Nasty, Horrible Parents of Autistic Youth

[Yeshuasdaughter]

In my apartment building, there is a couple who are raising a severly autistic teenage son. This boy seems to be more disabled than some children with cerebral palsy that I have known. He seems to not understand where he is or what anyone else is doing. Poor boy seems trapped inside himself. Any small change, like even walking through a door, is met with screaming and crying.

The parents of this boy, I think, have sort of exacerbated the problem. They are awful. Super trashy attitude. Their response to their son's disability is if he screams to just leave him behind. Remember, this is a severely mentally disabled boy. So imagine, being trapped inside yourself, unable to communicate. And your parents walk into the elevator without you and close the door. They seem to think it will make him wise up and stop crying. But all he does is panic and scream and clutch his hair in distress. It's terrible to see.

You need a key fob to get into the building. Often, if the boy is resistant to going through the door, the parents will just walk in the buiding and pull the door closed behind them, locking the boy outside. To which he panics and pounds on the door, crying and pleading (wordlessly). They leave him like that for several minutes, while they talk trash on their own son. It is sick.

I've spoken up and said that I am autistic, and that I can sort of understand what he's going through. The parents just roll their eyes. And it's like that with the extended family too. Their answer to his disability is to try to toughen him up. It never, ever, ever works. All it does is make him afraid.

I hate it. I'm one millimeter from calling child protective services. I never snitch on people. But this family, golly, they are disgusting.

 

[Forest Cat]

It sounds terrible, poor kid. It was upsetting to read this, he must feel so bad so often.

 

[Rodafina]

This is horrible. Awful for you, too to be witness to it and somewhat helpless because it is so taboo to interfere with others' children.

How sad for this boy.

I hate it. I'm one millimeter from calling child protective services. I never snitch on people. But this family, golly, they are disgusting.

I have mixed feeling about calling, having worked on the other side of the phone... it doesn't always go perfectly. Nevertheless, I wouldn't consider it snitching. I would consider it protecting the boy.

You need a key fob to get into the building. Often, if the boy is resistant to going through the door, the parents will just walk in the buiding and pull the door closed behind them, locking the boy outside. To which he panics and pounds on the door, crying and pleading (wordlessly). They leave him like that for several minutes, while they talk trash on their own son. It is sick.

This is child endangerment and neglect. Heartbroken for this boy. Maybe you should call. What would it take to push you that one millimeter over the edge?

 

[Rodafina]

I am a mandated reported, and based on what you have described, I would be required to make the call. You know better about the specifics of the situation, though.

Spoiler: Mandated Reporter

Standards for Making a Report
The circumstances under which a mandatory reporter must make a report vary from State to State. Typically, a report must be made when the reporter, in his or her official capacity, suspects or has reason to believe that a child has been abused or neglected. Another frequently used standard is the requirement to report in situations in which the reporter has knowledge of, or observes a child being subjected to, conditions that would reasonably result in harm to the child.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

If the kid was able to read you could gift him a book on autism. You could do that too if you find some member of the family with a more open mind.

Its Sad that those things happens.

 

[Gerontius]

Just call cps already

 

[Rodafina]

I never want to call either as it is not a beautiful, magical solution that whisks abused children away from their horrible homes into a land of rainbows and puppies.

Nevertheless, the evidence is before you and this child sounds like he is in living hell. He is in two protected categories as a child and someone with a disability. He may need services now that will help him later in life as he is probably not getting much based on what you've shared.

It is horrible that you have to be privy to this and those awful parents have made your life worse too, simply having to witness how they treat him. This boy cannot be left alone, outside, locked out. Not even for a moment.

 

[330]

@Yeshuasdaughter

This is horrible. I feel bad for that child . I am pretty callous to a lot of things . But seeing children in pain mentally or physically , especially on purpose I just can’t handle it.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Sad. When having children people need to recognize that the little one they create may not be perfect and they must deal with it.

In my application to be a Big Brother, I indicated that I would be OK with a child with Level 1 ASD. While with any child I know my influence is likely to be less than his parent and peers, I hope that I can gently guide him to have confidence in himself and make the best of his abilities.

 

[Aspychata]

That's tough to stomach. I know calling doesn't fix everything. But the parents are clearly lost. No amount of hints or clues will get them to change. They would be charged with child neglect in some places. Protect yourself also, that they don't target you if you do call.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I never want to call either as it is not a beautiful, magical solution that whisks abused children away from their horrible homes into a land of rainbows and puppies.

