My Parents Don't Allow me on Discord, for OTHER People's Langauge

[Joshua the Writer]

[IDK where else to post this. You can correct it if needed.]
Apparently, I am no longer on Discord. Wanna know why? My parents spied on my Discord account and noticed that I was in several servers where people where using r-rated language. I'm 16, not 6. I'm also only half a year away from being allowed in R-rated movies and purchasing M-rated games from Gamestop on my own. I don't understand why they stopped allowing me on Discord just for that silly reason. They're being overprotective.

They also don't allow me to watch YouTube on the computer for that same reason. I'm not a small child. I'm mature enough to handle explicit language. As long as there is no offensive slang said, I am completely fine with it. I'm not overly sensitive to it like they are. I also don't even use it, myself.

I wonder why language OTHER people use in servers I'm in would be an actual concern. It's not like everybody was using vulgarity every sentence they said. In fact, they overly exaggerated it. They see/hear the f-wordonce in something I am reading or watching, and they freak out and tell me to turn it off/close the site. I don't get it.

Also, I have several friends who I can contact ONLY through Discord. They basically removed access from those friends. I brought that up and they told me, "So?" They pretty much sound like they don't care about me not being able to talk to my good friends. I also have my own Discord server. Yes, I do have mods, but, since I am the server owner, they rely on me to make major decisions.

I don't get how this is rational in any way. What can I say to change their mind?

 

[UberScout]

Those kinds of people will not change their minds. I know this cause my guardians, my uncle and aunt, were the same way. They always told me "it doesn't matter" when I told them I've been around that language before, but they didn't care. I can remember binging somebody's animation series when it was up on YouTube, and just because it had the tiniest speck of blood in it, that was criteria enough for it to be banned from viewing.

Then I had to explain to them that these were fictional settings, nothing in these little cartoons people made was actually real, and if there was something based off real life stuff, the animation was trying to deliver an exaggerated message for it that was intended to be funny. The use of swear words, blood and gore, alcohol (even if it was a fictional drink), or the appearance of scantily clad women or characters, even drawn the wrong way on purpose, were supposed to add to the effect of comedy.

I'd spend hours trying to convince my aunt Dorothy that this was the case, and that everything about it was actually really benign. But she wasn't having any of it. Her priority was to hide me from everything and anything she thought I wasn't ready for. EVEN WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO BECOME AN ADULT.

There's not much you can do to change their minds. If they're how I think they are, they're going to stick to their beliefs. Just do what I did and do everything in secret, until you're able to move out. And if they spy on you again, put a password on everything. Change your discord password every day, adding symbols and grammar marks to your password so it's harder to guess. If you're desperate, us a virtual machine. That way there won't be any traces of what you did on the real machine.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

Those kinds of people will not change their minds. I know this cause my guardians, my uncle and aunt, were the same way. They always told me "it doesn't matter" when I told them I've been around that language before, but they didn't care. I can remember binging somebody's animation series when it was up on YouTube, and just because it had the tiniest speck of blood in it, that was criteria enough for it to be banned from viewing.

Then I had to explain to them that these were fictional settings, nothing in these little cartoons people made was actually real, and if there was something based off real life stuff, the animation was trying to deliver an exaggerated message for it that was intended to be funny. The use of swear words, blood and gore, alcohol (even if it was a fictional drink), or the appearance of scantily clad women or characters, even drawn the wrong way on purpose, were supposed to add to the effect of comedy.

I'd spend hours trying to convince my aunt Dorothy that this was the case, and that everything about it was actually really benign. But she wasn't having any of it. Her priority was to hide me from everything and anything she thought I wasn't ready for. EVEN WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO BECOME AN ADULT.

There's not much you can do to change their minds. If they're how I think they are, they're going to stick to their beliefs. Just do what I did and do everything in secret, until you're able to move out. And if they spy on you again, put a password on everything. Change your discord password every day, adding symbols and grammar marks to your password so it's harder to guess. If you're desperate, us a virtual machine. That way there won't be any traces of what you did on the real machine.

I've heard much more language thrown around by middle schoolers than in any of the YouTube videos I've ever watched. You'd think I was going to an Australian middle school by how much my classmates were swearing. Parents have to realize that kids will be exposed to inappropriate language no matter what they do.

