New app telling which men to avoid

[Magna]

I think polygamy might be the human normal and it was religion that controlled our sexual behaviours.

Polygamy and non-monogamy are the human "normals" in so far as both emulate the same behaviors in our other primate relatives.

"Enforced monogamy" is something that was brought about by marriage (ie religion) and has been the indisputable impetus for our species advancing to the level it has.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Polygamy and non-monogamy are the human "normals" in so far as both emulate the same behaviors in our other primate relatives.

"Enforced monogamy" is something that was brought about by marriage (ie religion) and has been the indisputable impetus for our species advancing to the level it has.

Not all cultures have enforced monogamy, watched quite a few videos on first nations culture in North America, each tribe different A lot of their cultural stuff was great, They lasted thousands of years. Do not assume using religion as a crutch is the only way. Some of the ways they Avoided inbreeding or controlling endogamy really surprised me. Not something puritans would like. Visiting another village was worth the visit Now I sort of now why many tribes were, matriarchal. A simple paradigm shift completely shifts the debate, What does religion have to do with it. Just another variable, not even that important. Anthropology can be interesting.

 

[Magna]

Not all cultures have enforced monogamy, watched quite a few videos on first nations culture in North America, each tribe different A lot of their cultural stuff was great, They lasted thousands of years. Do not assume using religion as a crutch is the only way. Some of the ways they Avoided inbreeding or controlling endogamy really surprised me. Not something puritans would like. Visiting another village was worth the visit Now I sort of now why many tribes were, matriarchal. A simple paradigm shift completely shifts the debate, What does religion have to do with it. Just another variable, not even that important. Anthropology can be fun.

No question that there are cultures still to this day that do not have enforced monogamy as their basic structure. Various forms of tribalism come to mind where the leader of the tribe has a harem, etc. I also agree that cultures that practiced more primitive lifestyles were able to subsist and even thrive within their primitive paradigm. Also, primitive practices don't necessarily equate to a lower overall quality of life, in my opinion as there are advantages to leading a simpler life as a group of people.

However, throughout history, isn't it true that in most cases, cultures that did/do favor enforced monogamy advanced as a society to a greater degree over time than cultures that didn't/don't?

Expecting for example, that men who are not able to find a mate should still be altruistic and work their life's efforts instead in favor of the perpetuation of our species, is unrealistic at best and a double standard at worst. Expecting this would also mean that women who don't want to have children but can, should be expected to have children for the betterment for and the perpetuation of our species. Unrealistic in both cases.

 

[Rocco]

An app like this cuts both ways. It is good to have a safe place to warn women about dangerous men, but is there a way to prove the integrity of the posts?

For example, a vindictive Ex might trash/burn out/slander a guy just because she is bitter.

Ultimately I think it could be more helpful for safety than damaging reputations, but still the ease of lying on such an app bring out a lot of ethical and moral questions.

When I first tried dating apps 5 years ago I was catfished by a woman that turned out to be quite unhinged. After many long phone conversations we met in person and I was a bit shocked to have been misled in such a way. I politely told her I did not see a future for the two of us and that I wanted to end communications. She got very belligerent and hostile, then harassed and stalked me for a while. Then she reported me to Bumble for who knows what, and I was permanently banned for life. After that she contacted me from a different phone number and profusely apologized and said she would recant her report with bumble.

People like that would use such an app like Tea Dating Advice for less than ethical posts I believe.

Even still, less dates for a few guys wrongly accused is a much better outcome than to have even one woman assaulted. So overall it would probably be a good app, IF there was a way to verify authenticity of the posts.

 

[Hypnalis]

less dates for a few guys wrongly accused is a much better outcome than to have even one woman assaulted.

Except that the majority of those genuine issues are caused by people who are not deterred by any normal protective measure (Dark Triad, ASPD, etc).

Measures designed on the assumption that crimes in this space are mostly usually caused by normies usually fail to produce better outcomes, usually expensively. Meanwhile they've wasted scarce resources that should be used to limit the freedom of operation of the relatively small numbers of psychos who cause most of the harm, and to deal with them effectively when they commit crimes.

 

[VictorR]

Just a quick note that use of the website required one to upload a photo of themselves with photo ID, and their database was not secure and recently breached and users doxxed.

Women Dating Safety App 'Tea' Breached, Users' IDs Posted to 4chan

 

[Rocco]

I have no idea what you are saying or trying to say here.
What issues?
What is a dark triad and aspd?
What are you talking about?
I am genuinely confused to the point I feel like my brain just broke.

Except that the majority of those genuine issues are caused by people who are not deterred by any normal protective measure (Dark Triad, ASPD, etc).

Measures designed on the assumption that crimes in this space are mostly usually caused by normies usually fail to produce better outcomes, usually expensively. Meanwhile they've wasted scarce resources that should be used to limit the freedom of operation of the relatively small numbers of psychos who cause most of the harm, and to deal with them effectively when they commit crimes.

 

[Hypnalis]

I was commenting on the text I quoted, which is a low-level (and very common) example of an approach to safety and security in society that sounds good in the moment, but leads to bad outcomes.