Limited budgets and high turnover is common. My spouse, a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate), is frequently the only consistent person in childrens lives in the foster care system. She is charged with representing the interests of the child to the court.

 

[kat1234]

My siblings and I are all autistic. But my little brother is severely mentally disabled as well and my parents would NEVER do something like this! He could literally get kidnapped or run away! If he is having a lot of behavioral problems, talk to a doctor or something just to get help and possibly see a counselor or something. My little brother sees a counselor and she has helped a lot. Even if the boy can't communicate, at least insight could be offered.

 

[1ForAll]

If I had to guess, based on knowing how our youngest ASD child was/is, who has similar issues, that child likely not only has impatience issues regarding waiting for the elevator and from the key delay in opening the other door too, but he may fear the elevator because of the sensory issues there (the beeping, and the sound and movement of the elevator before getting in it and when in it and/or because of the conditioning of fear from knowing he will be locked out of those doors or be alone dealing with that extreme stress from those prior painful neglectful experiences, etc.

Although I have no problem with the op calling CPS thus there, if that child was truly purposefully locked outside of the door(s) and left behind, as besides the trauma the child there faced, a harmful stranger could snatch up the child if even a minute out of view. But please focus on the details and other variables involved and not jump to quick conclusions about everything based on intense emotion or lack of extra information given. I mean, the parents may give a different side to the story and say you are exaggerating or say that this was an isolated incident or say you did not understand the complete situation.

So if you have any proof (audio or hidden camera) that may be given more weight, or if you can cite several specific incidents that showed harmful intent, neglect and/or abuse that is even better to get some lasting beneficial action. Like, if you also have neighbors of theirs hear yelling and screaming at the child often, or if you notice any abuse marks on the child that could help the investigator as well, to name a few. It is unlikely the child would be taken out of the home otherwise, for two incidents like that, if reasonable explanation or different side of the story is given, unless other abuses or longer patterns were found. Yes, monitoring could occur and some treatment or relief be pressured or mandated, but let's not assume that will be long term. Be aware although some parents could be motivated to do better after CPS involvement, even if the charges or investigation seemed without foundation or premature, other parents may harm the child more due to those extra dragged-out intrusive monitoring and frustrations or from being in denial or blaming the child for that intervention.

The assumption that social service professionals will do the right or fair thing for such CPS cases is often not true too. They may have either have tons of cases and gravitate to the ones with the most harms, leaving some abuse cases to be not looked into, or close the other cases too quickly due to not enough funding or time there. Or in the other extremes, the CPS people may have their own stress, conditions and issues, or assume harmful things happening for all cases when complaint is made, when the evidence is not there, or if it was unreliable source or with some bias and thus drag things on needlessly if they assume guilt before innocence or assume what they heard was true because of extra bias or paranoia there. This can cause the most well-meaning or innocent parents to feel unfairly stressed and victimized and more willing to hide even the slightest of things from professionals involving them or the child that they feel professionals could misconstrue, if not worsen their moods and conditions, worsening the situation.

Also, please understand that although CPS thinks they can hide the complainant's information, often the nature of the complaint can reveal the source. Thus, for those parents who feel they were unfairly investigated or charged, or in the opposite case those abusive parents who did wrong but were caught, expect that one who filed the complaint to be eventually be found out by the one being investigated and soon be on the defensive somehow too, especially if that other did not attempt to fairly get more details first before filing the complaint or try to see if they could have tried some other approach to get a solution that would have been better. Some parents, yes, won't change for the better and they see nothing wrong with their neglect and harmful actions. Those parents I hope get investigated and action gets taken. I'm just saying be careful though, as most adults on the forum here could have meltdowns or done actions such that had government been aware of such, they could have assumed some harm coming from you.

Remember, most of these CPS/APS persons may not understand certain behaviors, conditions or situations, wanting to treat you like neurotypicals or have you act like one, if not treat you like a criminal from day one without being open minded there.

 

[Progster]

This is abuse and should be reported. Such a severely disabled child should never be left on their own, not to mention the emotional trauma it is obviously causing him.

 

[Misery]

Yeah, I'd say just call CPS as soon as you can.

It may not always work perfectly, but his parents dont seem to work *at all*. So, logically, there's a drastically better chance of things going well for him if CPS is involved.

 

[Metalhead]

Call CPS. I am also a mandated reporter, but I have nothing to report since I know no identifying details.

 

[Progster]

CPS = Child Protective Services.