 

[Fino]

As for the part about OTHER people using it, it has to do with exposure. It'd be like concern over violent movies. The fact that it's not your committing the violence isn't part of the issue.

As for anything else, I can't explain much. Are they aware your classmates use this language? I could understand this if you were 13 or younger, but my parents were pretty strict about these things up until I was about your age then they stopped caring entirely.

 

[Judge]

You're not saying anything most of us have not already encountered when it comes to a widespread use of profanity.

But in this case the only thing that really matters is the authority of your parents and you as a minor and a dependent. Where it's "their way or the highway" with little else to seriously contemplate. I've never heard of anyone with parental authority who considered it a form of democracy.

Basically unless you're a reincarnation of Henry Kissinger*, I'd say you're "SOL". Oops.

* Kissinger being a small Jewish boy caught on the streets by Nazis where he literally talked his way out of a beating. Smart kid. Smart man.

 

[BrokenBoy]

So can you still access Discord or is there something that prevents you from clicking on discord.exe? Just ignore your parents and do what you want.

 

[Judge]

So can you still access Discord or is there something that prevents you from clicking on discord.exe? Just ignore your parents and do what you want.

If his parents are already micromanaging his life to this extent, resistance to it will probably just intensify their intrusiveness. Parents can be relentless- even obnoxious about their perception of "protecting" their own kids.

I remember my father giving me a bad time about something I said in front of my mother...even though I was 21 at the time! Go figure...

 

[Misery]

Point out that your classmates use it. Like, really dig that point in. And then keep digging it in more.

Because what'll they do? They can ban you from Discord, but they wont ban you from school. This produces a bit of a parent logic paradox. How can they really enforce such a silly idea? And how can they seem like a good authority figure if they only half-enforce something? That's the conundrum they'll have to deal with.

I know I would have hit my mom with that one the moment I thought of it. "Yeah, mom... what do you think of THAT? What's it gonna be? Back to Youtube? Or no more school? WHAT'S IT GONNA BE????"

I would have kept this up until she finally broke.

Incidentally, the "family" computer was pretty much just mine after not too long. Granted nobody else knew how to use it anyway and there was no internet, but still.


You know what's really sad about it though? For most parents, it's not REALLY about their kids using it. It's not like it hurts the kids to swear, after all. And they know full well that pretty much all adults will do it... they're fully aware that "protecting" you from it wont ACTUALLY stop you from doing it as an adult. Instead, it's about OTHER people seeing their kids using such words. Oh noes, these other idiots might think we're INEFFECTIVE parents because our children make this series of grunt noises that we arbitrarily decided forms into a "bad" word! OH NOES!!!! You can see this in action, if you ever watch a kid drop an F-bomb in front of their parents' friends. THE first two things the parent will do: 1. Look at the kid in surprise, and 2. Look at their adult friends to see what their responses are and how disapproving they look. Same with it happening in front of strangers. It's ridiculous.

In other words.... it's YET ANOTHER one of those "gotta look good for the idiots! They might not like us otherwise!" sort of thing that so many people do, even those who are otherwise very smart and nice. Ye gods, do I hate that. Gotta FIT IN even if it makes others miserable. Bah.

So can you still access Discord or is there something that prevents you from clicking on discord.exe? Just ignore your parents and do what you want.

Or do that.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

We have sort of the opposite problem, and if some others here or in society do not understand, it’s ok, as we still will follow our beliefs and practices, as we make all our decisions in life after much careful deliberation, and as after seeing the pros and cons of all pathways and views, with research if need be too. Regarding this type of situation, our decision is final.

We have a 10 year old son who we allow to not only search YouTube, but to be on YouTube to show his music and game playing narration videos which makes him happy. Of course we are aware of what things he searches, and of course certain sites that are “overrun” with bad language and characters we won’t allow. And we do not post through video private things. We are not lenient parents nor authoritarians, but fair and caring parents.

Age is just a number we feel. There are many 10 year old children with the intelligence and maturity of an older person, and likewise many 20 year olds, for instance, with the maturity of a small child. We look at each child’s personality, intelligence, maturity, desires and needs. We are not trying for our older child to grow up too soon, but not sheltering him either.

