New to this

[MKS]

Hello!

So I'm not sure if I'm on the spectrum or what but after a lot of contemplating, googling around, and talking with a friend, it sort of seems like it. A lot of my behavior matches up to being an aspie but I'm really not sure. Hopefully I can find out and make some friends during my stay here.

Here are some details if you care to let me know what you think:
-I've always been very socially awkward
-My mom is constantly asking me if I'm mad. I'm not sure what's up with this but now every time she asks me this, it makes me mad from the sheer fact that I wasn't mad to begin with.
-Growing up, and still on rare occasions (I'm 21 and getting better at controlling this), I will completely overreact and get pissed about something rather insignificant

And there is something that caught me off guard a couple weeks ago. Currently I'm trying to improve my people skills, and so I feel I have to 'put on a persona' in order to interact with people. In the past year or two I've learned solid eye contact, to smile when talking with others, and I've generally overcome my social anxiety. I guess for an instant I forgot to act the part, and so a classmate who I frequently talked with (or tried to, at least) asked me if I hated him. This really surprised me as I thought I was doing pretty well, at least compared to my regular self, but I don't know.

I hesitate to self-diagnose, because to my knowledge I haven't interacted with anybody else in person on the spectrum. I don't know what it looks like. Anyway, please let me know what you think.

 

[tree]

 

[Tom]

That 'persona' is very common with us. We also call it wearing the mask. Or even having multiple masks for every occasion. In general what you describe is in line with spectrum behaviors. I have seen the face that is misinterpreted as 'mad' quite often as my son has it. Talking with others is a good way to explore it more. Good work on developing social skills and good luck figuring it out.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Whether you get diagnosed or not, you are always welcome here.

In your description, you mention that others ask if you are mad or if you hate them. I used to get the same thing. About 10 years ago, I noticed that people had a lot of hostile reactions when I said something I thought was fairly innocent. I realized they were reacting like I was attacking them, and made an effort to put more “cheer” and “friendliness” in my voice. The reactions stopped.

I guess I have a “hostile default voice” and I need to consciously make it friendly. So apparently that’s a thing here.

 

[Nitro]

Hi MKS

 

[StephF]

Hello MKS, enjoy the forums and chat . We are nice here and don't bite (often)