"Make life a little more difficult for many people if there's even a small chance one person will be better off."

Sounds good. Almost never works. Consumes expensive resources that would be better deployed elsewhere.

In "The Simpsons" terms, it's the woman who says "Won't somebody think of the children" every time they have a town meeting to discuss some existential crisis /lol..

Take a look at Outdated's post #9 for a concise and accurate description of the risks, and one sensible way to handle it (i.e. based on that post, this kind of App is illegal in Australia).

The first couple of paragraphs of the wikipedia articles on "Dark triad" and "ASPD" are sufficient to explain them.

They're relevant because IRL the vast majority of crimes like SA are committed by a small minority.
It's definitely not spread evenly across the population.
It's not 10 000 people, 1000 crimes
It's 10 people, 1000 crimes

Within that minority, they function like professional criminals so they'll be using fake names, and an App like this one will not catch or even deter them.
Policies that don't take this into account, and instead target the 10 000, are not effective - they're easily evaded by the 10.

And along with not working, they waste scarce resources that could be deployed far more efficiently to deal with the toxic minority (the 10 really bad eggs).

BTW: this post covers one smaller part of a larger principle:

Unjustified demonization of a large subset of a population leads to bad outcomes.

It follows that any rationale for large-scale demonization needs to be questioned.

 

[Hypnalis]

Breaking news /lol.

XX-limited app that allowed and indeed encouraged women to anonymously doxx and libel men without consideration for accuracy or consequences hacked and data published !!

Users frightened and enraged at losing their anonymity, and being exposed for their malicious gossip!!

Mainstream media claims, without any evidence, that these negative consequences for the innocent users of the app have been caused by alt-right misogynists due to their hate for all XX's.

Meanwhile saner voices are pointing out that the hack is doing almost exactly the same thing to the XX users of the app that those users were doing to their XY victims.
Way that "almost"?
The hack contains only accurate information, while the app allowed anything to be posted, which means it's 100% certain that some of it was inaccurate and malicious.

BTW this isn't a joke. It's become mainstream news, and should be easy to find.
If not I have a link.

 

[thejuice]

The irony.

 

[Rocco]

So because a few men might have been wrongly slandered… it is ok to dox thousands of women trying to protect each other from psychos and abusers?

 

[Hypnalis]

So because a few men might have been wrongly slandered… it is ok to dox thousands of women trying to protect each other from psychos and abusers?

A few men? You're using a version of exaggerate/embellish/weaponize, except with "minimize" instead of exaggerate.
IRL you'd expect the numbers of XX stalkers/doxxers and the numbers of their XY victims to be more or less equal.

Note that if only really bad behavior was doxxed you'd get way fewer XYs. But that's not how malicious gossip works. You actually expect to get massive "over-targeting" of normie XYs.

Anyway it's clear you're not actually participating, so we're at an impasse. Let's end our dialog here.

 

[grommet]

I think the idea of an app for women to alert other women not to date "bad boys" would be interesting to see how effective it would be. Apparently dating apps have resulted in a small percentage of men being pursued by a large percentage of women. It's presumed that in many of those cases the women those men date aren't aware that the men are also dating a whole bevy of other women equally interested in them. You would think maybe women who find out and feel jilted would report the men: "Don't date him. He's a womanizer!"

However....the internet has made it more clear that a lot of women may say they don't like "bad boys" and instead want to date "nice guys" but they actually do exactly the opposite. Maybe some women would use that app as a way to FIND such men.

I saw a podcast once where a panel of female guests were asked to choose between the following two hypothetical choices:

"Would you rather be chosen by a prince to be a part of his large harem and live in his castle with all his other concubines or would you rather be married to a man and have a family with him even if that means potentially struggling to make a life together?" The majority of the young women on the panel chose being a member of a harem. There were maybe 8-10 young women on the panel and only two if I recall correctly said they'd want to be married and have a family. Point being, it seems to be the case that many women who know a man they desire is not monogamous/exclusive, don't actually care enough to avoid such men; the opposite.

When I was at social events being as nice as I could be I saw that every time it was the loud rude guys that the women talked to and smiled with. It felt discouraging.

I do not date now and I cannot think that I will again so I do not have the problems. I did not like dating. Very uncomfortable. Also I had tricks played on me. One woman kept saying we would have a date but she wanted it at an Italian restaurant. I found one then she said one with a fireplace. She kept doing that. I was confused. I tried very hard to find all the things she wanted. She finally told me she was never going to meet with me in person, just having fun. I was so hurt I never forgot it.

 

[Masked Man]

I think it's just easier these days to meet people in real life. Apps are clearly not the way to go. They may have had their heyday but they are compromised now.

 

[Coxhere]

Just noticed that people talk about it a lot. It is named "Tea Dating Advice". It's an app for women to talk about men they dated. Ideally it was supposed to be an app where women can tell one another not to date someone because he's abuser, married etc, so it was supposed to be a women supportive app. In reality it's the app where everyone can make an account and say whatever lie they want about any men.

I'm sure soon same app will appear about women.

Your thoughts?

Do you think there'll ever be such apps for sexual minorities, Tired?