As well, we believe that if parents have raised their child well, such that great communication occurs between the parents and their son or daughter, and if that minor is well mannered through parental teachings too, and mentally strong, and if the parents are good role models and the family relationship built on trust and love, then being around an occasional bad influence, that should not harm that minor.

Your parents may mean well, and will set rules as they see it, but I just feel they seem a bit selective and protective. I do not know the situation fully to say more. I just know parents cannot shield children and minors from all wrongs. It happens daily in life, and you will see that in other environments too. There are posts here in this forum that are not perfect. Indecent dress, bad language, harmful behaviors and poor manners are everywhere. You cannot escape it.

As long as your behavior did not change for the worse by viewing such sites, and if the parents raised you right, I see no problem with such. Even if your parents were not good role models, or were hypocrites in any less than perfect language or behaviors, then it would seem like they were being wrong to shield you from things they themselves feel entitled to.

In our case, we disabled the comment section on his YouTube Channel, but allow our child to show his video creations. People can just choose to pick like, dislike, his singing, and subscribe if they wish, too. Our son initiated his desire to be seen this way, after seeing other children do the same. He feels it helps motivate him, builds his self esteem, and helps create more social and employment opportunities, if not now, then later.

As our child is very polite, mature, positive and to be trusted to tell us things, with little to no behavioral concerns, and communicates daily greatly with us regarding everything, we do not worry about those mostly child sites he searches. We see everything he likes, and yes one or two sites he visited had a brief episode of slang, and he tells us that. If possible, we direct him elsewhere, but if we see the benefits outweigh the positives, we are fine with such.

We thank him for his honesty and telling us things, and it is an opportunity for us to tell him then how much smarter, stronger and politer he is than them, for being open to us, and for not repeating that language and harmful things at home. People do not understand that learning comes from ALL people, and through bad times too. If genetics are not involved, we can choose to model or repel bad language, actions, and behaviors. It sounds like you know right from wrong, and seem mature and logical with your writing and thinking.

 

[BrokenBoy]

Also add me on Discord everyone I'm #2577 FBI Agent

 

[Misery]

We have sort of the opposite problem, and if some others here or in society do not understand, it’s ok, as we still will follow our beliefs and practices, as we make all our decisions in life after much careful deliberation, and as after seeing the pros and cons of all pathways and views, with research if need be too. Regarding this type of situation, our decision is final.

We have a 10 year old son who we allow to not only search YouTube, but to be on YouTube to show his music and game playing narration videos which makes him happy. Of course we are aware of what things he searches, and of course certain sites that are “overrun” with bad language and characters we won’t allow. And we do not post through video private things. We are not lenient parents nor authoritarians, but fair and caring parents.

Age is just a number we feel. There are many 10 year old children with the intelligence and maturity of an older person, and likewise many 20 year olds, for instance, with the maturity of a small child. We look at each child’s personality, intelligence, maturity, desires and needs. We are not trying for our older child to grow up too soon, but not sheltering him either.

As well, we believe that if parents have raised their child well, such that great communication occurs between the parents and their son or daughter, and if that minor is well mannered through parental teachings too, and mentally strong, and if the parents are good role models and the family relationship built on trust and love, then being around an occasional bad influence, that should not harm that minor.

Your parents may mean well, and will set rules as they see it, but I just feel they seem a bit selective and protective. I do not know the situation fully to say more. I just know parents cannot shield children and minors from all wrongs. It happens daily in life, and you will see that in other environments too. There are posts here in this forum that are not perfect. Indecent dress, bad language, harmful behaviors and poor manners are everywhere. You cannot escape it.

As long as your behavior did not change for the worse by viewing such sites, and if the parents raised you right, I see no problem with such. Even if your parents were not good role models, or were hypocrites in any less than perfect language or behaviors, then it would seem like they were being wrong to shield you from things they themselves feel entitled to.

In our case, we disabled the comment section on our YouTube, but allow our child to show his video creations. People can just choose to pick like, dislike, his singing, and subscribe if they wish, too. Our son initiated his desire to be seen this way, after seeing other children do the same. He feels it helps motivate him, builds his self esteem, and helps create more social and employment opportunities, if not now, then later.

