Navigating Through Social Minefields

[HughG]

Is it just my experience, or is our communication as Aspies commonly misunderstood by almost everyone we talk to? And if this is just the norm for Aspies then why is it? Why do they completely misinterpret my intentions so often? What makes us communicate so differently

from NTs?

 

[nowwhat]

Navigate? Hah! I just run all over the place blowing everything up, and end up worm-crawling my limbless torso throughout the party, leaving a bloody trail of gore until someone takes pity on me and shoves me out the back door into the alley.

 

[WittyAspie]

Body language has a lot to do with it. I have learned how to read and even use some body language, but it takes a conscious effort. Nonverbal communication does not come naturally.

 

[xudo]

I just try to avoid social situations. The few friends I do have know what I'm like and are cool with it. My husband is also on the spectrum, so no problems there really. My parents are NT and always think I'm being too blunt or just downright rude about stuff. I've learnt to just ignore what they think, because I've explained it to them too many times to count.

 

[clg114]

I think that WittyAspie is right about our communication issues. Not recognizing nonverbal communication is a big problem in face to face,social communication. All of that hand gesturing, facial expressions, voice tones and so on, go right over my head. That is why I have a tendency to take things that are said to me literally and say just what I mean.

I do not do well in social situations and usually avoid them unless I am with my wife. Then I just follow her lead, do not say much and try to be pleasant as possible. I am just trying to not embarrass her. I am usually seen as different and pleasant enough.

 

[LostInSilentHill]

I am not sure about others, but I know I often have the exact words in my head but I can't make them come out right. Also, people expect conversation to be so fast! I have to think about what someone is saying and then think about how to respond but by the time I do, people have moved on or gotten annoyed. So I just blurt out something and it's not what I want to say and people get angry sometimes. It's very confusing.

 

[Aster]

I am not sure about others, but I know I often have the exact words in my head but I can't make them come out right. Also, people expect conversation to be so fast! I have to think about what someone is saying and then think about how to respond but by the time I do, people have moved on or gotten annoyed. So I just blurt out something and it's not what I want to say and people get angry sometimes. It's very confusing.

I am exactly like this. Coordinated speech is a rarity. I get very little practice in general because I tend to avoid it, so it's hard for me to say it's all because of my neurobiology when some could be a lack of experience. Can you attribute it either way?

 

[LostInSilentHill]

I am exactly like this. Coordinated speech is a rarity. I get very little practice in general because I tend to avoid it, so it's hard for me to say it's all because of my neurobiology when some could be a lack of experience. Can you attribute it either way?

I get a fair bit of practice with talking to people, but it still is difficult. I think it is mostly neurobiological in nature.

 

[HughG]

I am not sure about others, but I know I often have the exact words in my head but I can't make them come out right. Also, people expect conversation to be so fast! I have to think about what someone is saying and then think about how to respond but by the time I do, people have moved on or gotten annoyed. So I just blurt out something and it's not what I want to say and people get angry sometimes. It's very confusing.

 

[HughG]

I've recently discovered what I believe may be a contributing factor.

Ever since childhood I've never really understood how to make conversations or verbally respond to people. I like to write because it's like thinking out loud. It takes me more time than most people to think about what to say, so I stammer and get mental blocks when I talk to people. But when I write, everything just flows like water. Since I think primarily in pictures, movies, cartoons, diagrams & 3D models, sometimes in my mind I can see what I want to say, but between my brain and my mouth I can't get the words to form. This even happens when I'm at home talking to God in private, if I try to use my mouth. But of course not if I just pray silently in my heart.

 

[Erin]

I am not sure about others, but I know I often have the exact words in my head but I can't make them come out right. Also, people expect conversation to be so fast! I have to think about what someone is saying and then think about how to respond but by the time I do, people have moved on or gotten annoyed. So I just blurt out something and it's not what I want to say and people get angry sometimes. It's very confusing.

Yes I can relate to that. It bothers me because I think that when I speak I sound less intelligent than I am

 

[MrSpock]

I agree with WittyAspie for sure, body language/facial expression is a big factor. We also tend to view emotions differently - Recognizing Autism and Emotion in Brain Scans - thanks to Peatsmoke for posting the link in response to a post of mine.

Also we seem to be missing the wiring that most people have for social cues, although again this may be due to the absence of the body language and differing emotional conception. Lately I have often been misinterpreted because I have had hints directed at me, however they fail to find their target in the hoped for manner. I fail to react as expected, and the absence of reaction or difffering reaction is taken as a response to the intent of the hint as opposed to the actual effect of the hint.

Also we're different. Some people just react negatively to those they see as being different. Some will seek to gain social status by making fun of someone they're capable of doing that to, and if they see that someone has little confidence in themselves in social situations then that person can be seen as an easy target. It's difficult to have this confidence when we're aware of the disadvantage we're at but unaware that we can do much about it.

 

[Ylva]

Logically, if they are so good at reading body language, they are well aware of what we mean and just heckle us for their own amusement.