Names

[Progster]

There is a time and place for everything. For a male attorney to call me Sweetie in the middle of a deposition is patronizing and I have effective means to stop it in its tracks. However, when an elderly person calls me a term of endearment, even if I don't know them, it does not bother me at all because it is commonplace and acceptable in the South, especially in rural areas.

How do you stop it? My problem is that I don't know when it is meant to be friendly and when it is meant to be patronising.

 

[Mary Terry]

How do you stop it? My problem is that I don't know when it is meant to be friendly and when it is meant to be patronising.

When male attorneys called me things like sweetie, honey, etc. "on the record" during a deposition, I immediately called them things like "honey buns sunshine" or "sugar darling baby doll" on the record. "On the record" means the official court reporter takes down those words verbatim and transcribes them into the written transcript of the deposition. The male attorneys did not want those demeaning names applied to them, especially when deposition excerpts are read to the judge or jury. They immediately got my point.

I started practicing law in the early 1980s when there were few female attorneys and a lot of denigration of females by male attorneys. I fought fire with fire and gave as good as I got. It was quite effective and I think earned me respect by the male bar. These days, female attorneys and judges are common and male awareness of the inappropriateness of such names is much higher.

 

[Pats]

This could be another area of discussion: Pet names.
Maybe I live even further south, but, hardly anyone uses those types of names even in casual
circumstances.

I've never been one to call someone a pet name or affectionate term name.
Such as honey, darling, baby, sugar, etc.
Always wondered about that.
Aside from perhaps that it is common in a certain geographical area,
does this affectionate name usage come natural?
Or is it just me that doesn't feel natural using terms of endearment?

How do others feel?

I can't do the pet names either - dear, honey, baby - they feel worse than calling them by name. Nicknames aren't so bad - like Bunky, Spooky, Fuzzy (an uncle, a friend, a cousin). None of us ever had a nickname.

 

[Fino]

I wouldn't say "most families" but I don't have a large sample size.

I can't do pet names either! Even through text, it's weird!

 

[SusanLR]

I didn't have a large family to compare to either.
In the immediate family I did have a nick name for my Dad--Doo.
Don't know how or why I started calling him that. I was around age 14 when it started and
stuck through life. Still called him Dad, but, sometimes I'd say Doo.
Doo Dad? I really don't know.

No one else though and calling people you don't know or you do know pet sweetie type names is just not heard in the areas I've lived. West, Midwest and Florida.

 

[Fino]

I do add qualifiers to the names of people I like, I forgot about that LOL I'll use the name Bob as an example but don't know a Bob: Mr. Bob, Professor Bob, Doctor Bob, The Amazing Bob...

The funniest was when I called a friend Doctor "Bob" and he said, in what looked like genuine shock, "I don't remember getting my PhD!"