As our child is very polite, mature, positive and to be trusted to tell us things, with little to no behavioral concerns, and communicates daily greatly with us regarding everything, we do not worry about those mostly child sites he searches. We see everything he likes, and yes one or two sites he visited had a brief episode of slang, and he tells us that. If possible, we direct him elsewhere, but if we see the benefits outweigh the positives, we are fine with such.

We thank him for his honesty and telling us things, and it is an opportunity for us to tell him then how much smarter stronger and politer he is than them, for being open to us, and for not repeating that language and harmful things at home. People do not understand that learning comes from ALL people, and through bad times too. If genetics are not involved, we can choose to model or repel bad language, actions, and behaviors. It sounds like you know right from wrong, and seem mature and logical with your writing and thinking.

See, this, this here makes sense to me.

I make jokes up above, but my parents were like this (still are to this day).

I remember when the game Mortal Kombat came out. Like, the very first one. Nobody had ever seen anything like it. All these characters getting ripped apart and blood flying all over the place! It was THE gaming-related controversy back then. Even most of the stupid controversies in that industry today, are nothing compared to how big that got. Parents haaaaaaaaated it. Alot of younger kids only played it if they managed to do it in a sneaky sort of way at an arcade.

I was allowed not only to play the original arcade version, but to also get a copy for myself when that inevitably showed up not too long after. Me... and my even younger brother... played it all the time.

It was all about, as you said, parents making individual decisions based on the traits posessed by their kids. They knew we could handle it, and they also knew that, inevitably, more of the same would be coming anyway.

And wouldnt you know it, here we are, both adults. My brother went from being the crazy wild child, to the most mature adult (and very recently, now a parent) I've ever known, and I'm still as quiet and calm as ever. Turns out things like blood/gore/swearing/whatever in media DOESNT ruin kids.


On a side note though... that bit about Youtube comments? Good job with that one. Those comments sections are like a freaking swamp full of dead rats. Did you know, there was a browser extension someone came up with once (long time ago, I doubt it's still around), that just took every word in the comments sections and replaced it with "herp" or "derp"? It was meant to sort of discourage the kind of anger felt when viewing the drivel often posted there by effectively just hiding it. It also hilariously made the comments sections seem MORE intelligent than they otherwise were.


EDIT: Okay, that extension IS still around. I suppose I shouldnt be surprised.

 

[Mia]

It's likely other things that they are concerned about as well. Lots of things happen on discord servers and on youtube that draw younger more easily influenced (no matter how intelligent) individuals in.

I've encountered people online who use pewdepie as an authority on politics. Incels who hang on every word that Elliot Rodger wrote as a mantra. Some incels are your age and older. There are sub-redditts full of hate and loathing for one group or another. But I don't think that you can be prevented from encountering some of these things, even without discord and youtube. There's the sexism of gamergate, the misogyny and anti-semitism of 4chan, along with many other occurrences online as well.

I think it's good that your parents are trying to protect you from these things, it means that they are concerned for your well-being. Yet they must also leave you to choose as well, with your ability for independent thought. It's possible that you could ask for some restrictions to be lessened, and they could compromise somewhat on their strictures.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

See, this, this here makes sense to me.

I make jokes up above, but my parents were like this (still are to this day).

I remember when the game Mortal Kombat came out. Like, the very first one. Nobody had ever seen anything like it. All these characters getting ripped apart and blood flying all over the place! It was THE gaming-related controversy back then. Even most of the stupid controversies in that industry today, are nothing compared to how big that got. Parents haaaaaaaaated it. Alot of younger kids only played it if they managed to do it in a sneaky sort of way at an arcade.

I was allowed not only to play the original arcade version, but to also get a copy for myself when that inevitably showed up not too long after. Me... and my even younger brother... played it all the time.

It was all about, as you said, parents making individual decisions based on the traits posessed by their kids. They knew we could handle it, and they also knew that, inevitably, more of the same would be coming anyway.

And wouldnt you know it, here we are, both adults. My brother went from being the crazy wild child, to the most mature adult (and very recently, now a parent) I've ever known, and I'm still as quiet and calm as ever. Turns out things like blood/gore/swearing/whatever in media DOESNT ruin kids.


