My parents think im faking my symptoms.

[Fino]

It was suggested to me not so long ago that when I didn't understand something that was supposedly obvious, that my explanation of it possibly being down to my AS was an excuse. I told the person who made the comment that I found it quite insulting, I've never once used my difference as an excuse for anything, though it can be a legitimate reason.
Their reply was: "Well if I was autistic I'd use it as an excuse all the time. I could be as rude as I wanted or play dumb when it suited me and It'd be the perfect 'get out of jail free card' wouldn't it?"
To which I could only reply: "You're not autistic whilst I am, and it would never occur to me to use something like that as an excuse. If that's one of the differences between people like me and people like you then it's one I'm glad of."

To be fair, I'm sure some of us DO use it as an excuse from time to time, but I know I never have and I'd be surprised if many of us had done so regularly.

I don't even directly think of it as caused by autism. When I don't understand something supposedly obvious, which is often, my thinking is that my intelligence is not in that area. Autism may be defined as a lack of intelligence in that area, but that feels once-removed to me. My excuse is often something like, "oh, I'm not good with stuff like that."

Imagine the guy is like, "Wow, excuses. If I wasn't good at something, I'd use it as an excuse all the time."

Same thing.

 

[Autistamatic]

The "thing" I'd misunderstood was one of a decidedly social nature rather than something with an internal logic I could relate to

 

[Fino]

That fear of a sense of entitlement.

Holy moly!! I've never been able to describe what one of my brothers has always done! That's exactly it! Thank you!

 

[Judge]

Holy moly!! I've never been able to describe what one of my brothers has always done! That's exactly it! Thank you!

I believe also that it's indicative of the polarized politics and ideologies of our time. That it has certainly exacerbated and compounded the neurological divide.

 

[Fino]

Entirely new ideas! I'm so excited!

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

From the information here, you didn't say anything wrong. She did. She should be posting on a forum somewhere and talking about how she can't say the right thing. Remember that other people can be wrong, too. That might sound obvious but I've struggled with that too.

It seems that my mother only sees my sensitive hearing as the autistic trait I have because neurotypicals stim, too, as she says she taps her foot a lot. But I have many other traits. She's just worried that I might use Autism as an excuse, but I'm worried that she might accuse me of doing it. It's already frustrating dealing with stuff I don't understand, and she has to point it out at me. But if I say, "I'm sorry, but you know I'm autistic.", she would probably say that its no excuse.

 

[Fino]

It seems that my mother only sees my sensitive hearing as the autistic trait I have because neurotypicals stim, too, as she says she taps her foot a lot. But I have many other traits. She's just worried that I might use Autism as an excuse, but I'm worried that she might accuse me of doing it. It's already frustrating dealing with stuff I don't understand, and she has to point it out at me. But if I say, "I'm sorry, but you know I'm autistic.", she would probably say that its no excuse.

"Everyone does that" is my biggest pet peeve when it comes to any condition or illness. She should find a cancer patient and tell them that everyone has pain. The fact that she taps her leg doesn't mean it isn't a feature of autism.

I can't really relate to this whole thing about interacting with your parents and telling them things you're thinking or feeling, so maybe someone else can be more useful. I would just not talk to her, but I can't tell if that's awful advice or not.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

"Everyone does that" is my biggest pet peeve when it comes to any condition or illness. She should find a cancer patient and tell them that everyone has pain.
The fact that she taps her leg doesn't mean it isn't a feature of autism.

I can't really related to this whole thing about interacting with your parents and telling them things you're thinking or feeling, so maybe someone else can be more useful. I would just not talk to her, but I can't tell if that's awful advice or not.

Oh ok.

 

[Autistamatic]

It's quite true that a lot of the behaviours associated with ASD are also exhibited by some NT people, but the reasons behind them are usually very different.
AS & ASD are defined by having a significant number of behaviours within a particular set of criteria. Having all or most of them puts you on the spectrum. NT people may well experience some of the things we do and they will certainly occasionally behave in ways that are similar to us, but they do not experience the world the same as we do, nor do any two Aspies experience the world exactly the same as each other.
You cannot legitimately write off an Aspies stimming because you see NT people tapping their feet or having a facial tic, any more than you can compare someone with a foul mouth who curses every other word to someone with Tourettes.
Just because something looks superficially the same on the surface it doesn't then follow that it's the same underneath.


This is not a handbag, it's a cake:

This is not a cake - it's a handbag:

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

It's quite true that a lot of the behaviours associated with ASD are also exhibited by some NT people, but the reasons behind them are usually very different.
AS & ASD are defined by having a significant number of behaviours within a particular set of criteria. Having all or most of them puts you on the spectrum. NT people may well experience some of the things we do and they will certainly occasionally behave in ways that are similar to us, but they do not experience the world the same as we do, nor do any two Aspies experience the world exactly the same as each other.
You cannot legitimately write off an Aspies stimming because you see NT people tapping their feet or having a facial tic, any more than you can compare someone with a foul mouth who curses every other word to someone with Tourettes.
Just because something looks superficially the same on the surface it doesn't then follow that it's the same underneath.


