Not sure how to feel from interaction with roommate, please help!

[SDRSpark]

It sounds to me like you need to report her threat to "make your life a living hell" to her superior.

Document everything.

It is not appropriate for her to blame you for her behavior or to make her success (or failure) your responsibility.

She's not fit for the line of work she chose if she's going to keep that attitude.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Technically, though such a nebulous explanation does not define or qualify any "duty owed" either.

"The devil being in the details". Especially in the event that one party threatens another.

You have to grease the wheels in life sometimes.

It's a standard human expectation imo. Especially with people who are living together as roommates.
Hardly nebulous.

 

[the_tortoise]

Glad to hear I am free to believe what I want.

I'm approaching it from a different angle.
If the OP proceeds like this with life in general, there will be far more interpersonal conflict as a result.

You're misunderstanding what I mean by the real world, I think.

No matter, you're free to quote rules at whiever you want.

Different relationships have different rules. You can’t always generalize from one relationship to the next. Helping professional and client relationships have a very different set of rules to most others, and a lot of those different rules are far more strict - and for good reasons , in my opinion.

And my comment about you being free to believe whatever you want was my way of acknowledging you will likely never be on the same page with me about this and to signal that i am near my limit as far as wanting to debate it or discuss it further, and the lack of more courteous phrasing (e.g “let us agree to disagree, i think i am about done arguing my side/have nothing more to say”) was born of irritation (i typed the first words i thought of, without allowing cool off time and also time to think of the least abrasive phrasing possible ) at your implied and rather dismissive assumption that I don’t know what I am talking about (ie that nobody would have a job if what I say is true).

 

[SimplyWandering]

You have to grease the wheels in life. It's a standard human expectation imo. Especially with people who are living together as roommates..

Maybe you are right, maybe I should let her know, then again I am more concerned with the verbal and mental attacks she has placed on me even before this happened. She was already making me feel uncomfortable even before these events occurred. Over the last couple months any time I did anything remotely considered unusual (like cutting her hair out of the vacuum cleaner) she would give me looks or say rude things to me about the things I was doing.

You are right in the sense that everyone is only hearing my side of the story. However, the more pressing thing in all of this is realizing that regardless of how she feels , she needs to step aside and recuse herself because this is supposed to be a learning experience for her and a safe haven / treatment for my well being. I don’t need to inform her when I am at a location or in specific class. I don’t feel comfortable with giving that information to people who are not involved in my treatment, would most of you?

Being young is not an excuse for someone in a Masters program who is only months away from being able to interact with a general population that has mental health disorders. She simply should have asked her supervisor before approaching me.

I would love to let things slide, but that is how people with power abuse people who cannot advocate for them selves.

She has clearly overstepped her rights as a healthcare advocate (it doesn’t matter how or what she was reacting to, she did react.)

 

[Judge]

You have to grease the wheels in life sometimes.

It's a standard human expectation imo. Especially with people who are living together as roommates.
Hardly nebulous.

I couldn't disagree more. There's no such thing as a "standard human expectation". Implicit social contract theory is "standard" only to those who actually buy into it. Much like the philosophy of ethics. Something that many or some may accept while others flatly reject it for varying reasons.

No differently than what can define differing perceptions between autistic and non-autistic people. Or how John Locke claimed that some rights are "inalienable" while Thomas Hobbes did not. Reflecting that there's no inherent guarantee of universal acceptance and/or understanding.

In this instance what is paramount isn't any claim of a nebulous social standard, but rather a legal contract common to both tenants established by the owner of the room being rented. A contract that likely specifies nothing about a duty owed by one roommate to look out after the occupational well-being of the other roommate. An issue that might be relevant to their common employer, but not a third-party landlord.

Even then, there's no guarantee that both parties will contractually adhere to established terms and conditions. Where attempts at standards of expected behavior fail. It's why there are courts to mitigate such civil wrongs.

