slang term for this type of person is 'Straight Shooter'.

I don't think it matters who it comes from once you realize they are that way with everyone and not just picking you out.

 

[flowers]

I appreciate people who are known to be direct, because then I know there is no "reading between the lines" expected of me, which I cannot do.

To be perfectly honest though, I take everything people say as direct. I take people at their word and say what I mean as well. Intellectually I know most people are not direct and use more complicated social...stuff, but when it comes time to interact I will take everything at face value.

So, as long as they are not making a face at me or have a mean tone (which is hard for me to detect anyway) I prefer it when NTs are direct. Because I will take them directly anyway.

This does not however, include people who take pride in "telling it as it is" because those are usually people who enjoy being rude in guise of being truthful.