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Need advice. Help please :)

Judge said:
LOL...never mind my discovering from my mother that I didn't talk in sentences until I was four years old! Just another piece of the puzzle I had for many years, but never gave it any thought.
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It's funny how parents forget these things, it wasn't until I was going through the diagnosis process my mum realised the same thing although at the time she attributed it to me being the youngest of three and my older siblings speaking for me.
 
Judge said:
Well, the issue of a formal diagnosis has it's own set of drawbacks. Then you have to think of the possibilities and probabilities of discrimination and entitlements relative to the degree of one's own autism. It gets very complicated depending on the legal jurisdiction involved. That's one inherently frustrating dynamic here, that more often than not while we can share our traits and behaviors...how our societies deal with them legally and ethically can be quite eclectic.

Although self-diagnosed, I see no advantage to be gained presently from seeking what would likely be a very expensive process to be formally and properly diagnosed by a psychiatrist or neurologist.
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I had to fight to be allowed to get a provisional license in sweden due to my diagnosis that I'm an aspie. I was called after a job interview and offered the job although the offer was quickly withdrawn when I explained it hadn't come up but that I was an aspie. I've also been dumped by a person I was dating because I have told them I am an aspie (not actually because of my behaviour but because he Googled AS and decided I was broken and unfixable.
 
Sigh! I deleted my first post on getting dumped....to much heartache it....I will never understand why some people play such cold hearted games with other peoples hearts.

My view now is dump me, (please), if I am not your cup of tea....I don't want to fall in love with anyone who can't value me properly!

I hide nothing on the autism, it is a great tool to sort out intolerant bad people from my life.

Keep the good apples:redapple: :)...:eek::greenapple: toss the rest.
 
hazybabe said:
I had to fight to be allowed to get a provisional license in sweden due to my diagnosis that I'm an aspie. I was called after a job interview and offered the job although the offer was quickly withdrawn when I explained it hadn't come up but that I was an aspie. I've also been dumped by a person I was dating because I have told them I am an aspie (not actually because of my behaviour but because he Googled AS and decided I was broken and unfixable.
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That's really not fair. Why wouldn't you be as capable if not more as anyone else to do the job. (Angry face)

That guy sounds like a jerk! His loss :)
 
Maelstrom said:
Sigh! I deleted my first post on getting dumped....to much heartache it....I will never understand why some people play such cold hearted games with other peoples hearts.

My view now is dump me, (please), if I am not your cup of tea....I don't want to fall in love with anyone who can't value me properly!

I hide nothing on the autism, it is a great tool to sort out intolerant bad people from my life.

Keep the good apples:redapple: :)...:eek::greenapple: toss the rest.
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Sadly there are some cold-hearted people out there. Some people just use you and toss you aside with no thought for how it makes you feel. You just have to learn from them and move on. Just remember they're the ones who are not good enough for you, not the other way round.
 
Oh his message this morning is driving me mad. 'With all my love' it's like half a sentence. It makes no sense to me. I'm at the airport, sending you some love would make sense but just 'with all my love' makes none.

Does it make sense to anyone?
 
Lilybell said:
Oh his message this morning is driving me mad. 'With all my love' it's like half a sentence. It makes no sense to me. I'm at the airport, sending you some love would make sense but just 'with all my love' makes none.

Does it make sense to anyone?
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His intent makes all the sense in the world.

Focus on substance- not form. Otherwise most anyone on the spectrum may drive you nuts. Focusing only on how something is said as opposed to the message itself...that's an alien concept for many of us.
 
Judge said:
His intent makes all the sense in the world. Focus on substance- not form. Otherwise most anyone on the spectrum may drive you nuts. Focusing on how something is said as opposed to the message itself...that's an alien concept for many of us.
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So what is he saying?
 
Lilybell
I was thinking 'form follows function.'

Sending 'some love' would be an odd way
to end a letter. Sending "all my love" seems
pretty self-apparent.

He is sending love toward you, I would
guess.
 
We're autistic folk. We tend to interpret things literally.

Going both ways. What we receive, and what we give.

Without deep or cryptic meanings behind everyone word.
 
Lilybell said:
Exactly why it makes no sense to me.
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Basic tenet of autism. We aren't the best at communicating things to another human being. If you want Henry Kissinger for a significant other, that's just not us.

You have to consider your significant other's frame of reference- not just yours.
 
Lilybell said:
Oh I didn't read it like that. I was too busy trying to work out why I had half a sentence.

Silly me. Well that's really rather lovely them :)
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Simple word of advice.

STOP! You'll drive yourself crazy and him running away from you if he picks up on your attempting to parse everything he says exclusively from a Neurotypical perspective. You simply cannot do that with us or there will be fireworks. The kind you want to avoid.

And yes, that's a tall order for anyone to defy their own instincts. But that's what you must consider in this context.
 
Judge said:
Simple word of advice.

STOP! You'll drive yourself crazy and him running away from you if he picks up on your attempting to parse everything he says exclusively from a Neurotypical perspective. You simply cannot do that with us or there will be fireworks. The kind you want to avoid.

And yes, that's a tall order for anyone to defy their own instincts. But that's what you must consider in this context.
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I get you :)

I told him to have a safe flight. This was all in my head lol.
 
For you to project your frustrations so clearly here forces me to guess that you are also projecting them to him...which may also explain some of his actions and attitude towards you as well.

Yet he hasn't given up on you either. But you can't keep analyzing him purely from your own perspective. Unless you conclude that's all you are capable of. Which if the case, you really shouldn't try to sustain such a relationship.

In as much as he needs to become self aware of his neurological profile, you need to work on accepting that he has a different mindset when it comes to communicating with others in general. Challenging for sure, but you can be his "wing man"- and not his adversary. That's a cool social dynamic that a few of us are blessed to have. Perhaps some of them can chime in more on this.
 
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Judge said:
For you to project your frustrations so clearly here forces me to guess that you are also projecting them to him...which may also explain some of his actions and attitude towards you as well.

Yet he hasn't given up on you either. But you can't keep analyzing him purely from your own perspective. Unless you conclude that's all you are capable of. Which if the case, you really shouldn't try to sustain such a relationship.
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Yes I think you have a point. I probably am. Although, I would never say these things to him. This is a great way for me to get all my worries and thoughts out. But I do understand that I will be projecting some of that even if I don't say anything.

I think what I need to do, now that so many of you have suggested he's most definitely on the spectrum, is to accept that, instead of battling with the chance he's not and just being a jerk.

I need to educate myself more and you guys are doing such a great job in helping with that. I think I understand the need for space now and that's a biggy.

You'd make a great counsellor Judge ;-)
 
Lilybell said:
I think what I need to do, now that so many of you have suggested he's most definitely on the spectrum, is to accept that, instead of battling with the chance he's not and just being a jerk.
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We're still human beings though. I mean in all fairness that we can be jerks, regardless of our autism. It's not an excuse for truly bad behavior either. That's where it pays to focus on our intent...and that it is consistent regardless of how poorly we may communicate something.
 
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