 

[paloftoon]

Life is short. Maybe you should look into moving elsewhere if that's feasible. You could tell your landlord the conflict of interest to see if you could get out of your lease with no penalty because of the situation not under your control. She's basically made up her mind as a person to not be able to speak to. I don't get the sense that you are trying to impede on her when she's around. She just gets annoyed at having to deal with this coincidence and how her fellow colleagues might view her that she is living with a potential patient for her. It's a tough situation for her too, but the way she is dealing with it is unacceptable. You can only control you. Focus on what works most for you- either that has to be ignoring her like people said or moving out as soon as possible from your living arrangement. Many on the spectrum tend not to like change. So I gather you will most likely be working on different ways to ignore her. Talk to her minimally and only at home. Pretend you don't know her at the facility and do what you can to keep your distance but still get the care you need.

 

[Noba Loney]

1) I don’t feel comfortable having to tell her when I am taking each and every class

She's trying to coerce you into apologising for your presence for the sake of her precious internship! It does nobody any favours to acquiesce to that, your feelings are telling you the truth. This person sounds messed up (in a fairly mundane sort of way.) Trust your instincts.

 

[paloftoon]

You didn't mess up or will potentially mess up her internship. Just minimize contact with her when you're both at the facility. That's all there is to that. In terms of how you deal with her interactions outside of that, either you put up with the bitchin', say something that is going to possibly cause more controversy but that you are standing up, or just play passively and keep saying "you'll try your best" and that you'll "communicate what you feel comfortable with."

 

[SimplyWandering]

Life is short. Maybe you should look into moving elsewhere if that's feasible. You could tell your landlord the conflict of interest to see if you could get out of your lease with no penalty because of the situation not under your control. She's basically made up her mind as a person to not be able to speak to. I don't get the sense that you are trying to impede on her when she's around. She just gets annoyed at having to deal with this coincidence and how her fellow colleagues might view her that she is living with a potential patient for her. It's a tough situation for her too, but the way she is dealing with it is unacceptable. You can only control you. Focus on what works most for you- either that has to be ignoring her like people said or moving out as soon as possible from your living arrangement. Many on the spectrum tend not to like change. So I gather you will most likely be working on different ways to ignore her. Talk to her minimally and only at home. Pretend you don't know her at the facility and do what you can to keep your distance but still get the care you need.

I am really not bothered by her working at the facility, it is the way she treats me as a result

You didn't mess up or will potentially mess up her internship. Just minimize contact with her when you're both at the facility. That's all there is to that. In terms of how you deal with her interactions outside of that, either you put up with the bitchin', say something that is going to possibly cause more controversy but that you are standing up, or just play passively and keep saying "you'll try your best" and that you'll "communicate what you feel comfortable with."

If I tell my therapist that she said “if I mess this up for her, she will make my life hell” she will most likely be fired from her internship. The feelings of anxiety that she causes is not healthy for me

 

[SDRSpark]

If I tell my therapist that she said “if I mess this up for her, she will make my life hell” she will most likely be fired from her internship. The feelings of anxiety that she causes is not healthy for me

She SHOULD be fired from the internship. Think about the anxiety that she's causing you, and how she would do the same, or worse, to someone else like you or even more vulnerable than you are.

This is not OK. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. It's in everyone's best interest if she's not allowed to be in a position to harm vulnerable people.

None of this, absolutely none of this, is your fault. You didn't ask her to start working/attending school with you/be your roommate. You didn't ask her to make her conflict of interest, which is her duty to deal with, your problem. And you certainly didn't ask for her to start threatening you because you didn't adequately make her conflict of interest go away (which was never your responsibility in the first place.)

Don't feel one iota of guilt if she loses her internship as a result of this - she brought every bit of it on herself.

 

[the_tortoise]

If I tell my therapist that she said “if I mess this up for her, she will make my life hell” she will most likely be fired from her internship. The feelings of anxiety that she causes is not healthy for me

She probably should be fired from her internship.

I understand if you don’t feel safe to say anything, but you would potentially be helping protect a lot of people (including maybe yourself , but I don’t know how it would play out and I get that there are risks) if you disclosed this threat.

 

[SDRSpark]

She probably should be fired from her internship.

I understand if you don’t feel safe to say anything, but you would potentially be helping protect a lot of people (including maybe yourself , but I don’t know how it would play out and I get that there are risks) if you disclosed this threat.

To that end - if you do disclose (I really think you should) inform them of the fear you feel of repercussions - which is legitimate - I'd bet my bottom dollar there will be something in place to protect you (even if it's just making her immediately unwelcome on campus). It's important that you disclose that fear right out of the gate though.