My close friend has Aspergers and it's been pretty hard

[lauraworsley09]

I am not on the spectrum, but my closest friend very much is. It has been very hard to cope at times with her, as she can be very clingy towards me, and I have many other friends and she gets upset because she thinks that I don't like her anymore or something. And her interest is very direct, I can't really seem to have a conversation about something else that I am into, because she seems to only care about he own interest. But I understand that she has Aspergers and it can make her the way she is.
But I love her a lot, and is extremely protective over her. As soon as she told me, she thought I would turn away from her but I would never do that to her. I see her for who she is not for what she has. She has very bad anxiety too... And she can be very mellow and sad at times.
But I am always here for her, even If I am not. I will keep on supporting my best friend even if it can be remotely tiring for me.
She may be annoying, but I don't really mind. But I just want to know, does her Aspergers affect her memory? She seems to forget at times a lot about things we already talked about and she brings up the same conversation starter that we had in the past. I just wish for the future that I will always stay strong and be there for her. Even if it's difficult, she means a lot to me. And I mean a lot to her, I am her closest friend.
I would believe that sometimes people who have friends with Aspergers give up on them after a while, but I will not. I have known her for 2 years and I hope it will progress longer. She can be hard to talk to as I can't exactly talk about myself, she just goes on about her own and things. Like I don't get a turn to speak. And she won't exactly listen to me either.
But I am trying, and I will always love her for being there.

 

[Meg12]

I am not on the spectrum, but my closest friend very much is. It has been very hard to cope at times with her, as she can be very clingy towards me, and I have many other friends and she gets upset because she thinks that I don't like her anymore or something. And her interest is very direct, I can't really seem to have a conversation about something else that I am into, because she seems to only care about he own interest. But I understand that she has Aspergers and it can make her the way she is.
But I love her a lot, and is extremely protective over her. As soon as she told me, she thought I would turn away from her but I would never do that to her. I see her for who she is not for what she has. She has very bad anxiety too... And she can be very mellow and sad at times.
But I am always here for her, even If I am not. I will keep on supporting my best friend even if it can be remotely tiring for me.
She may be annoying, but I don't really mind. But I just want to know, does her Aspergers affect her memory? She seems to forget at times a lot about things we already talked about and she brings up the same conversation starter that we had in the past. I just wish for the future that I will always stay strong and be there for her. Even if it's difficult, she means a lot to me. And I mean a lot to her, I am her closest friend.
I would believe that sometimes people who have friends with Aspergers give up on them after a while, but I will not. I have known her for 2 years and I hope it will progress longer. She can be hard to talk to as I can't exactly talk about myself, she just goes on about her own and things. Like I don't get a turn to speak. And she won't exactly listen to me either.
But I am trying, and I will always love her for being there.

You sound like an awesome friend!
Not sure if there's a connection with Asperger's and memory issues.... I've never heard that before. If she's on medication, that could possibly be the cause or something else completely!
Nice to read your post.... a lot of people do give up on folks with AS.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

But I just want to know, does her Aspergers affect her memory?

Some people with autism do have problems with short term memory, not major problems but it can be difficult to keep track of things from time to time. I think this is partly done to difficulties knowing what information is important, a lot of us do don't filter out what is important and what is waste.

 

[the_tortoise]

she brings up the same conversation starter that we had in the past.

This may be the only way she knows to start a conversation. Or it could just be the only way she can think of at the moment. Or it could just be it was a really successful conversation starter once so she keeps using it instead of trying other ones (I've done that....well, sort of. It became easier to remember than anything else because I had memories, eventually loads of them, of using it and having it work as a conversation starter.)

People with ASDs (Asperger's is an Autism Spectrum Disorder -- aka "ASD") often rely on scripts for some or all of what they say in conversation.

But I just want to know, does her Aspergers affect her memory? She seems to forget at times a lot about things we already talked about

It could also be that she isn't forgetting what you talked about, but she just has trouble processing or understanding it in the first place. It can be difficult or impossible to remember what someone said if you didn't really understand it at the time.

Or it could be that her brain isn't linking specific things you said (or things she said) to a different set of words or a more general category...For example:

If you told her, last week, about how you "made a black forest cake today" and then this week you mention "when I did some baking last week" her brain might not automatically connect that "did some baking last week" refers to "made a black forest cake [that specific day last week]". (It would work in reverse, too, if she told you something and then you bring it up later and don't use the same words she did.)

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

Short term memory is sometimes a problem for people on the spectrum. Ask her what she had for her 3rd birthday, and she'll probably tell you instantly; but give her a list of 2 or 3 things to look up in the Bible or a dictionary, and she'll have to ask you to repeat them as she comes to each one individually.

I used to be a bit like her with conversations, but have learnt to curb the tendency over time. I've only recently learnt to let go of a subject and not keep coming back to it if I'm interrupted, and I'm 57. I do have the grace to look back on such incidents with embarrassment and, if I ever have the opportunity, I'll explain and apologise; but yep, your friend's behaviour does sound rather familiar. Good on you for sticking around, and you know where to come if you need any advice, or just to let off steam.

 

[Full Steam]

Short term memory is the memory used for right now and the last few minutes, not hours and recent days (I think).

I have an awesome long term memory buts it's very selective and specific.

I'm not sure if I have a short term memory.

If I put something down I instantly forget where it is. I find things by knowing where I've been and looking.

I also use social scripts which I randomise somewhat. A very close friend might pick up a pattern.

 

[nowwhat]

Yes, short term memory issues are common for Aspies. Mine is utter crap.

 

[WittyAspie]

I tell my wife the same stories over and over without realizing it. She is usually gracious enough to listen again.

I greatly appreciate your loyalty to your friend, but I also want to offer a word of caution. A lopsided friendship will eventually wear you down and you are likely to get burnt out. You may need to explain to your friend that you would also like a chance to talk. It will likely be hard for her to listen, but listening is an important skill to have.

Aspies have a hard time making connections. Once I make a friend I hold on tight. Your friend may see you as her only real friend. It would be devastating for her if you get burnt out. Explaining your desire for balance in the friendship will make your relationship longer lasting.