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New to here and would love support with my father

I’m a teacher so I’ve worked with many children on the autistic spectrum, but I just can’t quite get my head round the fact that my dad could be too. It would explain sooo much, but it just seems to alien!
 
Lack of showing emotion - or difficulty with it. Being too honest. Lack of outside relationships or friendships. The list goes on.
 
I’ve seen oblivion with him on so many occasions. Even today he nearly hit my mum in the face when he picked something up. He had no idea how close he was, and when she said something, he didnt acknowledge what happened. All my mum wanted was acknowledgment, but in my mind he was thinking “well i didn’t hurt her, so I’ve nothing to apologise for”
Of it was me in the same situation, I would immediately apologise for nearly hitting her!!
 
When I was diagnosed, well, even now, my siblings doubt the diagnosis and I think part of it is because you've known this person all your life, this is who they are and how I've always seen them, how could I have missed it. And not wanting to feel like you just missed it, obvious as it may have been, and therefore missed being able to help in the past. ??? One theory.
 
THANKs so much for your responses.. I’m sat on a plane which is about to take off any minute, so I’d better sign off.
Thank you xx
 
Hi and welcome!

Not talking when eating together could just be an Aspie trait.
I'm a senior, not as old as your father, but, things you've mentioned such as not talking
or not apologising doesn't mean I don't notice others around me.
I notice everything. It is just not something that comes natural to care for talking unless
it's something I find interesting and I've been told I never say I'm sorry.
It's just as you said, if nothing really happened and no one was hurt, I just take things like that
as a given and don't stop to think of what the proper response should be.

I've been told our traits do become more apparent as we age.
And one of the things I get grumpy about is the knowledge I can no longer do a lot of things
that were physical like I did when I was younger.
It makes me more of an emotional hermit.
 
My Dad is a oblivious to things like personal space, is in his own "bubble" much of the time. We've recognized that he is very dissociative much of the time - not really "in" his body, or noticing what's going on around him. He gets panicky and really doesn't act like a grown up under stress. He repeats himself quite a lot too, and don't get me started on his "special interest" lectures.
I have to be gentle with him because he is like a fragile child, or an absent minded professor, I'm not always, though, I get very passionate about politics too, and can rant with the best of 'em and my excuse is, that's one of my Aspie traits. My Dad is 75 now.

My mum and I figured out he was Aspie about 10 years ago, but it's only been the last couple that it's being obvious to him too, because I couldn't have told him, he's already very socially underconfident and it felt too awkward to tell him. I've only realized I am one too, last year, as being female, it's not as well documented, how it can present in us.
 
Last edited:
Torimoori said:
I’m a teacher so I’ve worked with many children on the autistic spectrum, but I just can’t quite get my head round the fact that my dad could be too. It would explain sooo much, but it just seems to alien!
Click to expand...

For many people on the spectrum, being autistic is a good thing. For me, autism allows me to do things that others can not do. Autism is my superpower. But there has to be a understanding of autism first.
 
Mia said:
My husband who's an aspie does that. He gets in too close, and he is not aware that he is too close. He occupies space all around him, within a few feet, and he doesn't notice others nearby.

It's usual for him, there is no agenda of any sort involved. Likely why your father didn't apologize for something he didn't notice.
Click to expand...
This makes total sense. But up until last week, my mum found it really offensive and felt like he thought everything was always her fault!
 
SusanLR said:
Hi and welcome!

Not talking when eating together could just be an Aspie trait.
I'm a senior, not as old as your father, but, things you've mentioned such as not talking
or not apologising doesn't mean I don't notice others around me.
I notice everything. It is just not something that comes natural to care for talking unless
it's something I find interesting and I've been told I never say I'm sorry.
It's just as you said, if nothing really happened and no one was hurt, I just take things like that
as a given and don't stop to think of what the proper response should be.

I've been told our traits do become more apparent as we age.
And one of the things I get grumpy about is the knowledge I can no longer do a lot of things
that were physical like I did when I was younger.
It makes me more of an emotional hermit.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for responding. This resonates so strongly. We have just come back from skiing. My dad has skied for 50 years (and skiing is currently one of his obsessions) but the difficulty now is that he realises he can't ski like he used to... which makes him grumpy!!
 
clg114 said:
For many people on the spectrum, being autistic is a good thing. For me, autism allows me to do things that others can not do. Autism is my superpower. But there has to be a understanding of autism first.
Click to expand...
I wish he would be able to think like that! I love this thought of being your superpower :0)
 
Nauti said:
My Dad is a oblivious to things like personal space, is in his own "bubble" much of the time. We've recognized that he is very dissociative much of the time - not really "in" his body, or noticing what's going on around him. He gets panicky and really doesn't act like a grown up under stress. He repeats himself quite a lot too, and don't get me started on his "special interest" lectures.
I have to be gentle with him because he is like a fragile child, or an absent minded professor, I'm not always, though, I get very passionate about politics too, and can rant with the best of 'em and my excuse is, that's one of my Aspie traits. My Dad is 75 now.

My mum and I figured out he was Aspie about 10 years ago, but it's only been the last couple that it's being obvious to him too, because I couldn't have told him, he's already very socially underconfident and it felt too awkward to tell him. I've only realized I am one too, last year, as being female, it's not as well documented, how it can present in us.
Click to expand...
Everything in your first paragraph are things that really became apparent when we were on holiday. The look of terror on his face when we suggested he wrote an email on his phone to sort out the taxi was so unnerving to see as his daughter. Looking back, we have seen this panic on so many occasions, but just put it down to him being impatient!
Do you find that now you have realised that you are one too, that you can support him better?
 
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