M.Morozova
New Member
We're teens and something last week happened between me and my best friend after smoking some pot.. I got high but it wasn't a horrible trip. but my friend on the other hand got a bad trip and got paranoid.. and maybe I said things that I shouldn't have said if someone is in that state of mind to result in what we talked about later. (like I played along with what she was saying about her feelings at some point for example..)
Her bad trip just had all of her insecurities amplified and made more apparent and intense to her. She went through her entire book of insecurities I guess you can say in that 2 hours.
At one point we sat down, she looked at me and implored me 50x "Do you have empathy?"
No matter what reply I gave. It wasn't enough for her. Like I have no answer for that at all type of thing. She got really scared because she saw nothing in me.
A week later we meet again.
She says the truth comes out on weed (like saying a drunk hear speaks sober words) and asked me, now sober.
"So tell me do you have empathy?"
Like she told me I didn't take her seriously when she was high, which was sort of true and that I played along with some of what she said which made her scared. I apologized after, felt bad, kind of wanted to cry when she put me on the spot that but her real question was if I had empathy or not.
I honestly have trouble expressing my concern and my way of dealing with others emotions is to be very emotionally neutral and I kind of beat around the bush about it. It comes off as them not being taken seriously which it can be. Like showing empathy that a lot of teachers or parents have for kids "Awww sweety, don't worry." kind of tone or even like normal age-appropriate empathy would be the equivalent feeling of dread of showing my genitals in a public place. But yeah there's been times where I've come off as insensitive. I mean being autistic isn't really the only experience which defines how I react to negative emotions.
I tried giving something kind of casual but it sounded like bs like |I could not think of any answer at all. Like I went blank and detached myself.
The only thing that finally ended it was just to remind her I'm autistic and now I realize I have a problem and I thought everything was okay by now and I wonder why I was ever diagnosed in the first place but now I realize I have a problem. (Actually)
Maybe she forgot or didn't understand but that brought some closure to her. She's known for years though..
But part of me still feels kind of ripped off by the fact that she thinks being high brings a valid epiphany. She did it again with someone else and all the 'truth' came out with another person except it was more positive.
She's sort of the type of person who likes people who are more engaging with their environment and multifaceted, especially older people who seem to satisfy her more emotionally. She can experience moments of grandiosity where she gets so inspired and wants something totally ELSE and right now is not enough, this is good usually but it can get into your face annoying sometimes and it's kind of a turn off. Sometimes I don't say what I'm doing or what I did on the weekend because she might've wanted to self invite but not in a discreet way more like "omg can i come?? plz plz plz" //shakes my arm it's not like I ever did that or even ever got invited to join along with her friends once or twice?? I invited her to a couple things and never complained or begged her to add me in.
Me and another one of her friends are pretty quiet people sometimes, we were sitting on the metro during a weekend trip all together and later she told us after the other friend got sad because of an unexplained reason. She started asking us things like, "Why weren't you guys talking on the metro/bus?"
"Why don't you guys give a good reply to when I say something?"
I asked, "What would your other older friends do?"
"They would share a story, talk and stuff."
I feel like we aren't enough for her sometimes. Usually I do share stories and things. Sometimes when I see her it's just not my type of mood for that day. Other times I just can't relate or don't have the life experiences.
Plus 3 full days and night together, there are bound to be times where I don't feel like engaging with other people.
I feel like this has too do with my own personality, I'm a bit stand off-ish especially if someone is super eager. I can be mean sometimes idk.
Her bad trip just had all of her insecurities amplified and made more apparent and intense to her. She went through her entire book of insecurities I guess you can say in that 2 hours.
At one point we sat down, she looked at me and implored me 50x "Do you have empathy?"
No matter what reply I gave. It wasn't enough for her. Like I have no answer for that at all type of thing. She got really scared because she saw nothing in me.
A week later we meet again.
She says the truth comes out on weed (like saying a drunk hear speaks sober words) and asked me, now sober.
"So tell me do you have empathy?"
Like she told me I didn't take her seriously when she was high, which was sort of true and that I played along with some of what she said which made her scared. I apologized after, felt bad, kind of wanted to cry when she put me on the spot that but her real question was if I had empathy or not.
I honestly have trouble expressing my concern and my way of dealing with others emotions is to be very emotionally neutral and I kind of beat around the bush about it. It comes off as them not being taken seriously which it can be. Like showing empathy that a lot of teachers or parents have for kids "Awww sweety, don't worry." kind of tone or even like normal age-appropriate empathy would be the equivalent feeling of dread of showing my genitals in a public place. But yeah there's been times where I've come off as insensitive. I mean being autistic isn't really the only experience which defines how I react to negative emotions.
I tried giving something kind of casual but it sounded like bs like |I could not think of any answer at all. Like I went blank and detached myself.
The only thing that finally ended it was just to remind her I'm autistic and now I realize I have a problem and I thought everything was okay by now and I wonder why I was ever diagnosed in the first place but now I realize I have a problem. (Actually)
Maybe she forgot or didn't understand but that brought some closure to her. She's known for years though..
But part of me still feels kind of ripped off by the fact that she thinks being high brings a valid epiphany. She did it again with someone else and all the 'truth' came out with another person except it was more positive.
She's sort of the type of person who likes people who are more engaging with their environment and multifaceted, especially older people who seem to satisfy her more emotionally. She can experience moments of grandiosity where she gets so inspired and wants something totally ELSE and right now is not enough, this is good usually but it can get into your face annoying sometimes and it's kind of a turn off. Sometimes I don't say what I'm doing or what I did on the weekend because she might've wanted to self invite but not in a discreet way more like "omg can i come?? plz plz plz" //shakes my arm it's not like I ever did that or even ever got invited to join along with her friends once or twice?? I invited her to a couple things and never complained or begged her to add me in.
Me and another one of her friends are pretty quiet people sometimes, we were sitting on the metro during a weekend trip all together and later she told us after the other friend got sad because of an unexplained reason. She started asking us things like, "Why weren't you guys talking on the metro/bus?"
"Why don't you guys give a good reply to when I say something?"
I asked, "What would your other older friends do?"
"They would share a story, talk and stuff."
I feel like we aren't enough for her sometimes. Usually I do share stories and things. Sometimes when I see her it's just not my type of mood for that day. Other times I just can't relate or don't have the life experiences.
Plus 3 full days and night together, there are bound to be times where I don't feel like engaging with other people.
I feel like this has too do with my own personality, I'm a bit stand off-ish especially if someone is super eager. I can be mean sometimes idk.
