Aspie's Friend
Member
IMO, my best friend has Aspergers. She is amazing and brilliant but has different wiring. I bought up a few years ago and she freaked out emphatically declared she dow not have it and really got mad. So I dropped it for over a year.
She is battling depression and unable to change some traits that bother her so I looked for answers and felt she could really use help from others wired like her so I spent hours researching and thinking of how to bring it up again without upsetting her.
I am extremely ADD which I believe is a good thing with a bad label so I explained to her that labels of people that do not fit the norm can be gifts and talents- I believe she is VERY gifted and talented BLESSED with her different wiring.
So I brought it up again and gave her a quiz (she had no idea where it was going) answers yes to 98% of every question on female Aspergers quiz I asked her verbally (see below). Then shared how wrong labels can be but how useful it could be to help with her depression and broke it gently that it was Aspergers. I was so relieved and excited when it went well.....for about 20 minutes.
BIG MISTAKE. she took it OK until she had time to think then ran to computer to show me wrong. She accepts being Highly sensitive and found an article about highly sensitive and female Aspergers being similar so she must just be highly sensitive.
Then I got irritated that there is AN ENTIRE WORLD she can learn from and get help from all the things she complains about DAILY--but she does not like the label so she is rejecting it.
She argued some more so I blew up and told her some of her friends think she is insane (they do and I never told her before) so now I am crushed that I hurt her but still very irritated that she won't even look at the possibility.
Now I made it all 100% worse. Now she knows at least one friend thinks she is insane and I don't know if she will ever get over it.
Needed to vent I don't know if you can help.
Thanks.
__________________
QUIZ I gave her. Asked her to relate one to three. (3 she can really relate to)
She is battling depression and unable to change some traits that bother her so I looked for answers and felt she could really use help from others wired like her so I spent hours researching and thinking of how to bring it up again without upsetting her.
I am extremely ADD which I believe is a good thing with a bad label so I explained to her that labels of people that do not fit the norm can be gifts and talents- I believe she is VERY gifted and talented BLESSED with her different wiring.
So I brought it up again and gave her a quiz (she had no idea where it was going) answers yes to 98% of every question on female Aspergers quiz I asked her verbally (see below). Then shared how wrong labels can be but how useful it could be to help with her depression and broke it gently that it was Aspergers. I was so relieved and excited when it went well.....for about 20 minutes.
BIG MISTAKE. she took it OK until she had time to think then ran to computer to show me wrong. She accepts being Highly sensitive and found an article about highly sensitive and female Aspergers being similar so she must just be highly sensitive.
Then I got irritated that there is AN ENTIRE WORLD she can learn from and get help from all the things she complains about DAILY--but she does not like the label so she is rejecting it.
She argued some more so I blew up and told her some of her friends think she is insane (they do and I never told her before) so now I am crushed that I hurt her but still very irritated that she won't even look at the possibility.
Now I made it all 100% worse. Now she knows at least one friend thinks she is insane and I don't know if she will ever get over it.
Needed to vent I don't know if you can help.
Thanks.
__________________
QUIZ I gave her. Asked her to relate one to three. (3 she can really relate to)
- Feeling misunderstood: Feeling different or as if you come from another planet 3
- Deep thinker drawn to poetry. 2 (she said 2 but read me poetry weekly)
- Sensory overwhelm: Sight, touch, sound, hearing and sense of smell may be uncomfortably strong at times. 3
- Angry explosion meltdowns – may happen when triggered or feeling trapped. 3
- Crying meltdowns: After exploding in anger you may feel distraught and cry uncontrollably. 3
- Highly intelligent. 3
- Silent shutdowns – times when you can’t speak or socialize: Sometimes you want to get away from people and to be quiet until you are calm again. 3 (she said 10)
- Avoidance – not going places you imagine will be hard for you socially: situations you avoid out of the fear of being overwhelmed or uncomfortable. 3 (she said 6)
- Analyzes exhistance and the meaning of life constantly. 3 (she said 10)
- Hung up on communication: Improper word usage, grammar, people saying things that clearly contradict previously established facts or actions, etc. 3 (she said 10)
- Head person – logical person who thinks and analyses. 3
- Hard-working conscientious worker. 3
- Highly sensitivity: May be unable to watch horror, violence, disturbing movies, and news programs. 3.
- Pattern finder: Ability to connect the dots to come up with original ideas or ways of understanding people and the world. 3
- Open book: extremely open and honest. More open than people in general when feeling comfortable and accepted. 3
- Bluntness and directness: Favor literal and direct communication. You may be confused when people say things they don’t mean e.g. false politeness. 3
- 1 Being friends in the ‘normal’ way is either something that you can’t do or it is social behavior you had to learn by observing.
- Dissolving friendship boundaries: may be too clingy or bossy. 3
- 0 Awkward about social touch: don’t really touch other people or if you do you don’t really like it. (exception romantic partner)
- Serious and matter of fact in nature. 3
- Copies, mimics, acts in order to fit in. 1
- Tendency to take things literally: Has trouble with phrases like "bat out of hell” Confused about bats living in hell. (she said 1 but I say 10)
- Doesn’t take matters for granted.3
- Suffers with depression. 3
- May be clumsy or un-coordinated
- She may make it a high priority to arrange her life, events, work, and environment to avoid overwhelming, stressful or upsetting situations 3
- Extremely focused and dedicated to the things you chose to do or work on. 3
- May have a lengthy history of going to therapists, psychiatrists, psychologist. 3
- Mind going blank and empty when surprised or overwhelmed. 3 (she said, "everyone does")
- Often surprised when people tell her she has been rude or inappropriate
Repetitive eating habits : Chooses an eating plan for various health or personal reasons and then sticks with it (isn’t tempted to go off the diet like most people are). 3 - Makes funny noises – when comfortable the sounds you create carry meaning in communication. When feeling comfortable and accepted may make noises to express feelings in the moment rather than use words. 3 ("everyone does")
- Doesn’t like plans being changed unexpectedly. Lateness can trigger anxiety. 2
- Often have a rigid negative thinking, inflexible black or white thinking style or rogidity of thinking. 3
- Often gets lost in thought, blanks out. 2
- Feels everything is complex. 3
- Dislike trying new things: stressful. 3
- Difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty. 3