My diagnosis. TW: mention of a past attempt of suicide.

[andreaispunk]

So, I just got my autism diagnosis like 4 months ago. But I've been suspecting im autistic since almost 2 years ago.

I didn't talk about it. I was told I have depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD and BPD and I was talking meds and going to therapy. Still, i didn't felt good.

When I told my therapist and my psychiatrist they told me that i was able to look them in the eyes and that I had friends, so it wasn't possible (i have a total of 3 friends, two of them from half a decade and the other one for 9 years)

Finally, i broke and tried to end things. My dad found me and took me to the hospital.

During the after process i finally told my dad what I was feeling and begged him to take me with someone who actually knew about autism. We found a place and almost immediately we were told that in fact I was autistic.

I was really happy, relieved.

Now, my dad still doesn't believe it completely and doesn't try to really understand me. And my new therapist seems to ask me to keep masking.

But just knowing what I'm really am, and what I need has given me the opportunity to actually listen to myself, and be gentle and take better care of my needs, even if most people around me don't do it.

 

[wraith]

Suicide is never the answer. Don't do that.

 

[Rodafina]

It sounds like now you have a new chance at life. You can find the answers that make life more manageable, and start using tools and strategies that actually help someone like you, like me, and like us all.

We are here for you now to help you find those answers and see what solutions you have found, as well. Thank you for sharing your story here, and I hope that this new path you are on in life leads you to wonderful places.

 

[VictorR]

Sorry about your experiences.

Someone I know was also denied on similar grounds, in their case on the basis of having one friend.

 

[AspieChris]

I have been suicidal on and off for 40 years. When I was younger and undiagnosed, it was because I didn’t understand life. After learning I was on the spectrum, it was mainly because I was tired of trying to fit in. The whole thing is just so exhausting that I just want to give up sometimes. I don’t ever (usually) want to die, just to end the constant chatter in my head and nothing has worked. I never actually attempted anything but I have come really close 100’s of times.

I think we can all agree that ending it all isn’t a good choice. But there’s a lot of us on the spectrum who are just wanting to be done.

Andreaispunk It’s good to hear your story. It helps me to feel like I’m not alone. And you should know that you would be missed. NT’s just can’t understand how it feels to navigate this minefield that was created by them and for them, or they just want to believe that it’s a choice we’re making to be different. But it feels pretty awful to be told you’re fine when you’re not, to act ‘normal’ when you can’t, or that it’s all in your head when you know that it isn’t.

I wish I could lock some of the disbelievers in a dirty public toilet with screaming babies blasting in headphones that they can’t take off and just tell them to relax. I bet most of them would want to end it in any way possible after a while.

 

[Running Girl]

It was a relief for me too, to finally understand what's always been wrong with me. I agree that self care is super important. Sadly, many people misunderstand, judge, and interpret both my choices and sometimes my behavior in the worst possible light. I still have to do what works for me.

 

[andreaispunk]

It sounds like now you have a new chance at life. You can find the answers that make life more manageable, and start using tools and strategies that actually help someone like you, like me, and like us all.

We are here for you now to help you find those answers and see what solutions you have found, as well. Thank you for sharing your story here, and I hope that this new path you are on in life leads you to wonderful places.

Thank you for reading. Just bein ablo to express my thoughts is amazing.

 

[andreaispunk]

It was a relief for me too, to finally understand what's always been wrong with me. I agree that self care is super important. Sadly, many people misunderstand, judge, and interpret both my choices and sometimes my behavior in the worst possible light. I still have to do what works for me.

Im working on not depend on what people may understand or do for me. We all should be more open and empathic towards other people, but I can't live expecting them to adjust to me, cause not a lot of people would do that.
So its necesary for us as individuals to be the ones who take care of ourselves.

 

[andreaispunk]

I have been suicidal on and off for 40 years. When I was younger and undiagnosed, it was because I didn’t understand life. After learning I was on the spectrum, it was mainly because I was tired of trying to fit in. The whole thing is just so exhausting that I just want to give up sometimes. I don’t ever (usually) want to die, just to end the constant chatter in my head and nothing has worked. I never actually attempted anything but I have come really close 100’s of times.

I think we can all agree that ending it all isn’t a good choice. But there’s a lot of us on the spectrum who are just wanting to be done.

Andreaispunk It’s good to hear your story. It helps me to feel like I’m not alone. And you should know that you would be missed. NT’s just can’t understand how it feels to navigate this minefield that was created by them and for them, or they just want to believe that it’s a choice we’re making to be different. But it feels pretty awful to be told you’re fine when you’re not, to act ‘normal’ when you can’t, or that it’s all in your head when you know that it isn’t.

I wish I could lock some of the disbelievers in a dirty public toilet with screaming babies blasting in headphones that they can’t take off and just tell them to relax. I bet most of them would want to end it in any way possible after a wh

I have been suicidal on and off for 40 years. When I was younger and undiagnosed, it was because I didn’t understand life. After learning I was on the spectrum, it was mainly because I was tired of trying to fit in. The whole thing is just so exhausting that I just want to give up sometimes. I don’t ever (usually) want to die, just to end the constant chatter in my head and nothing has worked. I never actually attempted anything but I have come really close 100’s of times.

I think we can all agree that ending it all isn’t a good choice. But there’s a lot of us on the spectrum who are just wanting to be done.

Andreaispunk It’s good to hear your story. It helps me to feel like I’m not alone. And you should know that you would be missed. NT’s just can’t understand how it feels to navigate this minefield that was created by them and for them, or they just want to believe that it’s a choice we’re making to be different. But it feels pretty awful to be told you’re fine when you’re not, to act ‘normal’ when you can’t, or that it’s all in your head when you know that it isn’t.

I wish I could lock some of the disbelievers in a dirty public toilet with screaming babies blasting in headphones that they can’t take off and just tell them to relax. I bet most of them would want to end it in any way possible after a while.

I'm glad you are still here. We are not alone.
And finding places like this when we can be more truthful to ourselves I think it can be a great oportunuty to start healing

 

[AspieChris]

Self care is something we’re not good at. Others are happy to take and we usually want to give. I’m starting to recognize that it’s me who has the problem and I really need to do only what everyone else has done forever: work on what I need first, then them. But only if I’m completely finished with helping myself, and even then only if it brings me peace or happiness. I think this has been the root problem leading to my self-harm tendencies.