On a side note though... that bit about Youtube comments? Good job with that one. Those comments sections are like a freaking swamp full of dead rats. Did you know, there was a browser extension someone came up with once (long time ago, I doubt it's still around), that just took every word in the comments sections and replaced it with "herp" or "derp"? It was meant to sort of discourage the kind of anger felt when viewing the drivel often posted there by effectively just hiding it. It also hilariously made the comments sections seem MORE intelligent than they otherwise were.


EDIT: Okay, that extension IS still around. I suppose I shouldnt be surprised.

Hello. Great to hear that you and your brother turned out very fine. Love true, nice stories like that. It balances out all the Chicken Little the sky is going to fall and crack the earth and everyone sink into anger or despair stories, that occurred from just letting children just search and have fun in their desired or needed reasonable growing ways....As for our choice not to allow the comments, yes, we soon realized that was not the way to go. The good snakes could probably have eaten the rats, but rather not have all that mess there..

 

[Ken S.]

From all I've read on this thread my parents were a "Horse of a different color/colour" They actually allowed me to make my own mistakes as well as encouraged me to make decisions for myself even from a young age. There were no computers or social media back then so that was never an issue. I instead spent my time exploring and reverse engineering mechanical and electronic devices. Over protective parents have more problems with rebellious children. Here is a link to one of the many pages on the subject. Why Children of Overprotective Parents Are Slated to Fail in Life

 

[Joshua the Writer]

So can you still access Discord or is there something that prevents you from clicking on discord.exe? Just ignore your parents and do what you want.

I usually use the web client. They blocked both discord.gg and discordapp.com. My sister can still use Discord on her phone.

I can't download the (official) .exe application unless somebody shared the file to me somehow.

 

[BrokenBoy]

I usually use the web client. They blocked both discord.gg and discordapp.com. My sister can still use Discord on her phone.

I can't download the (official) .exe application unless somebody shared the file to me somehow.

Oh ok I can send it to you. Check ur forum PM's.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

Point out that your classmates use it. Like, really dig that point in. And then keep digging it in more.

Because what'll they do? They can ban you from Discord, but they wont ban you from school. This produces a bit of a parent logic paradox. How can they really enforce such a silly idea? And how can they seem like a good authority figure if they only half-enforce something? That's the conundrum they'll have to deal with.

I know I would have hit my mom with that one the moment I thought of it. "Yeah, mom... what do you think of THAT? What's it gonna be? Back to Youtube? Or no more school? WHAT'S IT GONNA BE????"

I would have kept this up until she finally broke.

Incidentally, the "family" computer was pretty much just mine after not too long. Granted nobody else knew how to use it anyway and there was no internet, but still.


You know what's really sad about it though? For most parents, it's not REALLY about their kids using it. It's not like it hurts the kids to swear, after all. And they know full well that pretty much all adults will do it... they're fully aware that "protecting" you from it wont ACTUALLY stop you from doing it as an adult. Instead, it's about OTHER people seeing their kids using such words. Oh noes, these other idiots might think we're INEFFECTIVE parents because our children make this series of grunt noises that we arbitrarily decided forms into a "bad" word! OH NOES!!!! You can see this in action, if you ever watch a kid drop an F-bomb in front of their parents' friends. THE first two things the parent will do: 1. Look at the kid in surprise, and 2. Look at their adult friends to see what their responses are and how disapproving they look. Same with it happening in front of strangers. It's ridiculous.

In other words.... it's YET ANOTHER one of those "gotta look good for the idiots! They might not like us otherwise!" sort of thing that so many people do, even those who are otherwise very smart and nice. Ye gods, do I hate that. Gotta FIT IN even if it makes others miserable. Bah.

It's actually kinda ironic in my certain situation. I can play Counter-Strike: Global Offensive, a game which contains guns, blood, terrorists, counter-terrorists, C4 explosives, and hostages, but I can't even be exposed to even the weakest and most minor "bad" words. I even hear other players swear over voice chat, most of it in casual conversation, and rarely ever used in a toxic manner. I can also play Monster Hunter, where the "monsters" in that game are pretty much wild animals, but I can slice their tails off all I want. I am pretty sure that they'd allow me to play DOOM, which contains literal satan.

