My personality

[Booze Zombie]

This is probably the strangest thing I'll ever utter in my life (I hope), but well it's very hard to escape this feeling like I don't have a personality anymore. I just sit there, not knowing what to say, seemingly having lost my creative spark when it comes to conversation topics, reacting and just getting lost in thoughts.

It feels like I lack substance and for the life of me, I can't tell if this is an issue of me, my condition or some other factor effecting me. I don't feel particularly alive, productive or interesting... perhaps that is the issue in and of itself?

I am unsure. Has anyone else ever been in this position?

 

[King_Oni]

I feel like what you describe... in "formal" situations. When I'm with for instance, my girlfriend, I'm all fun and games. It's where it's expected for me to not have "popculture" tourettes and actually think and consider valid choices and act responsible that I feel I'm unable to function.

I'm someone who think a great deal out of the box but feel limited in these formal situations. I can't keep track of it, especially when it's the forced type of formal (employment agency for instance). That same agency is also when I lack any real personality or drive; I just don't have this feeling that there's anything of "me" inside me. Maybe it's my fear of being rejected or being thought as a weird person. Maybe it's having this unwritten note of "weird person" to my name that'll haunt me for years. That's probably that same lack of substance and moral support I can't give myself in any way. And clearly the more people act all tough and aren't willing to be calm and relaxed (and preferably to make me at ease, rather than to purposely put me on edge), the less substance I actually have. It's tiresome... especially if you feel this overcoming feeling coming over a few days ahead already.

I think it's partially condition, but with that, it's the way you process things and how things are in fact being presented (and thus how you process the presented situation). It's hard to label it only on condition or situation (or anything else)... you can't see any of these contributing factors in a vacuum to single out things.

 

[Booze Zombie]

I feel like what you describe... in "formal" situations. When I'm with for instance, my girlfriend, I'm all fun and games. It's where it's expected for me to not have "popculture" tourettes and actually think and consider valid choices and act responsible that I feel I'm unable to function.

I'm someone who think a great deal out of the box but feel limited in these formal situations. I can't keep track of it, especially when it's the forced type of formal (employment agency for instance). That same agency is also when I lack any real personality or drive; I just don't have this feeling that there's anything of "me" inside me. Maybe it's my fear of being rejected or being thought as a weird person. Maybe it's having this unwritten note of "weird person" to my name that'll haunt me for years. That's probably that same lack of substance and moral support I can't give myself in any way. And clearly the more people act all tough and aren't willing to be calm and relaxed (and preferably to make me at ease, rather than to purposely put me on edge), the less substance I actually have. It's tiresome... especially if you feel this overcoming feeling coming over a few days ahead already.

I think it's partially condition, but with that, it's the way you process things and how things are in fact being presented (and thus how you process the presented situation). It's hard to label it only on condition or situation (or anything else)... you can't see any of these contributing factors in a vacuum to single out things.

I think my emptiness, I can identify. I feel empty because I cannot generate spontantious conversation at present, I feel unable to present a personality to the world, like someone with no hobbies, intellectual wonderment, curiosity or... well, anything they do outside of sitting there trying to talk to that person at the time.

It's like I get trapped in moments now...

 

[Christian T]

I also experience this. In certain social situations, or even when I'm reading or watching something that I feel should be inspiring, but doesn't have that effect on me, I find that I'm extremely passive, boring, unimaginative and basically a sheep. If a conversation doesn't really inspire me, or if I can't quite keep up with it, I find myself doing very little more than making listening noises, and nodding and affirming what the other person is saying. One person will make a point, and I agree with them because of the perfectly packaged way they present the argument, but then I'll agree just as much with someone else who presents an opposing argument.

I feel like a stupid fool, especially when I'm in the company of people I really like, but can't come up with anything to say to them. I just can't yak on about something for the sake of it, all my conversations really need to have purpose to them.

That could be an aspie thing, of not being too crazy about socialising, so whenever I chat with other people, it needs to be about something worthwhile. If not, I prefer reading, watching television or other solitary activities.

To try to help you, Booze Zombie, I would say that it's probably due to societal rejection of your hobbies, interests, opinions and general personality which subconsciously make you reluctant to share them, and have trained you to be a homogenous humanoid that offends no one, but doesn't interest anyone either.

This is why I only really like talking to people that I can really express myself to, and with whom I'm not stuck making inane comments about the weather.

 

[Booze Zombie]

I also experience this. In certain social situations, or even when I'm reading or watching something that I feel should be inspiring, but doesn't have that effect on me, I find that I'm extremely passive, boring, unimaginative and basically a sheep. If a conversation doesn't really inspire me, or if I can't quite keep up with it, I find myself doing very little more than making listening noises, and nodding and affirming what the other person is saying. One person will make a point, and I agree with them because of the perfectly packaged way they present the argument, but then I'll agree just as much with someone else who presents an opposing argument.

I feel like a stupid fool, especially when I'm in the company of people I really like, but can't come up with anything to say to them. I just can't yak on about something for the sake of it, all my conversations really need to have purpose to them.

That could be an aspie thing, of not being too crazy about socialising, so whenever I chat with other people, it needs to be about something worthwhile. If not, I prefer reading, watching television or other solitary activities.

To try to help you, Booze Zombie, I would say that it's probably due to societal rejection of your hobbies, interests, opinions and general personality which subconsciously make you reluctant to share them, and have trained you to be a homogenous humanoid that offends no one, but doesn't interest anyone either.

This is why I only really like talking to people that I can really express myself to, and with whom I'm not stuck making inane comments about the weather.

My goodness, you've hit the nail on the head rather well. He who doesn't offend doesn't interest either.
Well hot damn, I guess lack of self-respect and self-worth can really do some terrible things, I better get myself sorted out!

Thanks for your help and I relate to a lot of your experience there, nobody's really alone out there.

 

[Geordie]

I don't care whether people like my interests, or not. I will just do whatever I can. Don't I just have one life to live?

But it's just me

 

[Ylva]

I find myself responding very strongly to expectations. My solution is to spend time around people who expect me to be myself, and in whom it is not difficult to create good expectations. (It's not that I can't "act" when I need to, it's just that unless I have a very firm resolve on what to do or say in advancce, it is nearly impossible not to bow to their expectations.)