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New to here and would love support with my father

T

Torimoori

New Member
hi there. After increasingly noticing at the age of 72, that my father was finding life more and more difficult.. and as his daughter, finding him increasingly harder to get along with, I’ve realised that all his peculiarities and difficulties are leading us to believe he has aspergers. Does anyone here have any advise for me as where I can look for support. There is no way I can even begin to broach this subject with him, but my mother and I have decided we will try and manage the way we are with him
TIA
 
What kind of support are you looking for?

If you ask questions about specific behaviors or issues here you will find a lot of people willing to offer opinions and advice based on their own experiences and knowledge of ASD.

Welcome to the site.
 
I’m not really sure where to begin to be honest.. I think being connected with someone else who has experience of an older parent with aspergers would be a fantastic start,. Is there anyone out there in a similar situation as me?
 
Hi Torimoori :)

welcome to af.png
 
Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process! :)

You'll find plenty of support here; many others like yourself come here to seek help and guidance for their loved ones who're on the spectrum.
 
Mia said:
Hi Torimoori, welcome to the site. It's highly likely that my father had undiagnosed autism.
I'll be happy to answer any questions you have, you can personal message me if you would like the questions to remain private.

To PM someone right click on your avatar name: Torimoori, it will bring up a square black box with your avatar and information. Right click on 'Start a conversation':

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If I'm on the site, I'll respond.
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Thank you Mia for contacting me.. I probably have so many questions to ask! How old was he when you realised that the things he said and did weren’t the same as other people his age?
 
Isadoorian said:
Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process! :)

You'll find plenty of support here; many others like yourself come here to seek help and guidance for their loved ones who're on the spectrum.
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Thank you so much for your welcoming message
 
Asperger’s doesn’t start in a person’s 70s, if that is what you are saying.
If he is changing, it could be pain or confusion and he’s trying to hide it?
 
Mia said:
I was quite young when I realized that he often had something like a meltdown, when he was confused or frustrated. Which seemed to me as a child very much like a tantrum.
He had great difficulty expressing emotion at the age of thirty or so.
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We’ve seen him have meltdowns etc but always put it down to the stress of his job. The sad thing is seeing the lack of conversation with my parents. My mum and I realised that he never starts a conversation unless it’s making a statement about something he’s interested in. We’ve had entire meals out where he’s been in his own world and has not even realised that we’ve said nothing. There’s been so many things that we’ve just put down to him being lazy, stressed or overweight, but actually we are increasingly realising he just can’t do things! How did you manage to deal with the meltdowns?
 
Welcome to Autism Forums! I am about the same age (73) as your father. It could be that he just needs answers to questions that he has about his self. I was diagnosed at age 62 and that was a real eye opener for me. It was nice to have answers to questions that I had about myself for years. But first there has to be conversation about ASD to get him started on some research. Good luck!
 
Hi and welcome. Most seniors were never diagnosed because we really didn't have the diagnosis back then. I'm sure the traits have become more prominent and I think it's great you and your mom realize the likelihood so you can gain more patience and understanding. What I've learned about myself over the past couple years makes me think my mom was probably on the spectrum, too. I wish I had known that while she was still here.
 
clg114 said:
Welcome to Autism Forums! I am about the same age (73) as your father. It could be that he just needs answers to questions that he has about his self. I was diagnosed at age 62 and that was a real eye opener for me. It was nice to have answers to questions that I had about myself for years. But first there has to be conversation about ASD to get him started on some research. Good luck!
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Thanks so much for your response.. he is totally unaware that we have concerns about him.. and he is the kind of person who will not even consider that he is anything other than “normal!!” Although I know none of us are!! I just hope we learn how to manage the things he finds difficult in order to have a happy life for my parents mainly!
 
Pats said:
Hi and welcome. Most seniors were never diagnosed because we really didn't have the diagnosis back then. I'm sure the traits have become more prominent and I think it's great you and your mom realize the likelihood so you can gain more patience and understanding. What I've learned about myself over the past couple years makes me think my mom was probably on the spectrum, too. I wish I had known that while she was still here.
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They really have become more prominent in the last 4 years in particular, to the point where my mum is at the point where she is sick of losing friends because of some of the outrageous things he has said and done in the past.. she has some very loyal friends now but my father is increasingly trying to alienate them from her too.. and don’t even get him started on brexit. I’ve sat with him during one of his incensitive rants and wanted the floor to open up and swallow me!
What traits have you noticed?
 
Actually, it'd probably be close to the same answer. lol
Oblivion to how your opinion may be affecting someone else is a big one.
 
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