Not all NTs love socialising

[Misty Avich]

"Introvert" and "Extrovert" personality types have been accepted for many many years and long before autism was even a diagnosis. Highly doubtful that all people previously or currently considered to be "introverts" were/are in fact autistic. I agree therefore that NTs can be "introverts". Keep in mind there are also diagnoses that are non-autism related that can be a reason an NT does not like socializing.

Yes, that is true. My friend has Fragile-X syndrome (FXS) but not autism, and she avoids social situations and has trouble making friends and can get easily overwhelmed in noisy environments. She said that when she was little she was often going around with her hands over her ears in almost every environment. It is apparently a symptom of FXS.

 

[vergil96]

I think it's from when I read memes by introverts but not necessarily autistic but that a lot of introverted NTs can relate to, and it often lists a lot of autism symptoms (don't like small talk, are socially awkward, dislike crowds and are shy, withdrawn and overwhelmed). As a sort-of spectrumer even I can't relate to all that.

Well, maybe it's not confirmed information? There are plenty of things on the internet that aren't really true, but gain traction in related communities. I can't say that aspies I know IRL are neccesarily introverted either. These people have been diagnosed due to difficulties at school.

I read somewhere that NTs with social anxiety are supposed to hate socialising.

Yup. Or at least... until someone gets rid of the anxiety, it produces negative feelings apart from positive ones - all human beings have instincts to socialise and to find it fun.

She said that when she was little she was often going around with her hands over her ears in almost every environment. It is apparently a symptom of FXS.

Yes, overstimulation can be a symptom of many medical conditions. I can't find a link right now, but it's present in a number of conditions that affect the nervous system.

 

[Swansong]

The endless generalizations and pointless labels will never cease to amuse/annoy me.

Is there anything human being will not become tribalistic about?

 

[paloftoon]

Socializing is a bit overrated. We live in a crueler world before. Also, I prefer quality communication. I want someone that has time to meet with me in-person or do things substantially online beyond just chatting. I don't want to be everyone's second or millionth option, and I don't want to make others around me feel that way if feasible for me either.

 

[Ken]

Many Aspies mark the whole NT population as "extreme social creatures with no interests other than socialising". But, in reality, they don't all live their lives like that.
I'm a sociable person and I like people, but I can be shy too, but I tend to force myself to attend social situations (not that I don't like social situations) because if I don't I feel like I'm being autistic. But many NTs avoid social situations too, even if they seem extroverted. So it doesn't always mean you're autistic just because you would rather stay home or do your own thing than go to a party.

My husband's daughter is an extroverted NT, and I've met her boyfriend a few times, who also seems like an extroverted NT. I know he's an NT (I can usually instinctively sense when someone may not be an NT, especially in males, even if they're highly social and seem normal, but with him I can instinctively tell he's not autistic or other ND type at all). But he often avoids social gatherings and my husband's daughter usually turns up to family gatherings alone without him. She doesn't mind. I once asked her if he was shy and she said he's not shy but just social gatherings aren't really his thing so often makes excuses to avoid going, preferring to pursue his hobby instead, which is fishing.

So you don't have to be autistic to not jump at the invite of a party. And I need to stop being embarrassed about my shyness and just sometimes openly admit that I'm not the life and soul of a party and that sometimes I don't always have to attend a party if I don't want to. I do enjoy socialising though, but at the same time I do get fidgety and restless at parties. I prefer to go to parties where you don't need to wear smart or "dressy" clothes. I'm going to openly admit that I don't like going out for work dos at Christmas or any other time of the year.

Saying no to a party doesn't mean you're autistic, or it won't make people immediately go "oh, he/she must be autistic because they don't always attend social gatherings".

Interesting. I never really thought Aspies had an exclusive on introversion. I always thought anyone could be introverted. I am an introvert and and Aspie, but didn't think that meant all autistics were introverted nor all NT were not.

 

[Misty Avich]

Interesting. I never really thought Aspies had an exclusive on introversion. I always thought anyone could be introverted. I am an introvert and and Aspie, but didn't think that meant all autistics were introverted nor all NT were not.

I didn't think so either but I have read on autism forums that a lot of Aspies believe that all Aspies are introverts and that all NTs do is sit around chatting and gossiping about sports and the Kardashians and nothing else. Some even believed that NTs are incapable of having interests and only chat about sports for "something to talk about" and that they'll only have football on in the pub as a background stimulation and are just there to socialise and not to actually watch the sport. I felt this was an inaccurate and vague observation from clueless Aspies who probably haven't observed NTs enough to know that NTs are individuals too.
Whenever I've gone into pubs I've often seen men gazing at the football and not interacting with each other, some were even sitting alone watching it. Others were noisier and cheered loudly whenever a goal was scored, but I could still tell they were more engaged in the sport than in each other. But most NT men I know who don't like football openly say that they wouldn't be seen dead watching a game and so wouldn't go to a pub to watch a game just to be with people.

Having grown up in an NT family and went to mainstream school and have spent my whole life around more NTs than NDs (although as an adult I do have ND friends), I do know a lot about NTs.
I was just surprised to learn that an extrovert NT I know avoids social gatherings. Whenever I've seen him, he speaks in a loud voice, has a very bubbly charm and a lot of other traits a typical extrovert may have. He even often starts chatting to strangers and knows exactly what to say and has made friends this way (something a lot of NTs couldn't do). But he isn't a social gathering type of person, and prefers to go fishing than to attend a social party. He has a friend who he goes fishing with but not always. Sometimes he goes fishing alone because he enjoys it.

 

[Judge]

We have some autistic extroverts right here in this community. Perhaps some of them might step forward to confirm it.

 

[Au Naturel]

I have read on autism forums that a lot of Aspies believe that all Aspies are introverts and that all NTs do is sit around chatting and gossiping about sports and the Kardashians and nothing else. Some even believed that NTs are incapable of having interests and only chat about sports for "something to talk about" and that they'll only have football on in the pub as a background stimulation and are just there to socialise and not to actually watch the sport.

A lot of this is self-serving to make autistic people out to be 'serious" and NTs "frivolous."

There are stadiums full of NTs - and a few NDs - who spent a day's wages for a ticket/parking/food. The fun is watching the game with their friends, but if the game were unimportant, they'd save the money and stay at home.

The pub had to pay money for the right to have the game on. A commercial establishment has to pay a lot more than Joe Sixpack and his cable sports package. If all they wanted was noise in the background, they'd tune in to a local radio station. The reactions of the pub customers when the home team scores will tell you it isn't just background noise.

 

[paloftoon]

If you don't like to socialize at all, then I think that would lean toward more ND.
In this specific situation, I think it's fair to consider.


If you only like to socialize in small groups, or you socialize, but only once in awhile, then I think that an NT or ND could be in such a social space. Of course, we need to try to "see the big picture" which isn't easy for most of us. So, there's that too. . . .