This is not a handbag, it's a cake:

This is not a cake - it's a handbag:

But how would I be able to explain that to her? I can't even get my words out.

 

[Autistamatic]

You could write it down maybe? Or find an online article or short video that describes the same and get her to read it?
If it comes to it you could even take a couple of screen grabs of posts on here that explain what you want to say and show them to her.

 

[Moomin]

My parents think I’m faking my symptoms and they were like you never used to act like this . You have the diagnosis you don’t need to do anything to prove you have autism . This is so not true and it’s frustrating .

Is there anything that could have caused my symptoms to have become exzasparted in the last several years? I need an explanation for my parents because I can’t control my behaviors however much I would like to. And I do remember hand flapping in high school or even earlier but it’s true my symptoms have become exasperated .

Do you think that ABA therapy will help ?

I was diagnosed as a teenager. My dad was fully supportive and understanding. He wasn’t surprised. And I guess its helped that he also has traits, so he’s able to give help sometimes when he feels like he can. My mother however was in denial . That I didn’t used to do this and that, that the diagnosis was not true, that I had a diagnosis now so I don’t have to keep proving that I have something...

It was a very mixed up and difficult time. And of course upsetting and frustrating to the point that I almost pushed myself to doing something that would have been a permanent ending for me. To be accepted by one parent but not really by another. I think what helped my mom to accept overtime was time. And the ability to come in with me during certain therapy sessions alongside my dad (and sibling if they did want to go too). She was given materials to review and research. We attended specialized support groups.

I understand now why she had difficulty accepting it. It’s not easy for some people, especially parents to accept that their child is not like everyone else. That’s not to say that you’re weird or anything like that, but parents worry for their child and any potential opposition that they might face if “labeled” differently. When you’re diagnosed , or at least in my case, my mom started to notice more of my traits. I think she felt guilty that she had missed them when I was younger.


I’m not saying that your parents are correct. It is a difficult situation with a lot of emotions. Both parents would benefit from some form of therapy.

Of course, my traits are also a lot worse when I’m out of practice or have dealt heavily with anxiety or an emotional distress situation...

Most importantly, how are YOU handling your diagnosis?

 

[GrownupGirl]

Every time I hear the letters ABA I just cringe. I've read *some* people have claimed it helped them, but it sounds really horrible to me because I've read about them forcing people to act "less autistic", punishing them for having meltdowns or stimming, and telling them they should be happy and smiling all the time, even when they feel completely miserable. If people treated an NT like that many people would go nuts, but because the client is autistic it's supposed to be "therapy". Evil!

 

[Mycroft.Holmes]

Well, My father thinks I am evil mastermind that faked his autism. He thinks it was a carefully made plan because I am ''lazy''. I guess some people are never going to believe it. It can be quite tiresome but not really worth my time.

 

[Progster]

My mother is worried that I might start using my autism ad an excuse, and I was worried that she was gonna think that because I don't. Last night, I was just talking a little bit about when I was stimming my hands, and I said that thanks to my diagnosis that I knew why. Then my mother was confused on how that made sense. This is why I avoid talking to people. I can never say the right thing. And then I feel humiliated, being called out for it. It's mostly when I'm talking or just trying to have a conversation with my mother. I can't even get the right thing out.

Tell her, "It's not an excuse; it's an explanation".

 

[Autistamatic]

Every time I hear the letters ABA I just cringe. I've read *some* people have claimed it helped them, but it sounds really horrible to me because I've read about them forcing people to act "less autistic", punishing them for having meltdowns or stimming, and telling them they should be happy and smiling all the time, even when they feel completely miserable. If people treated an NT like that many people would go nuts, but because the client is autistic it's supposed to be "therapy". Evil!

Agreed - ABA is brutal. It appears to be using a similar technique on Autism as certain anachronistic efforts to "re-educate" gay people into being straight. It's Guantanamo Bay for Autistic people and it's positively medieval!

 

[FlowerChild]

Yet I read adult aspies talk about hand flapping a lot. Like it's something they feel they're supposed to be doing.

Is there anything that could have caused my symptoms to have become exzasparted in the last several years? I need an explanation for my parents because I can’t control my behaviors however much I would like to. And I do remember hand flapping in high school or even earlier but it’s true my symptoms have become exasperated .

