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Needing Some Aspie Opinions

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by 2010Dolby, Mar 4, 2012.

  1. 2010Dolby

    2010Dolby Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I feel like a horrible person. Ill shrink the story down...

    Four years ago my mother was cheating on my father with man X. After it became an open issue and my mother and father filed a divorce, I obviously wanted man X to die. I literally wanted him dead. Six months later man X gives me a good job in a high-end construction company. He and I began working together, going to co-worker parties, blah blah blah. So I begin to think, "Obviously I love my father, but I think its ok if hang out with this other guy too."

    A few months later man X goes to prison (entirely different issue). While he is in prison my father dies and my mother finds yet ANOTHER man. Ugh. The new man (man Y) is a good guy. He and I go hunting and fishing together. I have no problem with him at all. This guy never had an affair with my mother betraying my father, so hes cool in my eyes.

    Man X recently got released from prison. Hes getting a fresh start, another chance at his former job, and our boss purchased him a cheap truck for transportation. Man X is genuinly good guy. He made bad choices but never hurt anyone. He stole things for money to feed his meth addiction. I realize many people dismiss addicted individuals as "criminals" but I dont believe that.

    While in prison he lost his girlfriend (my mother) and many friends. I feel so much sympathy for him. He needs positive influences and reliable friends. Well, my question is,

    Does wanting to help the man that so greatly disrespected my dead father make me a terrible son?

    I want him to stay clean from drugs, productive at work and his community, and stay out of trouble. But if I help him, I feel that I hurt my dad. If I hold this grudge, then Im worried he'll slip back into the methamphatimines.

    This entire thing just makes me want to stay permanetly blacked-out drunk...
     
  2. kg4fxg

    kg4fxg Well-Known Member

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    2010Dolby

    I am sorry to hear what you have been through and I don't know how I would react. First, it is clear that you loved your father and I don't think being friendly with man X or Man Y will disrespect your father. He will always be your father and no one can ever replace him. Your mother may have made poor choices but there could be issues that you are unaware of as relationships are very complicated. And you can't control her, who she dates and marries. Right or wrong it is not something you really can influence or change.

    Don't feel bad, enjoy all three men especially the memories of your Dad. No one will replace him but I am sure there is good in Man X and Man Y. I am sure your Dad would want to see you be happy and I am sure there is good in all of them.

    B
     
  3. Flinty

    Flinty Off Indefinite Hiatus, I Guess V.I.P Member

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    Not at all. Helping people should be encouraged by a mother. Period.
     
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  4. Gomendosi

    Gomendosi Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Okay bloke, seriously, kudos on wanting to do the right thing…
    Its easy to see man X as the bad guy cause of the family thing but its much harder to let it go and be, now, helpful to a man in need, your old man could only be proud of you that you can do that.
    If I was in your shoes I would simply enjoy hanging with these two fellas as they both sound like they could teach you a thing or two and maybe even vice versa. I’m sure your mum would tell you if you asked her, that your dad would have been proud to have raised a son capable of compassion as well as being a tough as nails construction worker, and besides, man X gave you the good job so maybe was trying to make amends from the start?
    You’ve already made up your own mind mate, you just needed confirmation it is the right thing to do and not a ***** move LOL





    PS; At the risk of sounding like a ***** myself, maybe if you help him stay off the drugs he can help you cut down on the drinking ; ]
     
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  5. Spinning Compass

    Spinning Compass Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    First of all, how stable are YOU emotionally and mentally? I'm not saying that you should or should not help this person, but you need to go into this with your eyes wide open. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have wanted to help someone only to find myself in a situation I was not prepared to handle.

    My advice is don't try to do it alone. What he needs is a community around him that understands his problems, otherwise the chances are very good that he will slip back into his former way of living and possibly drag you down with him. There are lots of support groups out there for drug users; is he interested in checking them out?
     
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  6. 2010Dolby

    2010Dolby Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Thats something Im glad you mentioned. Im respectful to my mother, but Ill always have a bit of anger towards her about her affair. And while Im wasnt focusing on me with this post, thank you very much for those words :) very comforting.

    Compass: I usually read your blog so I know you positively and negatively question the Christian faith. Im assuming your like me in the philosphy that whether God does exist or doesnt, living a lifestyle that would please a higher power is a good way to live. Well Im a believer and he is too. He isnt the "I found religion while in prison!" type of believer, hes attended church most of his life. So I believe that Man X has a solid moral backbone to base a new life off of. (Not offending non-believers, just stating that he tries to live by the good book)

    Gomendosi: Thanks a lot man! Yeah, I kinda knew what I should do the entire time. I just wanted a bit of input and confirmation that it truely is the respectable thing to do. And he's already lectured me about my heavy drinking :p I kinda had an epiphany on Sunday though. I haven't drank in about 36 hours! :D although, the thing I dont like is I think Im feeling a bit of withdrawal symptoms. Its almost like a flu. And I have this very edgy/caffeine/irritable feeling. Like when I go to long with a cigarette. If this is really alcohol withdrawal then wow... I let the drinking get a bit to far.