Never masked that much

[Jordy]

Has anyone else never really masked that much at all? Maybe it goes with being a male on the spectrum, but aside from reminding myself to make eyecontact and be aware of personal space i don't mask a whole lot. I might remind myself to ask more questions or show interest instead of talking to much about myself but that's really it. And i don't do big stims in public only the small ones.

I saw some posts on a different forum where people where talking about masking their entire personality for years and having trouble unmasking.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I do not recall ever masking, self diagnosed gave always been just myself. Come from a fairly large family. some of the terms used in this forum I am still not completely familiar with.

 

[Matthias]

I think people mask because they are highly sensitive people who are trying to avoid feeling worse if someone says something about their autistic traits.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@phantom , I did what you did, except for easily making eye contact. But then, persevering to break out of my loneliness meant I needed to understand social convention and I studied and practiced. I didn't know anything about ASD then, and I saw what I did as being true to a self that disliked constrictions that I placed upon myself.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I do not recall any body saying anything about my autistic traits. Guess I'm not easily offended.

 

[Jordy]

@phantom , I did what you did, except for easily making eye contact. But then, persevering to break out of my loneliness meant I needed to understand social convention and I studied and practiced. I didn't know anything about ASD then, and I saw what I did as being true to a self that disliked constrictions that I placed upon myself.

Maybe i got a bit lucky in having an easier time to make eyecontact than most people with asd. I am not sure what the difference between masking and learning social skills would be tho.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

When I had my stroke, I had to see a speech therapist, nothing wrong with my speech. She had to face me toward to door as I am a compulsive reader she was the one who was too distracted. She Had to go for walk with my wife before she could start the session. What really Got to her was when she asked me question I always gave her unorthodox answers, correct to the question, just not what she expected. My wife sat in on the sessions, yes this is who he is, not typical. If their is multiple ways of seeing something, I will see the perspective every one else missed, or should have seen.

 

[Luca]

Considering that I didn’t really know the actual definition of masking until pretty recently, it wasn’t something I was too aware of. I don’t think I really did it a lot.
Being myself all the time did open me up to a lot of bullying though because most people found me weird :/
So maybe I masked more as an adult than as a kid. But it isn’t a frequent occurrence.

 

[dragonfire42]

What I do is not masking, really, but hiding. I don’t show the “real me,” but I have nothing to put up in its place. Regardless of what I do or don’t do, it seems obvious to others that there’s something “off” about me, so I both consciously and unconsciously learned how to avoid drawing any attention to myself at all, positive, negative, or neutral (even unknowingly conditioning myself out of coughing as any sort of reflex or anything, because the noise would make people look at me). So I’m basically invisible as far as anyone else is concerned most of the time. I don’t even know how not to do it anymore. But maybe that’s for the best since I spend most of my time in social/public settings partially or completely shut down from overload anyway. I’m usually able to hold off meltdowns until they become shutdowns instead (which others don’t notice since I’m essentially not there anyway) and redirect stimming to things that are less obtrusive, which is beneficial in that.

 

[Thinx]

Yes the simplest way to mask is to watch and listen but not actively join in. This means people don't notice one is different mostly. I am good at invisibility in public places. I think I probably learnt this observer role very early on.

I also found that learning social skills only took me so far, as if I try to interact more in unstructured social situations I am not easily able to. I think this is due to a processing delay, maybe other things like avoiding eye contact.

In a more structured situation where I have a role I am usually fine. Tho like @Ronald Zeeman I am not typical and sometimes come over as odd zany and off the wall. Whatever off the wall means.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I think masking is related to stigma and trauma. When people call you out on your "odd behaviour" some can be very spiteful about it. Thus, some people try and blend in. But that is exhausting and can be detrimental to health & wellbeing.

Ed

 

[FlowerFlo]

I have days where i mask even if im alone, and ohter days i dont mask at all. I started to mask when i started to question my diagnosis, i didn't want to be different. I got quite good at it, but its hard to control.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I am of the thought that everyone has a different life situation, and there are times that masking is appropriate for certain social interactions (especially if you are in a professional position and are a company representative),...and there are times when you can let your brain relax and be yourself. I think life experience will tell you when to mask and when not to,...and everyone has a different life experience. All of this sounds quite nebulous,...and it is. I've made my share of mistakes with it. I've been good at masking, I've been bad at masking, and I've been myself when probably I shouldn't have, and I've been mentally exhausted and was unable to mask. To each their own.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Maybe i got a bit lucky in having an easier time to make eyecontact than most people with asd. I am not sure what the difference between masking and learning social skills would be tho.

I think that masking is an involuntary reflex to protect one's self concept and learning social skills is a voluntary undertaking that affirms a positive self. Both take their toll, especially if one is significantly socially delayed, so I choose the path with a likelihood of a positive outcome.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes l mask because l really shouldn't say what l really think. Like did you really ask me that question? Well let me ask you, why did the zoo let you leave today? Seriously, my mouth is dangerous, so l mask in order to live. It has gotten easier.

 

[Suzette]

I only self identified as asd this year. I never considered I was "masking". But I absolutely had to figure out how to get by in the world. Everytime I figured out how to hide a little but better I thought of myself as "growing up and learning to be better". (I thought I was mentally ill). I have only realized I was actually masking

 

[Fino]

I primarily mask in work situations.

 

[OnyxM]

Has anyone else never really masked that much at all? Maybe it goes with being a male on the spectrum, but aside from reminding myself to make eyecontact and be aware of personal space i don't mask a whole lot. I might remind myself to ask more questions or show interest instead of talking to much about myself but that's really it. And i don't do big stims in public only the small ones.

I saw some posts on a different forum where people where talking about masking their entire personality for years and having trouble unmasking.

Been masking my whole life and now it's getting a toll on me

 

[danjustlovescoffee]

What I do is not masking, really, but hiding. I don’t show the “real me,” but I have nothing to put up in its place. Regardless of what I do or don’t do, it seems obvious to others that there’s something “off” about me, so I both consciously and unconsciously learned how to avoid drawing any attention to myself at all, positive, negative, or neutral (even unknowingly conditioning myself out of coughing as any sort of reflex or anything, because the noise would make people look at me). So I’m basically invisible as far as anyone else is concerned most of the time. I don’t even know how not to do it anymore. But maybe that’s for the best since I spend most of my time in social/public settings partially or completely shut down from overload anyway. I’m usually able to hold off meltdowns until they become shutdowns instead (which others don’t notice since I’m essentially not there anyway) and redirect stimming to things that are less obtrusive, which is beneficial in that.

Many of us hide. Masking is for the experts.

 

[danjustlovescoffee]

I primarily mask in work situations.

Any examples?