I was not diagnosed until I was 24. At twenty-eight I finger flap every single day. I finger-flapped as a child. I was bullied for doing so by my peers. My family didn't 'bully' me for it, but they did point it out to me as if it was something note-worthy. I was very embarrassed at all the attention, so I learned to pinch my thumbs between my fingers and grind my teeth instead. As I went through school I 'naturalised' the suppression of this trait and no longer had to focus quite as hard on it. However, I also developed a lot of stress-related issues (IBS, migraine, etc.) that I absolutely believe were related to my forcing myself to 'look normal' 24/7. As an adult, when I was diagnosed, I felt SUCH relief at knowing why I finger-flapped.

I love finger-flapping now. I do NOT do it because I 'feel like I'm supposed to'. Rather, I masked and HID this symptom for YEARS because I knew that I was supposed to--it was a matter of survival to appear 'normal,' or face excruciating levels of bullying every day. While I still don't finger-flap in public, I do so at my desk at work (nobody can see me in my office), and at home. I also rock, pace, jump, and do lots of other things that I had previously trained myself not to do (I.e. if I don't feel like making eye contact, or speaking, then I don't force myself to anymore). My mental health is now better than it's ever been--I'm so much less exhausted by the constant pursuit of 'looking normal'.

From my family's perspective, this probably seems like I've 'suddenly got severe symptoms'. To me, it just feels like now that I'm diagnosed, I finally have permission to let them see who I've always been.

@swiftkitty - there is a WHOLE research topic and thousands of papers on this called 'masking' and/or 'camouflage'. It is very, very common for Autistic adults to feel an overwhelming urge to 'suppress' traits like stimming, force themselves to make eye contact and etc. Finally being diagnosed, they feel like they can 'take the mask off'. There is also a whole Twitter hashtag about that--I'd strongly encourage you to look through the posts as they may resonate with you. On Twitter look for #TakeTheMaskOff and/or #ActuallyAutistic

 

[Ezra]

I was not diagnosed until I was 24. At twenty-eight I finger flap every single day. I finger-flapped as a child. I was bullied for doing so by my peers. My family didn't 'bully' me for it, but they did point it out to me as if it was something note-worthy. I was very embarrassed at all the attention, so I learned to pinch my thumbs between my fingers and grind my teeth instead. As I went through school I 'naturalised' the suppression of this trait and no longer had to focus quite as hard on it. However, I also developed a lot of stress-related issues (IBS, migraine, etc.) that I absolutely believe were related to my forcing myself to 'look normal' 24/7. As an adult, when I was diagnosed, I felt SUCH relief at knowing why I finger-flapped.

I love finger-flapping now. I do NOT do it because I 'feel like I'm supposed to'. Rather, I masked and HID this symptom for YEARS because I knew that I was supposed to--it was a matter of survival to appear 'normal,' or face excruciating levels of bullying every day. While I still don't finger-flap in public, I do so at my desk at work (nobody can see me in my office), and at home. I also rock, pace, jump, and do lots of other things that I had previously trained myself not to do (I.e. if I don't feel like making eye contact, or speaking, then I don't force myself to anymore). My mental health is now better than it's ever been--I'm so much less exhausted by the constant pursuit of 'looking normal'.

From my family's perspective, this probably seems like I've 'suddenly got severe symptoms'. To me, it just feels like now that I'm diagnosed, I finally have permission to let them see who I've always been.

I'm not talking about stuff people have done their whole lives. I'm talking about stuff people didn't do as a child or throughout their lives, but start doing, of feel like they should be doing, after reading so much about it.

Not that I am saying later diagnosed people are faking. I think it's more the chameleon effect and info overload regarding a complex and confusing neurological phenomenon. I have always known I am autistic and I have always found autism to be confusing. I actually have not read a whole lot of detailed analytical stuff about it because of that. I myself don't want to be influenced too much. But that's me. Maybe I am projecting myself onto others.

You make a very good point about masking. Where once someone finds out they have autism and what they have been suppressing is actually normal and even beneficial behavior for them, decide to let loose and let their mind and body do what it wants/needs to do. So it's not like all of a sudden they started doing whatever. But rather all of a sudden they stopped suppressing whatever.

 

[Mia]

Yet I read adult aspies talk about hand flapping a lot. Like it's something they feel they're supposed to be doing.

My husband has been hand flapping throughout our marriage when he's stressed or anxious. Before he was diagnosed I didn't know what it was. Now what he does it has a name.

 

[Progster]

I flap my hands and always have done, but not in the soothing/comforting/self-stimulation way that old documentaries show autistic people doing - I do it when I'm over-excited and over-stimulated - I also dash from one side of the room to the other, like I have too much energy or something. It's involuntary - it takes over my mind and body and hard to stop - I'm not aware that I have done it until the impulse has gone and I stop. I don't know whether it's an autism thing or not, but I don't know of any NTs who do it, even in private.