I'm also allowed to watch Tokyo Ghoul. My parents even let me buy a Tokyo Ghoul √A box set, which contained all 14 episodes of that season, all of which are pretty darn bloody. Heck, in the first episode of Tokyo Ghoul, there was one shot of Rize that was just straight-up fan service.

Yet I am not allowed to read or hear a single curse word.

 

[Aspychata]

l didn't snoop on my high school daughter. l felt it was safer to give her freedom then be the Gestapo police. If young people want to do something, they will do it with or without your knowledge. She had beers and wine at a certain age. But she didn't rush to the bar at age 21, she knew what it was. l saved her from going on a drinking binge and being taken advantage by some man because she had too much alcohol.

 

[Misery]

It's actually kinda ironic in my certain situation. I can play Counter-Strike: Global Offensive, a game which contains guns, blood, terrorists, counter-terrorists, C4 explosives, and hostages, but I can't even be exposed to even the weakest and most minor "bad" words. I even hear other players swear over voice chat, most of it in casual conversation, and rarely ever used in a toxic manner. I can also play Monster Hunter, where the "monsters" in that game are pretty much wild animals, but I can slice their tails off all I want. I am pretty sure that they'd allow me to play DOOM, which contains literal satan.

I'm also allowed to watch Tokyo Ghoul. My parents even let me buy a Tokyo Ghoul √A box set, which contained all 14 episodes of that season, all of which are pretty darn bloody. Heck, in the first episode of Tokyo Ghoul, there was one shot of Rize that was just straight-up fan service.

Yet I am not allowed to read or hear a single curse word.

Yyyyyep. And that sorta goes along with what I was saying: It's maybe not REALLY about you. It's about how you might make your parents look if you say the oh-so-bad stuff in front of people they know (or people they dont know). That's why bad words are HORRIBLE while violence or nudity in stuff only you are seeing (or specifically, are seeing when family friends and/or strangers arent around) is something they dont even care about even if they absolutely know about it.

Heck, I've seen Tokyo Ghoul (well, the first season anyway). That's a VERY gory series and it just keeps getting more bloody and depressing as it goes. That cant make the family look bad in front of anyone though, so it's not even a concern for a great many parents. Most dont seem to give a fart. Sure, let little 8-year-old Sally watch that monstrosity slowly and gruesomely rip that guy's face off. Just as long as it doesnt swear when doing so!

Really, the whole thing is so ridiculous. The part that bugs me the most is, it's not one of those parenting problems like, say, parents ignoring their 5-year-old in favor of checking facebook on their phone. Stuff like that is just bad, neglectful parenting. But stuff like THIS? It's not even a true parenting issue: It's society being a box of cat turds, same as always. Gotta keep up appearances in a specific way, because society says to. It's most depressing when I have to watch otherwise very intelligent, friendly people I know do the same bloody thing.

I've never understood why everyone would want to fit in with cat turds, but so darned many want it so freaking badly. I tend to think my lack of understanding is me having dodged a bullet. Or a cannonball. Or all of the cannonballs.

 

[Aspychata]

It's actually kinda ironic in my certain situation. I can play Counter-Strike: Global Offensive, a game which contains guns, blood, terrorists, counter-terrorists, C4 explosives, and hostages, but I can't even be exposed to even the weakest and most minor "bad" words. I even hear other players swear over voice chat, most of it in casual conversation, and rarely ever used in a toxic manner. I can also play Monster Hunter, where the "monsters" in that game are pretty much wild animals, but I can slice their tails off all I want. I am pretty sure that they'd allow me to play DOOM, which contains literal satan.

I'm also allowed to watch Tokyo Ghoul. My parents even let me buy a Tokyo Ghoul √A box set, which contained all 14 episodes of that season, all of which are pretty darn bloody. Heck, in the first episode of Tokyo Ghoul, there was one shot of Rize that was just straight-up fan service.

Yet I am not allowed to read or hear a single curse word.

l taught my daughter swear words. l said you don't want to say these words. They are frowned on. Then when a boy said it, she felt empowered, because she knew. (2nd grade)